February 27, 2022

Men are Sexually Repressed. Here’s Why.

Author’s note: In response to the film “Cuties.”


This is bigger than one film.

It’s bigger than the prospect of “pedos” getting off; it’s addressing the entire culture and experience of sexualisation and repressed sexuality.

This is what already exists.

It’s been perpetuated by religion, by men, by women, by families, your parents, companies, organisations, community, you.

We only need to read some history books and religious texts to see where sexuality, pleasure, and sensual expression became cast out of the body and out of the light.

The sterilisation of sex, ecstasy, and intimacy has led to these conversations and what is now everywhere in our society:

>> Little girls copying women

>> Little boys copying men

>> Women seeking approval and hooking through their sexuality

>> Women cut off from their blood

>> Women who can’t sound their pleasure

>> Women who can’t say no

>> Men reduced to high-performance cocks who provide

>> Men cut off from their right to vulnerably express and feel sensitivity

>> Men who can’t express their potent sexuality

And now we are heading into a global movement of

>> Women reclaiming their birthright of sexuality

Which lends itself to sexuality being more visible, as it comes into integration throughout humanity.

A hard swing of repression is only going to counterbalance with a hard swing of expression before it comes into neutrality and balance. But there’s another side to it and one that is heavily charged: men’s sexual potency.

How long have men been too afraid to stand in the fullness of their sexual power, with such heavy public censorship to condemn it and label it as dangerous, wrong, and bad? The damage is equally horrific.

Generations of men whose repressed sexuality leaks out. No safe places for them to talk, share, and express their desires. No community that honours the power of the masculine sexual potency.

No ritual or ceremony to integrate these powerful energies.

The energy we fear most is this one: the dark masculine that penetrates without consent.

And let’s get really f*cking clear: this energy is not only held by men. Women have and do this too. It’s not only relegated to the realms of sex; it shows up in nonconsensual instruction giving, inserting yourself into another’s conversation, mind-f*cking people with your ideas.

The problem with the cultural norm of reducing men to an image only of manhood, where being a good provider, husband, and father is the only acceptable image and not honouring their true potency, which includes sexual power, immense strength, single focus, clarity, and the capacity to hunt with their gaze, is that we miss out on a vital part of our humanness.

Our boys have no role models of healthy sexuality. They are seeing and learning in the same way the young girls are—from twerking videos, TikTok, and whatever mainstream pornography they can find.

And so with misinformation and limited maturity, they simply can’t navigate their own potency, let alone understand women’s sexuality, or how to support a girl’s blooming sexuality without needing to partake of it.

Where are the conversations with our young boys about their pleasure? Where is the modelling of communicating fears in intimate encounters or how to ask for what you want? Where, as a global community and adults, are we supporting our young people to understand, accept, and integrate their own sexuality as it emerges?

Schools are bound so tightly in the patriarchal systems that founded this repression that they simply cannot. Religious groups are out. Most organisations, community clubs, and teams are similarly bound in the system. So it comes down to parents and adults in the community who have their own sexuality already integrated, who have done their work and who have no charge.

This issue is probably the most taboo and extreme in its distortion on the entire planet.

Sexual repression is the cornerstone of so much sexual abuse, emotional and psychological abuse, physical abuse, economic abuse, self-abuse…I could go on.

The point here isn’t to condone or normalise inappropriate behaviours; it’s to bring awareness to the sexual repression, the denial of desire, of pleasure, and of the body, and how that is where the work begins to truly shift what is distorted in the world.


Hearted by



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