January 23, 2022

The Missing Element that’s Wrecking our Relationships.

There is something so important in relationships.

It’s vital to the longevity, excitement, and intimacy of a relationship.


To keep seducing each other.

Over and over again.

Seduction is a dance, an invitation.

It’s a space we offer, not only of experience, but also of the mind, the heart.

It’s sensual in so many ways. Sensual in the way of engaging our physical senses, and also our inner senses, our thoughts, feelings, emotions, energy.

Sometimes it’s subtle, a whisper you can barely hear, and sometimes it’s bold and loud, grabbing you by the throat, the heart, the hair, the butt.

It’s an art, an expression of intuition, intimacy, and connection. And it’s also planned, with care and love.

Seduction is an expression of desire and fans the fire of desire, of arousal.

And it’s so important to know that it’s not only, and often, the last and least; it’s not only about sex.

Sex flows when we’re intimate—when there’s love, excitement, passion, mystery, vulnerability, desire.

It’s something we do in the beginning of a relationship.

And then we tend to think now that I’ve got you, I don’t have to do that anymore.

And it’s one of the biggest mistakes we make.

This is when it actually begins, and when we don’t do this, we begin to lose interest in each other.

We lose the excitement, we lose the mystery, we lose the passion.

We begin to lose each other, even though we don’t realize it at the time.

We become bored, we have sex in a way that’s patterned, we do the same thing in the same way, we don’t make much effort.

So we shut our sexuality down, or we go looking elsewhere.

I see this almost every week in my work with couples who are struggling.

And if we remembered, learned, discovered, or rediscovered how to seduce each other, so much in our relationship (and in ourselves) would change.

I’ve said this so much.

It’s about us.

We make it about our partners. If they’d only do this, or that, wear this, stop doing whatever—it’s a long, long list—everything would be okay.

It’s about us.

Our relationships are more about us than we’re willing to acknowledge, because when we do, we’re the ones who have to do something about it.

It’s so much easier when it’s our partner’s problem. And if they just fixed it, everything in the relationship will be great.

I see this almost weekly.

That was a digression I hadn’t planned for, but it’s important.

Back to seduction, delicious, exciting, creative seduction.

And we don’t always understand how important creativity is in a relationship.

Getting in touch with, exploring, discovering, expressing our creativity is a vital aspect of sensuality and sexuality.

It’s an important element of intimacy.

It opens the door for us to stay excited and engaged with ourselves, to keep revealing ourselves, to see more and more of who we are, in love and pleasure.

And from there, sharing it with a lover becomes a natural expression.

The next thing about seduction is that it’s about play, fun, being alive; it has energy.

And we don’t always get the importance of play and fun with each other.

There is so much in life that is so serious at the moment; we live with such stress and uncertainty.

Our nervous systems, bodies, minds, hearts have been under attack in so many ways.

Play is one of the ways we counteract this, and in the play of seduction we have such possibility of release.

There’s also the serious play of seduction, of the heart, of vulnerability, of revealing ourselves. We offer ourselves, in openness, rawness, to our lovers. We invite them to see us, to feel us, to dance with us in that space.

And as we go deeper, we see life seducing us, calling to us, in so many ways, from our breath to the thunderstorm raging outside. It’s all an invitation, an open hand waiting for ours.

In this dance of seductive possibility.


Hearted by




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