January 12, 2022

The Best Advice (Ever) to Deal with Hard Times in our Relationships.

Attention, folks! By “hard times,” I don’t mean cheating, abuse, or any atrocious act toward yourself or your partner.

Relationships are never an open road, free of bumps with constant sunshine and the pleasant breeze to cool our skin in hot weather. We are bound to face difficulties along that road, whether it’s at the beginning, or a few years into our love story.

Difficulties will arise, but what defines a strong relationship is the ability to deal with them, face them, and move past them.

These are the keywords to remember: move past them.

It seems so easy nowadays to just let go at the slightest inconvenience. Maybe we possess an awareness that older generations did not possess, and it gives us the choice to walk away and let go when something seems to be harming us.

But what I do not understand is that some people walk away whenever a good relationship hits a small snag.

Financial struggle? Let’s break up and find someone who can spend money on me.

Sudden family problems? I barely have time for my drama, let alone yours.

An ex-boyfriend/ex-girlfriend shows up? I won’t give you the benefit of the doubt or even ask about it. I’ll just walk away. It seems easier. 

And this brings me to the question: how many of us are really willing to try?

A few days ago, I stood with my mom in the kitchen as we prepared the dinner we have every night, and out of nowhere, I asked her, “Has your relationship with dad always been that perfect?”

My mother smiled and answered me, “Of course not.”

“What do you mean? You’re the most perfect couple I know.”

“We’re far from perfect, but we love each other deeply. And this is why, since the beginning, we agreed to communicate, to fight for our love and marriage, to go back to what really matters—our solidarity and family.”

And then we proceeded to visit the past, and I listened intently to my mom’s stories about the things she had to face with my dad when they were together before getting married and after they started a family. And I came to realize that, really, whatever they faced, they faced together. Their banters, fights, or disagreements didn’t stem from resentment, uncommunicated feelings, or bad intentions.

They were able to move past anything because they always remembered the core: love and respect are the foundations, and nothing can shake them.

When we are with our partner, we stand by them through the good and bad times, we try to understand their past so we can live the present together, and we keep in mind that this is just a bump, not the end of every good memory we made.

We need to fight for our relationship because life isn’t easy, and it will try to bring us to our knees at times. It will try to make us feel that it’s easier to just quit. But when we love someone and know that they love us back, we need to face what life throws our way together, with love, compassion, understanding, and vulnerability.

This brings me to the advice I saw the other day on YouTube. For the life of me, I can’t find the video again or who posted it, but what I know is that the man in the video said something about our life in general and that could be applied to relationships as well.

He said that when something bad happens to us, we need to give ourselves only five minutes to scream with frustration, nag, get as angry as much as we want, and cry. But after those five minutes are over, we need to take a deep breath and think, “This has already happened. There’s nothing I can do to change it.” And then we proceed to think of ways we can deal with the aftermath of the difficulty we are facing.

Come to think of it, when we want to find a solution, we can.

When we believe our relationship is worth it (and so should our partner because this is not a single person’s effort), we can move past any difficulty.

So let’s take a deep breath, accept the troubles that come our way, pull out our weapon—love—and fight for the relationship we deserve.

 

Hearted by and 12 other readers

 

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