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September 26, 2022

Ultimately, turns out, the answer is “No.”

So M and I have broken our engagement.

It was a beautiful and hard and sweet and fun and cozy and adventurous 2.5 years.

It’s sad, kinda awful, I miss and love her, but we were rather mutually not working well in communication and frustration around that. We learned so much, or I did, to speak personally, and I am so grateful for our loving time together. We always had sweet love, every day, but we learned that love is not enough—

—and we couldn’t quite find it in ourselves to figure out the barriers between us and our love for one another.

I don’t want to have a whole online circus around this, but did want to clarify since folks are asking me every day “how are you” and it’s hard to say “fine” right now, so I usually shrug and laugh and all that.

Please if you feel like commenting, don’t, just maybe write—

“may it be of benefit”

—if you care and are there for us.

It’s been a sad, sad time, and we’re focusing on maitri and healing and learning. I’m only writing this, with trepidation, having asked my Elephant team not to share it at all on FB, twitter, NL, push, etc. It’s just for me to share a little personally, so folks won’t be rudely shocked when I’m dating.

And yes, at 48 years old, wanting love and partnership and children, having been separated for 1.5 months and broken up for 10 days, I’m having to jump back into dating, since the Venn diagram between me at my age and meeting someone who wants to have children is rapidly closing.

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