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I remember the dating scene like it was yesterday.
The magical moments that came with meeting someone new. The potential of this person being my forever.
I can still feel the beat of my heart as it raced with excitement.
I also remember the breakups. How sad they felt to say goodbye to someone I had once cared about. But moving on was best for everyone.
Dating was exhilarating and sad all rolled up in one. It was the best part of living. Until I dated an asshole.
The one who nearly broke me. The one who knocked me down. The one who destroyed my heart. The one who scarred my soul.
His name was Mr. Beautiful.
We hadn’t been dating for long, but there was some serious potential going on here. He was the kind of guy who made the sun feel a bit warmer. He came into my life when I wasn’t paying attention and swept me off my feet. I didn’t know I was even looking for someone until his eyes met mine. And then, I couldn’t imagine him not being a part of my world.
Our first date was the best date I ever had. He was sweet and kind. He was respectful and considerate. He was funny and smart. His eyes didn’t leave mine. I laughed more than I had in some time. The flutter inside me was full-on exploding by the time the date ended. And his kisses were the sweetest I’ve ever had.
But things deteriorated quickly. I felt the little bubble I had been living in deflate to a slow and painful death.
I realized that this guy was actually a real person and not the imaginary handsome prince I made him out to be. He was as real as they came with a ton of flaws.
And those flaws began to shine, which brought me back down on solid ground.
Despite his flaws, I liked the real person he was. He was someone I wanted to spend time with. He was someone I could see in my future.
Until, one night, I gave him all of me. And he never called again.
What the actual f*ck.
During our time together, we put a list of rules, per se, about what not to do if this thing didn’t work out between us. Neither one of us wanted to play the game. We had both dated our share of assholes.
We were two mature people who were ready for something real.
>> Rule number 1: Be honest.
No matter what it was or wasn’t, we were going to be completely honest about how we felt or didn’t feel about each other. We were holding ourselves accountable to saying and hearing the truth. No matter what it was.
>> Rule number 2: A promise not to disappear on the other person.
We were to pick up the phone and say the words. No matter what they were.
He literally broke all of our rules in one shot. Not to mention it was all just a show to get me into bed. He totally played the f*cking game. He was an asshole.
When our hearts are open to find love, sometimes we get lucky and find one of the good ones. And sometimes, we end up dating the assholes.
There are different types of assholes we encounter in our dating world:
1. Assholes by default.
Some people are just assholes by default. Their asshole-ish ways are not purposely hurting anyone. Or rather they don’t set out to hurt anyone.
Don’t get me wrong, they can still hurt us, but they truly don’t know any better.
It’s those pretty boys who stare at themselves in the mirror instead of looking at us. The ones with the cocky attitude. The ones who are never wrong. The attention seekers. The bar rat who chooses the bar over his girl.
2. Mean assholes.
Mean assholes are the ones who think it’s okay to treat anyone however they want. The ones who disrespect us. The ones who are emotionally manipulative. The ones who are never around. The ones who are selfish. The ones who make us sad.
3. Deceptive assholes.
Deceptive assholes don’t give a sh*t about who they hurt. They go in and their main purpose is to hurt whoever is in their path. Without worry or guilt. These are the ones who play the game. These are the ones who leave a trail of broken hearts along the way. And they are so good at it that they make us feel as though our actions were the cause of it.
They are the ones who disappear without reason or cause. The ones who pursue sex and bolt the moment they get it. The ones who cheat. And the pathological liars.
When we open ourselves up to experience all the magical moments that come with meeting someone new, we sometimes can’t avoid dating assholes.
They grow like weeds in our lives.
But it’s our job to pick them out and get rid of them before they ruin the love within us.
Mr. Beautiful may have been the biggest asshole I’ve ever dated. But he didn’t get to break me. He didn’t get to knock me down. He didn’t get to destroy my heart. He didn’t get to scar my soul.
Why? Because I recognized he was an asshole. And I didn’t give up on love because of one asshole.
I still believed the good ones were out there. And they were.
No one can hold us back from experiencing love.
Not even the assholes.