March 11, 2022

Why we Seriously Need to Stop “Shoulding.”

Would you like to be more in touch with your own inner guidance system and able to make decisions easily and effortlessly in the moment?

How about release subconscious guilt that you are probably unaware you’re holding onto? Let’s start by letting go of the word “should.” Forever.

We are constantly shoulding each other: “You should try this Eastern, new agey yoga class; it will change your life.” “You should drink this juice concoction of lemon, turmeric, mint, and cacao nibs; it will make you feel incredible.” “Oh, you’re struggling with anxiety? You should read this book!” “Oh, you’re a life coach? You should do this world renowned life coaching program.”

Blah blah.

It is absolutely endless! If we continuously project our truths onto one another, telling each other what we should do, how are we supposed to ever be in touch with our own intuition and what feels good to us personally in order to get our actual needs met?

We are all unique souls here on Earth, living in our own personal universe, with our own personal dharmas and destinies. I might not need another freaking yoga class or new juice. I just finished a life coaching program, so I definitely don’t need another one. What I might actually need is to just do less. Do nothing, maybe.

But it’s hard to figure that out for ourselves if we are constantly believing into the fallacy that we really should be doing whatever we think is working for us.

Instead of telling each other what to do, why don’t we try asking: “Would you like to go to this awesome yoga class?” “Do you care about becoming more flexible?” “Would you like to try this juice that really helped me?” “Do you want to read this book?” “Does it sound interesting to you? Does it excite you?”

I learned this from a human design reading I got done and have been implementing this idea into my life. Getting down to simple yes or no questions. Game changer.

Once we ask somebody and give them the option, then they can decide for themselves whether or not it feels good in their bodies. Let’s picture the most common way people converse. A friend comes up to you and starts telling you about this new Ashtanga yoga class they’ve been trying out: “Oh my gosh, this class is literally changing me. You do all the same poses every time, so it really, really helps you become the witness and observe the monkey mind. I feel like I’m building up my prana more than any other yoga I’ve tried. You should totally do the class with me. I know you struggle with anxiety and this would totally help you.”

You might then say yes because your friend did an excellent job convincing you that this is most definitely something that would be good for you—to try yet another yoga class. So you go and maybe it does help a little, but you don’t really feel satisfied, almost like the class felt a little forced.

Maybe that’s because you didn’t actually need the yoga class at all. The second someone is telling us that we should be doing something, our mind starts to create a reality in the moment that it is, in fact, something we need—whether or not that is actually true. (This is how so many companies brainwash us into buying sh*t we don’t need, but this programming has seeped into how we treat each other too.)

Now, what if, instead, this friend had a different approach: “Hey girl, I am trying out this amazing, new Ashtanga yoga class. It is helping me to really get in my body, and I’m able to still my mind more than any other practice I’ve tried. Does that excite you? Do you feel like yoga might help with your anxiety? Would you like to join me and try out a class?

Your body might perk up and you say: “Hell yes, that sounds epic, I would love to try it!” You then go to the class with a sense of satisfaction and enjoyment because that’s the energy that ignited you to go. Since your friend asked you whether it was something you actually wanted to do instead of telling you that you should do this class, you had authority over your body to make the decision for yourself—leaving you empowered and able to fully enjoy the class and truly get something out of it because it felt good to your body to say yes.

This is how we should be interacting with other humans. Or might I ask, does this information resonate with you? Is this something you would like to apply to your life? Would you like to experiment with asking people yes or no questions, instead of telling them how to live their lives and what they “should” be doing?

What happens in our brains if we go around telling each other you should be doing this, trying this? We accumulate a bunch of unfinished thought loops of more things we “should be doing,” adding to our never-ending to-do list. However, there is a different way humanity could try living, which is by asking each other simple yes or no questions.

If the body flinches and goes inward, that is the body’s intelligence and intuition speaking in that moment that it is a no; the body does not want to. If the body perks up and says yes to whatever the question is, that is the body’s innate way of saying yes to something. And then there is no further need to go into the mind and analyze beyond that. It was either a yes or a no in the moment. Done.

The decisions we make that are based on the body’s response allow us to go about our day, onto the next thing, not having an open thought loop in our head about trying to decide whether or not we should do that thing that somebody just told us about.

The more we practice this process (making decisions based on the body’s initial response and reaction to something that is presented to us), the more we build trust with ourselves, intuitively knowing more and more what is good for us, automatically clearing our mind because we aren’t constantly accumulating unnecessary clutter.

However, the shoulding doesn’t end there. Not only are we constantly shoulding each other, but constantly shoulding ourselves, questioning what we are doing in any given moment—whether we are aware of it or not—leaving us stuck in a place of not being able to fully enjoy what we are doing.

For example, when we are eating a pizza and telling ourselves, “I should be eating a salad,” or when we are trying to enjoy a movie thinking, “I should be working on my paper.” I’ve been living in Topanga, California, and a problem my ego likes to create is the thought loop that “maybe I should be living somewhere else,” even though I love it here. What the heck? What is this unnecessary madness?

I’ve discovered it’s an accumulation of unnecessary guilt in our nervous systems. It’s that relentless, endless feeling and associated thoughts of: “I should be doing something other than what I am currently doing.” We can spend our entire day holding onto this energy, not really feeling grounded in any choice of what we are doing in the moment, feeling and believing that “there really is something else we should be doing.”

This is the insidious guilt that might be tainting our reality. And everyone shoulding us throughout the day doesn’t make releasing it any easier. We might be spending our entire lives clouded by this energy of guilt. This is no way to live. Guilt is so pervasive in the collective consciousness right now that it is hard to identify when we are even feeling it.

So let me ask: Is this true for you? Do you resonate with this information? If so, how can we let go of this constant “shoulding” ourselves subconsciously?

It starts with awareness. Simple.

Awareness of when the word “should” shows up in our thoughts and we automatically stop ourselves saying, “Nope! there is no should.” Try replacing it with: “This is exactly what I am supposed to be doing.” The less we engage with the guilty thoughts, the less they are a part of our universe.

If we normally eat super healthy but our body craves a pizza randomly, let yourself eat the stupid pizza. There is probably some sustenance that your body is in need of that the pizza will provide for you. It could be the most loving thing you do for yourself. Eat the pizza fully, regardless of what the mind is saying and what any other programming that rules a part of you believes you are supposed to be following.

Just release. You will be left more nourished if you eat the pizza this way—your frequency raised as you put joy into your body instead of unnecessary guilt. This is how we can get all of our needs met. Listening to what feels good to the body and following it.

Our bodies are intelligent and know what we need more than the mind sometimes. Try practicing letting the body guide you throughout your day instead of the mind and watch how your day becomes more flowy as you release the controlling mind telling you what to do.

And remember, there is no should.


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