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“Until you are broken, you don’t know what you’re made of. Being broken gives you the ability to build yourself all over again, but this time around build yourself stronger than ever.” ~ Unknown
A few years ago, I lost someone who was dear to my heart.
Even though I was always prepared for it or I thought I was born with the understanding and acceptance that any day could be the end, when it finally arrived, I think I handled myself pretty well. I mean, I could always see it coming.
I knew that life had to go on with or without them.
A few weeks later, I returned to my work and eased myself into my usual life without thinking much about it. One day, I simply crashed and then kept crashing.
Mornings became hell, and nights were a nightmare. I became a ball of anxiety and insecurity. My life stopped making sense. People stopped making sense. Before I realized, I found myself going into a deep, dark abyss that had no way out.
What had happened? I had it under control, didn’t I?
No. That was my mind trying to cope by pretending everything was okay and that I was moving along fine. The reality was that I was breaking into a gazillion pieces. I was simply holding on till I couldn’t any longer.
My senseless world started to make sense after I broke because it was time for me to put myself back together in different ways and create a new me.
The old me had to break so that all the wounded parts of me could come to light so I could heal them. The new me needed to be free of certain baggage that I no longer needed to carry.
I needed a new meaning. But for that, I had to break, and it hurt like hell. I was in pain and agony, and I needed to heal. Well, we only realise that we’re hurt when something inside of us starts to scream and our bodies start to tank.
It’s only when we break that we are able to see the pieces that no longer fit in or need to be softened and rearranged.
That’s why sometimes it’s important for us to break—to reach a point where we feel nothing makes sense. That’s the time when our body tells us that it’s carrying too much burden and it needs to let it go.
Breaking is not always bad. In fact, sometimes, it’s necessary.
Sometimes, it’s important for things to crack so that we can rise from our stupor and clearly see the unnecessary baggage we’ve been holding onto and for how long.
It was only when I lost my security shield that I realized how insecure I was.
It was only when my worst fear came true that I shed all the others.
It was only when I realized that the meaning I had given to my life was no longer in existence that it was time for me to create a new one.
I was able to see the pieces of me that were scattered all over and was then able to put them back. I lost a significant part of me, but I also gained the lost parts of me.
I wish I didn’t have to face that loss, but what if we do?
What do we do when we are hit by boulders and mountains?
We allow ourselves to break so that we can pick ourselves back up.
We allow ourselves to hear the muffled voices that we’ve always suppressed within to finally come out and talk.
We rearrange and redesign for a new whole to be formed.
And sometimes, we let some spaces remain empty with the understanding that that’s how they’re meant to be.
Therefore, in a way, having a breakdown is also a sign that your mind and body are doing what they need to do. Take note of what’s not working in your body. Breakdowns serve as reminders of the amount of load we’re actually capable of carrying instead of the amount we’re pushing ourselves to lift.
An emotional breakdown is not a sign of weakness; it’s a wake up call.
Before I had healed (and healing is never 100 percent!), I was in a deep, dark pit staring at my life, which looked nothing more and nothing less than a gaping hole.
Today, I have space within me that’s only for me, empathy, wisdom, and understanding that I use to help others.
Today, when I say “I understand how it feels,” I genuinely do. And this is all that we humans need from one another, don’t we? A little bit of love, understanding, empathy, and space to heal.
And to be able to give that, we need to create space by rearranging parts of us.
For that, we need to look at our breakdowns and our own system calling out to us for help.
It’s not weakness; it’s strength.
It’s not about falling down but rising up.
“Never be ashamed about being broken, because strength is nothing but the pain that’s been repaired.” ~ Trent Shelton