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It happens to the best of us.

We fall in love, we feel as though we’re living in fairytale land with the person of our dreams, and then somehow it all crumbles and falls apart. Breakups. Nobody likes them. Nobody enjoys the feeling of having a broken heart.

There’s the endless crying, self-pitying, indulging in junk food, “I’m never gonna fall in love again,” sleepless nights, self-care no longer exists phase. But if there’s one thing that’s even more annoying, it’s the unwanted, non-helpful (even though they probably are just trying to be helpful) post-break-up advice from friends, family, colleagues, and well, just about anybody.

Here are five post-breakup phrases we’ve probably all heard before. In my honest opinion, they have a strong potential for pissing people off.

*Warning*: A lot of sarcasm ahead.

“There’s plenty of fish in the sea.”

No, really? I would have never guessed!

No words in the English language piss me off quite like these seven do. I understand they have good intentions behind them. It’s good to know there are more (and hopefully) better men or women out there. But please let me grieve over this fish, because I actually really liked this fish, and I don’t really want to think about any more fish at this point in time (or in the near future).

In fact, I’ve actually developed a collective hatred for fish after this breakup.

“They weren’t worth it anyway.”

Yes, probably. In fact, they turned out to be the right bag of sh*t. But that doesn’t lessen the pain. Plus, you were saying how great they were throughout our entire relationship, so now I know you’re just saying that to make me feel better.

Great, now I feel even worse.

“Just don’t think about them.”

Ha! I mean, if it were that easy, pain wouldn’t exist in the world. If I could just flick a switch “off” in my brain, believe me, I would have already done so.

God, honestly, what a stupid piece of advice.

Of course, I’m going to think about them. Of course, I’m going to obsess over all the things that went wrong, all the red flags I stupidly missed. Of course, I’m going to think about all the plans we made and won’t actually be going through with. Of course, I’m going to think about how much I will miss their dog. And of course, I will be obsessing over whether I should block them on social media or not.

Okay okay, maybe keeping busy isn’t such a bad idea after all.

“Don’t cry, don’t even shed a tear.”

WTF?

I blame this one on society to be fair. We’ve been programmed to believe crying is weak and feeling sad isn’t healthy. But whatever, I’ll just do my own thing—honouring my own emotions and bawling my eyes out when I feel like it (even if they weren’t worth even a teardrop). Whilst stuffing my face with a tub of Ben and Jerry’s (oh how cliché).

“You can do so much better./ You are so much better than them.”

Is this honestly, actually supposed to make anyone feel better? I mean, even if I am better than them, I still feel like crap. This does nothing to alleviate my pain or grief. I think there’s a time and place for this phrase, and it’s definitely not right after a breakup. Drop it a few months down the line when I’m a little-bit-more-over-him and might actually be able to see the light in this.

So, there are my most hated post-breakup advice phrases. I think they are more harmful than helpful. But just a note to my dear friends, family, and anybody else who has dropped any of these phrases on me post-breakup: I still love and appreciate you. I see how they all have good intentions behind them. It’s hard to know what to say when watching a person you love go through pain and heartache.

Truth is, I’m probably going to use them all too when my loved ones go through breakups.

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