“I did the action… why don’t they feel loved?”

In any relationship (children, family, friends) but particularly romantic relationship we have been told that speaking someone’s love language is the key.

We must find out how our partner is wired to receive love and also the ways in which they give love…
 Words of affirmation
 Quality time
 Physical touch
 Acts of Service
 Receiving gifts

If we care about another then we will then go about trying to share love with them in the way that most speaks to them.
We limit them down to one or two focused “love languages” and many tend to stick with these.

I mean because that is what is told will work…

Yet many times it doesn’t work in our relationships!!!
Because humans are way more complicated then ticking off an action. The action must go deeper!!!

Firstly, despite what you have leaned, our love languages change!

We have our ideal balance and one’s that feel best when in perfect harmony but from my experience, our love language easily can become an area in which we are simply deficient for a long period of time.

If someone never was an “acts of service” person but then find themselves bogged down for a long period of time then that love language will rise in importance. When someone reaches in to take a task off our list we suddenly feel cared for and loved.

Also, our love language changes depending on the person. We may feel more loved on by affirmations from one person but then another person we need more physical touch. Different people can feed us different aspect of our needs.

This plays into the unique connections we have in each and every relationship.

Though….
You no matter what you do with the love languages and no matter how ‘on point’ you are in taking the action, there is still a massive possibility they will not work!!!

Action is just that… Action.
Action is not love.

There is an energy that must also be present in the action in order for the “love” to settle into someone.
If you are simply going about the actions but not putting a presence then the love will always fall flat.

You can spend time with someone and it be meaningless because you were not energetically present, which the other person will feel.

You can buy a million gifts but if it doesn’t have a heart centered thought process and intent behind it, then it will be just be more stuff. Pretty flowers, food, trinket with no true meaning.

Presence and the intent of love are required.

We have all been in situations where someone has taken the ‘correct actions’ but it simply fell flat because there was something missing. That missing piece is often a sense of emotion, intent, and presence behind the action.

These usually wears down relationships because it can create massive arguments, with one party claiming they made a gesture of love and the other feeling like it left something to be desired.

There can often be a feeling on one side that what they do is “never enough” and yet on the other side there can be a feeling that the other person is never actually stepping into the relationship.

The fact is that our love is not action based. Our love is based on the presence and energy exchanged between two people.

When we have issues in relationship where there is still love, there is often a lack of presence from one or both parties in the sharing of the love languages. There is simply something amiss in the energy that needs to be cleared and clarified.

There are many reasons for this…
Life stresses
Feelings of unworthiness
Timing Issues (coming together when one person is busy and the other is trying to connect)
etc.

The only way to solve this is to have open and honest communication and to have time to reconnect the energies.
Whether your love language is quality time or not… if energies are off then it is essential that time be made without distractions to reconnect and reestablish the energy of the relationship.

So if you are out there and trying to take all the ACTION and it doesn’t seem to be working…

Then make sure you are putting the love in the love language!
Make sure your partners love language hasn’t changed!
Then make time to connect and figure out where the energy could be falling short!

Humans are complicated but we all desire to be seen and loved!

You just have to go beyond mindless/heartless action.
Love requires your heart!!

 Grab the Fire Within 
Addison