I wasn’t aware I was an anxious person. I thought that I was just struggling with PMS. Later I learned that I was struggling with social anxiety, which would be triggered worst around friends and loved ones. Not many people would notice this because my anxiety and stress were hidden behind my smile.

Anxiety disorders are the most common mental illnesses in the U.S., affecting 40 million adults (18 years and older) yearly. That is 19.1 % of the population!

What does this mean for you? Chances are that somebody you know is dealing with anxiety, whether they expressing it or not.

If you happen to deal with anxiety yourself, you might have an idea of how to help a friend without triggering them or talking about it. But what happens when you don’t have an idea how to help a friend and instead you’re adding more pressure to their day? or maybe the way you’re interacting with them is making their anxiety worse.

Nobody wants to do that, but this happens more often than we think. The good news is that you don’t have to understand what someone else is going through to help. Here are 6 ways you can avoid triggering your friend’s anxiety during this year’s International Day of Friendship, which will truly help you support them in a more loving way all year long.

#1 Listen Carefully

As someone who deals with anxiety, I’m often in conversations where people immediately jump into fixing mode to give unsolicited advice or try to fix the situation.  I get it. As a society, we’re problem solvers. We care and we hate seeing people that we love in pain.

The problem is that people who are dealing with anxiety often don’t need someone to try to step in and control their anxiety or try to fix the situation. In fact, that often makes it worse.

Sometimes we just need someone to listen to us, create a safe space to express how we feel, give us a bit of attention, and validate our feelings.

Examples of validating statements can be:

• That sucks! I’m here for you.
• I can see that you are very (upset, sad, frightened, or scared).
• Here’s what I hear you say  (summarize with fact-checking).
• I guess that must have been hard for you.
• Thank you for sharing. How can I support you?

Giving someone your full presence and listening without thinking about what to say next is really listening. And this is the greatest gift you can give anyone, especially to your friends dealing with anxiety.

#2 Check-in Often

Did you know that people with anxiety disorders frequently have intense, excessive, and persistent worry and fear about everyday situations? There are also other hidden anxiety signs we often disregard, like sleep deprivation, oversleeping, lack of emotional control, seeking perfectionism, or bingeing.

This is why is so important to think about the friends that are important in your life and check in often. It goes a long way for someone dealing with anxiety to get unexpected texts or check-in calls.

Sometimes you won’t get a response, but a simple “How’s life? Let’s connect when you have time” will send the message that you care and that they are loved and not alone.

If, on the other hand, they are reaching out to you and you can take their call, be mindful of answering.  Not answering a call or text can trigger anxious thoughts of worry or not being enough.

I recently reached out to a friend, who didn’t pick up but replied with a voice message saying, “I’m sorry I can’t talk right now. You’re important to me and I want to be there for you. If it is urgent, I can call you back ASAP. If not, is it okay to talk on Monday?” This was a very validating and loving message for me to hear.

#3 Send Positive Energy

Take a moment to look back at a situation where you felt loved and welcomed the moment you entered a room. Now, think about the energy you feel when you enter a room and people are arguing. These are great examples of how we’re impacted by others’ energy, even if we’re not aware of it.

Energy and emotions are contagious. If you’re someone who is already experiencing high levels of anxiety, being surrounded by friends who are adding more stress and anxious energy won’t help.

Worrying about someone is only going to produce more anxiety in them, and we don’t want that.

If you’re trying to be more loving and supportive to your friends (all year long), you can pray for them and send them love and positive vibes instead of worrying. It’s as easy as imagining this person wishing them well and sending a virtual avocado hug.

Another great tool is practicing Metta meditation, also known as love and kindness meditation.  This is one of the most loving and peaceful meditations that I know. In this simple practice, you can send love, appreciation, and healing vibes to a friend, to yourself, and to the world from the comfort of your home.

#4 Send Flowers

As someone who deals with social anxiety, being invited to go somewhere can sometimes be overwhelming. Don’t get me wrong, I’m excited to be invited, but just thinking about the logistics or not knowing at what time I will be home can be stressful.

When we invite someone for lunch, the last thing we think is that we are creating anxiety for them, right?

If you know for a fact that a friend is dealing with social anxiety, you can send them flowers or a care pack instead of inviting them for lunch or to socialize. This can be a great way to show them that you’re aware and that you care.

I love to look for flower shops near their home, send goodies from mouth.com, or just send a funny greeting card. Postable makes it easy for you to collect home addresses and send physical cards to your loved ones.

It doesn’t have to be expensive, just meaningful.

#5 Do Your Inner Work

I thought I was dealing with PMS but then I realized that my sleep struggles were caused by social anxiety. I would have never known this if I hadn’t taken yoga therapy sessions and done my inner work.

Healing yourself will help you to be more aware and connected to yourself and you will also have more awareness in situations with others.

I recently found Emotional Code therapy and it has been very helpful in releasing stuck emotions that I had unconsciously been carrying for years. I notice that I’m not reactive anymore to things that happen in the past with my friends, and I can be fully present and more loving when I spend time with them.

Emotional Code is just one of the many therapies that can support you in reducing stress, anxiety, or overwhelm. Reading a book on anxiety or playing a yoga Nidra audio before bed can be a great place to start. If you have never heard of yoga Nidra, click here to access my free 10-minute yoga Nidra audio to help you fall asleep within minutes of your head hitting the pillow tonight.

#6 Add Your Spice

You’re friends with this person for a reason. You care for them and want to support them, especially if you know they’re going through difficult times but you don’t want to trigger or make it worse for them.

Remembering some of the things that you felt attracted to this friend can help add your unique spice to your relationship and support them without talking about it.

Look back at the things you shared and bonded over when you first met. Maybe you both like to hike.  Going for a walk together instead of having a drink would give you more time to connect while you enjoy nature. Maybe you always wanted to take a weekend road trip but you never got to it. Here’s the sign you have been waiting for to start planning it.

Some of the activities that I enjoy doing with my friends instead of going out are coloring, knitting, baking, playing board games, or getting a foot massage. Other ways are going to look different for each one of us because we’re all unique, and so is your relationship with your friend.

CONCLUSION

What better gift to give your friends and to give the world for the International Day of Friendship than to work on becoming a more conscientious and sensitive friend?

Being a more supportive friend starts by recognizing that anxiety looks different for everyone. Understanding these differences is important to help us create more meaningful relationships and connections and support the people we love in our life without talking about it while at the same time supporting our own healing.

This International Friendship Day, as you try to become a better friend, don’t forget to be a good friend to yourself. Take care of yourself, manage your stress, and prioritize your sleep.  Here’s my free yoga Nidra audio you can try tonight to fall asleep faster and support your wellbeing.