I’ve heard that when you meet the one you’re supposed to spend the rest of your life with, you will just know it.
Some say it felt like a lightning bolt through their soul. Others say it was a slow process that developed over time.
I don’t know if I remember how or why, but somewhere along the way, something inside of me decided he would be the one I gave my heart to. When that moment hit me, I was ready to spend my life with him.
I gave him my heart. I gave him my mind. I gave him my body.
I gave him all of me.
He never really loved me though. Not like I loved him. He came into the relationship willing and able. Or, at least, he showed up and played his part. But on his terms.
I wanted what anyone hoped for in a relationship. A partner. Someone to share my life with.
But that is not what happened.
Instead, I was treated like some stranger. I was the one who needed him the most, but he couldn’t be bothered. He conducted business as usual for his life, even though I was in it.
He said I was his forever. But his words didn’t match his heart.
I kept begging for more. I begged for something real. I was told I wanted too much. He thought there were no boundaries.
I don’t think he ever took the time to get to know me. Or he didn’t care to find out who I was.
He pushed me too far.
The longer it went on, the more I felt lost within the relationship, within myself. I kept wondering what I did wrong. Why didn’t he love me or care? Why didn’t he want to spend time with me or with us?
Maybe no one taught him how to love?
So, when it was over—I mean really, really over—I had to attempt to regain pieces of myself that somehow got lost and left behind. I had to figure out where to go from here.
I was mentally and physically broken. He took me for granted. He took every bit of me and broke me. He was never there. He gave me next to nothing, and he made me feel as though I was the one to ruin us. Like it was all my fault.
Well, that was then. I am picking up those broken pieces of myself.
And this is now. I am finding my way back home.
These are the parts of myself he doesn’t get to keep:
1. My self-worth
He knocked me down, over and over again until I didn’t know who I was. I was lost and confused.
The time on my own made me realize that he doesn’t get to take away my self-worth. I was good enough. He just didn’t see it. I am worthy of love.
Someone will see me for all that I am and choose me. Someone else will appreciate and love me. All of me, even my flaws.
I got back up, and I’m never going back down.
2. My integrity
He took away my happily ever after. His love felt fake. My values were undermined. My beliefs were set aside.
As the days slowly passed me by, without him in my life, my values and beliefs became clear. And my heart stayed pure.
I’m my own happily ever after.
3. My pride
He came at me with his words time and time again. I accepted each blow, and I crumbled every time.
After months of self-care, I was able to learn how to be proud of the woman I became. I am proud of the mother that I am. And I will continue to pride myself in everything I do.
His words do not matter anymore.
4. My confidence
He took my light, and he drained it from everything that I was.
It took years, but I believe in myself now. I believe in the world around me. When I look at myself in the mirror, I like who I see.
I am stronger than I ever was.
5. My drive
His selfishness killed my drive for us, for life, and for me.
I want more out of this life. I am pushing myself to succeed. Without him, I am capable of anything. My energy and determination won’t quit.
I am destined for greatness.
6. My dreams
He trampled on my dreams. I felt hopeless and distraught.
I’m dreaming big now. There is nothing I can’t do. My life has purpose. My dreams are real.
I have so much more to do in this life. I took back my power.
7. My soul
He may have had my head and even my heart, but he doesn’t get to keep my soul. Not anymore.
My soul is meant for something magical.
8. My future
I fell, and he let me drown.
My future is now for me. I still have so much more life to live. I am excited about what I am capable of achieving. I am excited about where I’m going.
I am going to f*cking shine.
I was the best thing that ever happened to him. He lost everything. Well, he can keep the goddamn memories. They don’t mean anything.
I learned to put myself first. I took back every piece of myself. He doesn’t get to keep any parts of me. They don’t belong to him anymore.
They belong to me.