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June 4, 2022

A Dating Guide for those in New & Long-Term Relationships.

“For everything there is a season and a time for every matter under heaven.” ~ Ecclesiastes

 

There are many seasons in our lives.

Most days, I feel like I have lived a thousand years, cried as many tears, and experienced joy and richness expansively. This expansion allows joy to flow through and out. I love people and enjoy the richness that counselling and creative work bring.

My love for people comes from the time spent with them. My personality is drawn to the experience and getting to know people through what is both said and unsaid. The quiet moments are just as potent and powerful.

Wherever you are in life, this article is for you. It is about the importance of spending time connecting with other human beings. We humans are meant for connection.

In the era that merges old world and new with dating apps, hookups, and casual commitments, dating is slowing dying. The truth is dating is important first for our own self and then with another. We must learn who we are, what we enjoy, and what we like before we can successfully partner. Dates are not just for meeting and getting to know someone; they are for sustaining and resurrecting relationships.

To write this piece, I completed a little survey with friends near and far.

Read on for some insights, laughs, and dating gems.

Coffee, Tea, or Me?

The first question that I proposed was, “Is coffee a date?” Some answered no; however, the majority answered yes.

Yes, coffee dates count according to most asked. My colleague and friend shares this, “Coffee is a meeting to get to know another, and it says tons about the person from that very first meeting.” Meeting friends and colleagues is not a date; it all depends on how it is asked, and sometimes the lines blur.

Coffee is so popular for dating that this past April Second Cup Coffee ran an ad promoting a dating app that they paired with that could match you according to your coffee preference. It turned out to be an April Fool’s joke and I was totally convinced and sold on the idea; I am sure I was not alone. I fell for this and had a laugh when I found out it was an April Fool’s joke.

As a writer, I spend a significant amount of time writing in coffee shops and old pubs that are coffee by day and out on tiny patios. Time spent writing at such locales is an excellent opportunity to people-watch. As an observer, I am able to see love in motion. For all the introverts out there, the simple act of going for coffee and getting out of the house is a step closer to meeting people.

In terms of long-term relationships, those that take time for morning and evening visits, having tea or coffee seem happier and more engaged with each other. It isn’t about the consumption of the beverage; it is about sitting down and really talking with each other.

Cancelling and Postponing dates.

Everyone asked had no tolerance for this kind of behavior. The majority would tolerate this happening two times before moving on.

The reason I asked this question is that in this high-speed dating with a quick swipe to the right, there is always more and better. The way we network, communicate, and plan dates is in constant flux.

Everyone I talked with wished to be treated with respect and valued in terms of time. If you are constantly being blown off and rescheduled, are you a priority?

Of course, there are always legitimate reasons to cancel; however, if it is a pattern, most will be moving on. In terms of long-term relationships, those who offered feedback felt the same in terms of what they expected with their partners.

If partners feel they come last, usually the relationship is in trouble. Scheduling in time might be the only way some couples are able to maintain intimacy in and out of the sheets.

The Spice of Life: Crazy thing called Crazy Dates!

The best way to get to know someone is by spending time. Having fun and enjoying each other is key. In the early days of getting to know someone, different activities offer some sweet and spicy ways to learn about a person.

According to those I talked to, dates can be just about anything that two people do together.

There are traditional daters and nontraditional daters and everything in between. The traditional daters are dinner and movie type, and nontraditional are up for anything that sounds like fun.

Crazy dates are dates you might never have thought about being a good date, but they wowed your socks off! I can think of a few myself that were “peak” dating experiences. Some of my favorites were concerts, road trips, market garden shopping, and ice cream at the car wash.

The ideas for dates are endless, and variety is the spice of life. If you have yet to experience a crazy date, I encourage you to explore your raw, wild child. Creating a list of activities you would like to try is an excellent start. A date is called a date because it is scheduled, so get your calendars in synch.

All relationships take work, and this includes new and old ones. In the beginning, things are novel and exciting, and sparks are flying. With time and comfort, dates change from trying to wow and woo to being more intimate and nurturing.

As I said at the start, there are seasons in our lives and in our relationships.

The important thing is to take the time to make time for the people in our lives that matter. If we are looking for that special someone, this includes the space for another person.

Happy dating my friends.

~

 

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