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Having parents with narcissistic and toxic traits may lead to some damage to us, our mental health, and our emotional well-being.
The negativity, possible insensitivity, and apathy can feel soul-crushing. When we think about the possibly hurtful things mothers and fathers with narcissistic traits say to their children, it makes our blood boil, doesn’t it?
Even if it is not meant to happen this way, they may end up hurting us, putting us down, and making us feel as if we will never be good enough. This gradually affects our self-esteem, and after some point, we start to internalize their words and end up believing them.
Read on to know some of the toxic things parents say to their children:
1. “You are fat/short/ugly/thin/disgusting.”
Making insensitive comments about our physical appearance is not just hurtful; it can leave a lasting impact on us, and this is something that we may carry with us even when we are an adult.
This is one of the biggest factors behind self-esteem issues in children and even adults. We grow up to be insecure, under-confident, and thinking that we’re unattractive. Such a thing can even lead to some people suffering from depression, eating disorders, relationship problems, and commitment-phobia later on in their lives.
2. “You are oversensitive.”
This statement is said when we try to hold them accountable for the things they say to us. As long as we stay quiet and endure everything, it’s fine for them. The moment we lash out and confront them, they may term us as oversensitive.
It is hard for those types of parents to take any sort of responsibility for their problematic behavior. Which is why they end up dumping everything on us whenever we try to make them realize their mistakes.
3. “There’s no need to hide your journal/diary from me. I am your parent, and I have every right to read it.”
Everybody is entitled to their personal space and privacy, and our journal is one of our most treasured and personal possessions. Whether we want to share it with someone or not is completely our decision, and nobody has the right to force us to change that.
But that’s exactly what parents with toxic and narcissistic traits do. They rarely respect any of our boundaries and personal choices and expect us to do what they want, simply because they are our parents. They try to pry and snoop around amongst our personal stuff hoping to get their hands on our diary.
4. “You should be more like your sister/brother.”
Comparing us with our siblings may be extremely damaging. Everyone has unique qualities, and that is what makes everyone different and beautiful in their own way.
But when parents compare their children, they knowingly or unknowingly pit them against each other and give rise to a toxic form of sibling rivalry. This doesn’t just put a dent in our self-esteem, it also greatly damages the relationship we have with our sibling.
5. “I wish I had an abortion.”
This is probably the most horrifying and disgusting thing a parent can say to their children, and unfortunately, there are some parents who do. A horrible statement like this doesn’t just shake our belief in our parents, it also makes us question our existence and place in the world.
We may start believing that we’re a burden, and we shouldn’t be here. This kind of behavior can even lead to the development of anxiety, depression, and loneliness.
6. “You are worthless and a loser.”
Good parents always motivate and encourage their children. And what do parents with toxic traits do? The exact opposite. They will be overly critical. Whenever we refuse to do their bidding, they will call us names.
The hatred and vitriol keep on coming, and they revel in it. They do this because they have a hard time dealing with their own insecurities.
7. “Why can’t you take a joke? I was just kidding.”
This is one of the most common things they say. Whenever they’re called out on their problematic behavior, they quickly get defensive and pretend that what they said was nothing but a joke. They hide under the guise of humor and say all sorts of hurtful and painful things.
Parents with toxic behavior know exactly what they are doing but always pretend otherwise.
8. “I am your mother/father. I know what’s best for you.”
They are our parents, so they must be knowing what’s best for us more than we do. Right? Wrong!
It’s our life, and we get to make the decisions, not them. When our parents try to impose their choices and unfulfilled dreams on us, that’s a huge red flag.
And not just this, they also use this as an opportunity to treat us cruelly and in any way they want.
Parents are supposed to love their children, care for them, and hold their hands whenever things get tough. But parents with toxic tendencies don’t understand any of these things.
And if that’s not sad, I don’t know what is.