Does it seem like circumstances are drawing you to a point where destiny is about to say good bye to something that was once wonderful in your life. And everything that you do to save your relationship is only making the situation worse? Do not worry. Sometimes, even the roses can wilt. Similarly, good relationships too, could at times, be standing on the brink of devastation. But if your intention is clear that you want to save the relationship from breaking up, it will certainly pay you good results. Here’s the approach you can take:
Constant intent: Make a decision that you want to get the relationship back on road, without worrying whether you will meet success or not. Irrespective of what the outcome is, you hold onto your intent! Sooner or later, it will happen; if not today, then tomorrow, or it may even take several years depending on how sticky your karmic account is, but you will get the desired result. This is science! Moreover, one has to maintain extreme awareness when dealing with those with whom we have sticky karmic accounts. Therefore, from today, harness one more strong intent to try and never hurt your partner through your speech or action, and not even spoil your thoughts for him / her. This constant intention of yours will bring about a paramount shift in the health of your relationship.
Introspect: Sit in a quiet place, where there is calm and peace. Surrender all your worries to God and pray to Him to guide you in this endeavour. Now, close your eyes and introspect i.e. self-examine, as to what caused your relationship to take the wrong turn, from when did things begin to go off the rails, which patterns of your behaviour led to creation of problems between the two of you.
The findings of this self-examination process will prove extremely valuable, as they will help you:
- figure out your mistakes, which were not known to you so far,
- study your behaviour patterns that are causing great damage to your relationship, and
- identify the grey areas where you still miss clarity on what went wrong.
Pratikraman: Every human being makes mistakes. Making a mistake is not a crime, but not realizing or after realizing, not accepting the mistake certainly is. So, list down your mistakes that were unearthed during the introspection exercise. And for each mistake, do pratikraman, following the 3 steps, as specified below:
- Alochana i.e. confess one’s mistake. Pray to God saying, “Oh God! I made this mistake.”…
- pratikraman i.e. ask for forgiveness. –”Please forgive me for this mistake.”…
- pratyakhyan i.e. firm determination to never repeat the mistake. – “And give me strength to not do this mistake again.”
Pratikraman is a scientific spiritual process that liberates us from our mistakes, when done with true repentance in our heart. Each of our mistake has several layers. And therefore, it may happen that inspite of doing pratyakhyan, the mistake still repeats. But don’t you bother, for it is just another layer of the mistake. You once again sincerely do pratikraman to wash off this layer of mistake as well. Gradually, one day, you will see yourself having become free from that mistake forever!!
Resolve: While doing introspection, we come to know about some of the destructive behaviour patterns that we have adopted, in order to protect our ego, or to take revenge for the serious internal mental notes that we have taken of the other person’s behaviour, or to convince ourself that ‘see, I am right’. Don’t you think that more important than being right, it is important to save the relationship? Any suffering that we undergo in life is the fruit of our own past karmas. In your previous life, you have done something wrong; and in this life, you are suffering its consequences. So where comes the question of seeing the fault of others? Forgive your partner heartily.
And resolve that you do not want to continue anymore with your false pride or ego, nor with your damaging patterns that are causing hurt to you and to others too. For every hurt that you have caused so far, remember the God residing within your partner and do pratikraman. Repeated pratikramans wipe off the many errors that have been caused in these sticky relationships.
Communicate. To deal with the grey areas that you identified during your self-examination, talk with your partner. This is one of the crucial steps, so do proper justice to it. Pick a good time and place, where you can have a calm and lengthy, rational discussion with each other. You talk, and it is important that you also let your partner talk while you patiently listen to what your partner has to say. Try to understand what your partner is saying, with an open, clear and broad mind.
If grey areas still persist, you can ask your partner in a requesting tone, “what are you trying to say, i am not understanding the reason for you behaving so, can you please explain where is my mistake happening, come let’s get to a solution please.”
Collaborate: If only one of you wants to save the relationship, it becomes difficult. But if you both are keen, work together on how to reconnect, and be able to love and feel for each other as you did earlier. It’s important to merge your viewpoints on where the relationship is going wrong. So open up and tell your partner how you think and feel. When you’re open and honest, you’re helping your partner to be equally open and honest too. Do not point fingers or blame each other. If you both focus on your own individual mistakes, you will get to an amicable relationship very soon.
Adjust: A healthy relationship is one where you allow each other to be their own self, you respect each other’s personality for what it is, you keep interest in what the other person is doing, and encourage one another to pursue their individual goals in life. An ill relationship is one, where either or both of you always want to have things your way, and no one wishes to compromise the least in it. So take a call where all you need to adjust to foster in a healthy relationship, and begin to adjust!
If you are still not able to find your way out…
Consult Gnani, the Enlightened One!!! He can help you decipher your problems and provide you with the right understanding that will change your life. Real love exists in the heart of Gnani – this is the location where the ultimate peace, harmony and happiness exist. This is one place in the world where everyone’s heart rests, it is the place where every problem sets; so think it’s the right place for you to check…. Go, try it!