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April 26, 2022

The Stages of Grief in Mother Wound (& 7 Ways they Manifest).


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“Healing mother wound is what the whole village needs”

A few years back I taught an online healing mother-wound course which was birthed from my own journey with mother wound.

Witnessing the women who attended this course, I was able to delve even deeper into mine and see the connectivity we had through our childhood and adult experiences with mother, earth mother, and the mother archetype. We all saw the spiral of this transformational path.

Eventually, my desire grew to make the information available to more women around the world and an idea for a course book and journal came to mind.

In the part of the book I’m sharing with you here, we explore the role of grief in the mother wound. I circled grief personally for years before being able to name it. To be honest, I still meet grief here and there, stemming from this scarred place in my heart. I have come to know that scar as an honest reminder of my journey, but it has ceased to debilitate me.

You will find journal prompts to take you inward below. They’re meant to take the reader gently toward a greater understanding of themselves and find nervous-system regulation through the process of exploration.

Transforming Mother Wound: Sacred Pathways for the Wild and Sovereign

We may not realize it, but at the root of our mother wound lies abandonment. It is deeply embedded with fear. Our whole process of bonding with life, with ourselves, finding trust and safety depends on the bond we create with our mother.

No matter when our mother wound is created, during childhood or adulthood (as when mother passes or becomes unstable, slips into Alzheimer’s, or suddenly becomes someone we can no longer feel safe around), a cycle of grief becomes our teacher.

The purpose of grief is to soften us, although it may seem the opposite. It, like the Great Mother, moves through seasons.

We may be grieving without consciously putting a label on it. It may feel like depression or sadness, it may be an illness or a complete collapse of immunity. We may circle it for months or years until it speaks its name. And then one day, aha, grief drops its veil and we see our manifested relationships and circumstances as our dance with her.

Some of the ways abandonment and grief show up are in:

>> Feelings of loss—at times inexplicable or undefined

>> Feelings of disappointment in how life has turned out

>> Feelings of insecurity or self-doubt; lost sense of Self

>> A disconnection with one’s soul blueprint

>> A lingering melancholy in body and spirit

>> Fear of the future or of the everyday, procrastination of “getting on” with life

>> Self-sabotage—just when one begins to feel supported by life and the Universe (this may present itself as unavoidable circumstances that just seem to pop up)

The outer child engages in patterns that mirror the original abandonment of the inner child and creates a cycle of self-abandonment.

Recognizing the patterns and clues of grief is step one.

Conscious awareness of the stages allows for holding grief with love and compassion and embracing one’s journey without judgement.

Shock: Realization of what is happening or has happened (this may surface years after actual trauma)

Denial: Resisting the reality, avoiding the inevitable

Anger: Outpouring of bottled-up emotions or violence/self-destructive behavior from suppressed anger

Bargaining: Seeking for a way out of the situation in vain. Justification of circumstances

Depression: Final sinking into the reality, feeling hopeless. Tasting the pain. Self-wounding in various ways

Testing: Seeking realistic solutions. Hopeful

Acceptance: Finding the way forward

Compassion and Forgiveness: Accepting responsibility for one’s own experience and healing. Releasing the need to blame. Finding compassion and forgiveness for self (and mother, perhaps)

Integration into Wholeness: Re-connection with soul’s blueprint, transformation, peace in the face of reality

“I have been/am grieving” is a simple yet powerful statement. It brings clarity and brings us back to a still point with Mother Wound.

It’s also important to know that grief may not follow any pattern at all. We may sink and rise back and forth through the stages. Allow yourself space to grieve in your own unique way.

In Mother Wound, we grieve:

The mother we did not have or the mother we lost
The bonds we did not form
The parts of ourselves which weren’t loved
Our Inner Child’s pain
Our younger self
The conversations we had or did not have
The unhealed parts of Self
The experiences which brought trauma
The life we did not have, due to initial wounding or self-wounding
The words we did not hear
The embraces not received
Being misunderstood

Add to this list to express your own personal grief…

Where are you on this journey?

I realized something through my own grief; there may be an element of shame with mother wound—admitting to ourselves that we experienced trauma of some sort or length. Please know that there is not one person on the planet who has not faced trauma. We are all in the process of healing and you are not to blame for any of it.

I hope this has been of benefit.


Find Monika’s book, Transforming Mother Wound: Sacred Pathways for the Wild and Sovereign, and the accompanying journal here.


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