*Author’s note: For the sake of making a point, I chose to use binary terms (men, women, boys, and girls). However, I’m well aware that sex and gender are not that simple and I know many women have penises, many men have vaginas, and many people don’t identify as being male or female. I tried my best to get my point across without being exclusive, however, I want to apologize in advance to those who do not identify with the terms presented in this piece.
*Warning: well-deserved naughty language ahead!
Feeling insecure about my body is not unusual for me.
For most of my life, I’ve been slightly obsessed with how others might view me—positively or negatively. And as much as I want to say I’ve overcome this flaw of mine—of worrying too much about what other people think—I haven’t. Well, I have and I haven’t. The thoughts and feelings are often still there, I’m just aware of them as being unnecessary and no longer serving my higher self.
I’ve mostly let go of that girl who cared too much about the wrong things. Keyword: mostly. And, honestly, I think the main reason why I haven’t fully let go of her yet is because of the constant narratives we’re fed about how to be a worthy, lovable person in the world. And, personally, I’ve been brainwashed into believing that my size is largely equated to my lovableness.
But, who’s to say who’s worthy of love and who isn’t? There’s never a right way for anything—that’s something I’m always learning. Or, more accurately, that’s something I’m continuously unlearning—that there is ever a right way.
And I’m well aware of how much progress has been made in creating a more accepting world. But, is it just me, or has getting rid of the body-shaming narratives been more heavily focused on women? I get it, women are much more susceptible to body insecurities due to constant ridicule, objectification, and the history of women as a whole. So, there was a lot more work to do from the start.
But what about the men? What about the boys?
Though we’ve made progress in creating a more accepting society when it comes to body size, the narratives are still out there and very much penetrating young minds with their poisonous connotations. And I see us “feminists” constantly pointing out those narratives as toxic when they’re directed toward women—for example, shaming women for having small boobs—however, I’m seeing those same people making “small dick” jokes.
Seriously, what is this obsession we have with size? Who the fuck decided that the size of anything has a say in what makes a person worthy?
Just the other day, I saw a post on social media that referred to hate as having “small dick energy.” Part of the problem here is that I understand what this means. To hate is an awful thing and referring to hate as having “small dick energy” is directly implying that having a small penis is bad. It’s a basic fourth-grade analogy here.
And I understand that this is supposed to be humorous and well-intentioned, but what are we teaching our boys? Or anyone with a penis for that matter? We are literally reinforcing the idea that size does equate to our worth. And I just can’t help but think about all the kind, innocent, worthy, beautiful people out there who were simply born with smaller penises. Why are we hating on them? It’s so incredibly ironic. By referring to hate as having “small dick energy,” we are literally hating on those who have “small dicks.”
It’s sad. It’s really sad.
And I can’t help but think, what if we referred to hate as having “small boob energy?” How would we react then? I have small boobs. Does that make me less worthy than someone who has big boobs? Hell no. Of course not. I recognize my worth. But, honestly, if we started to refer to things as awful as hate as having “small boob energy,” maybe I wouldn’t be able to recognize my worth as much as I do.
We all make mistakes. And that’s okay. But we need to check ourselves and the language we’re choosing—every fucking day. Using terms like “small dick energy” is not being mindful. We’re all human. We’re all different sizes. And we’re all beautiful and worthy just the way we are.
Please, can we stop trying to put a worth on size?