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Last year, I read The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate by Gary Chapman.
I highly recommend this book, especially if you’re in a relationship. It explains the different ways we express and experience love to our partners and how, oftentimes, we misunderstand each other because we don’t understand the other’s “love language.”
That book has significantly transformed my relationship for the better. Our communication has improved, and now we both respect and enjoy what each one of us is willing to bring to the table.
When I understand my partner’s primary love language, I understand him. I thought about this the other day when I was cleaning my bookshelves and glimpsed Chapman’s book. That day I came across an online post that explained our primary love language to ourselves.
I don’t remember where exactly I saw that post, but I remember that it jolted me awake. Although Chapman’s book helped my relationship greatly, I never thought it would help the relationship I have with myself too.
Just like our romantic bonds, if we understand the way we love ourselves, we can better understand how we operate and take better care of ourselves.
Here are the five love languages as defined by Gary Chapman:
>> Physical Touch
>> Words of Affirmation
>> Acts of Service
>> Receiving Gifts
>> Quality Time
Contemplating all five, my own self-love language is surely quality time (and maybe physical touch).
Here’s how you might be able to care for yourself using your own self-love language:
1. Physical touch
If this is your love language, you tend to feel better after taking care of yourself physically. We might give our arms or legs a rub or soak our feet in warm water. It might also feel calming to book a massage, workout, jog, do yoga, take a bath, or follow a skincare routine.
2. Words of affirmation
This is far from being my own love language, but I know a lot of people who show affection to themselves through using kind words. You might use mantras or affirmations such as “I am,” “You are beautiful,” “You are worthy,” or “I love you.” If this is your love language, making lists or keeping a journal might also make you feel accomplished and better.
3. Acts of service
According to Chapman, doing acts of service means “to ease our partner’s burdens.” What can you do today to feel more organized? If acts of service is your primary love language, you tend to finish chores that might feel “burdening” to you so you will feel more relaxed. You might make your bed, declutter your room, wash all your fruits and vegetables ahead of time, or simply do nothing.
4. Receiving gifts
This self-love language is mainly about indulging in something physical that might be special to us. We might enroll in a class, go shopping, or buy a gift for ourselves. We might do this because we think we deserve it, so we reward ourselves with a gift or a class, or simply because we feel it’s enjoyable and worthy.
5. Quality time
This is my all-time favorite self-love language. If you’re anything like me, spending time alone recharges your energy and makes you feel abundant. We might go for a drive with music on, go on a hike alone, go to a coffee shop, take ourselves out for lunch, watch a movie, do meditation, read a book, or simply stay in bed.
What’s your self-love language and how does it nourish you?
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