May 10, 2022

This is Why we Can’t “Make Love.”


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I was thinking about making love, and some interesting things came to awareness.

Often in workshops and discussions, there’s a question that comes up, which is: what’s the difference between having sex and making love?

Is it just semantics or is something there?

Something is definitely there.

I talk about sex as a goal-oriented genital activity. The goal being orgasm.

If we break this down, firstly, there’s the goal. This becomes the focus, and everything we do is about reaching the goal, making it happen, for you, for me, for both of us.

When this is our focus, we move into a space of performance, of pressure. We’re not present in our bodies, in our feelings, in sensation. We’re in whatever thoughts, fantasies, we need to get there, wherever “there” is, which is not here.

In this, we’re actually having sex for the end, for the ending.

The next part of it is that it’s about genitals, and usually penetration of some sort.

That takes us away from the rest of our bodies, which we may pay some perfunctory attention to on the way, a quick stop here or there.

But it’s about getting to the genitals.

Then there’s an activity; we start it, we end it, and we’re done.

Making love is different.

And then this came to me.

We can’t make love.

Love is there.

We reveal ourselves to love; love reveals itself to us.

Love is there.

Love is always present.

Waiting for us, in our bodies, in our hearts, in life.

In our genitals too, part of our bodies.

Love is there waiting for us.

We open our hearts—love is there.

We soften into our bodies—love is there.

We flow into greater awareness—love is there.

When we’re in the moment, the feeling, the sensation—love is there.

When we’re feeling what’s here, now—love is there.

When we’re feeling the energy and dropping into that—love is there.

We can’t make love.

Love is there.

Love is in our breath, breathing you into me.

Love is in our kiss, your lips against mine, the dance of our tongues.

Love is in our bodies, our bellies and hearts against each other.

Love is in the welcoming of your body to mine, my body opening yours.

When we’re simply here with each other, hearts, bodies, souls.

This moment.

Love reveals itself to us, love welcomes us with open arms, open hearts, open bodies.

Love is there, always was, always will be.

In every cell.

Every touch.

And love can be in every orgasm.

We allow the orgasm to happen.

There’s no chasing. There’s no making it happen. There’s no forcing.

It flows.

And the orgasm, deep, deeper, the whole body.

Sometimes soft, tender, rippling, quivering.

Sometimes a fire, burning us away to nothing.

Sometimes a wave, turning us inside out as it washes us through the ocean of pleasure.

Love is there.

We don’t chase it.

We don’t make it.

We make the space for it, we open, we relax, we release, we soften.

That’s our work, our journey.

Love had always been there within us, and so much took us away from love.

Somewhere inside, we know love.

Our bodies, divine, love is in our touch, when we’re simply loving.

We’re not asking for anything; we’re not holding onto anything.

And love is there to meet us.

In this space of possibility.


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