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I guess it’s always been a “thing”—this feud, this battle, this war between men and women.
This need to highlight our differences, as if they are a bad thing. This desire by many men to feel stronger. To be the leader in the relationship. To take charge. This desire by most women to push back. To want autonomy. To want the same rights and respect.
In 2023, this war is firing up. Social media is abuzz with resentment. Bitterness. Anger. Blame. Hate. This whole Andrew Tate “red pill” nonsense. This wish to push us back into the 50s, where women had few rights.
What a time to be alive, where everyone and anyone has a platform. It doesn’t matter if you have no qualifications. It is irrelevant whether you are a compassionate and decent person. There’s no care whether you are experienced and speak facts. And there’s no system in place to protect the vulnerable from those with little ethics or integrity. No, it matters little the number of damaged people left in the wake of these people, because all that really matters is their following, their poisonous messages, and their greed. All that matters is that they plant their insidious seeds of hate and anger toward the opposite sex.
This alarming trend of chipping away at independent, autonomous, and self-sufficient women as the enemy of men is a sad indictment on a world that has raised broken men. And this increasingly sad trend of women using men because they believe they are queens who deserve to have their life paid for is the result of broken systemic beliefs.
I don’t know about you, but I’ve had enough.
I don’t want to live in a world where people are at war with each other. I’m tired of seeing all this bullsh*t about the need to control women. The need for men to be strong and not show emotion. The hypocrisy that men can sleep with as many women as they want, but women are damaged if they do the same. The notion that single women are unhappy. The belittling of women who are choosing a different path in life. The belief of some men that women are simply there to please them, satisfy them, and appease them. The expectation that men must be the earner and the women must stay home with the kids and the belief that those who make a different choice are denigrated. The belief that any man or woman for that matter actually has the right to decide what someone does with their body. Aren’t you sick of it? I am.
At 54, I was married for over 26 years. I’ve only had a couple of important relationships in my life and I’ve been hurt and I’ve hurt others. I’ve raised two kids, a girl and boy, both adults now, and I have a granddaughter. I’m not currently in a relationship, nor am I looking to be in one, but I’m also not against being in one. I love men. I enjoy their company and have good friends of both sexes.
What I won’t tolerate is all this absolute rubbish being promoted by these “relationship coaches” or self-proclaimed experts, and I have no time for any man who thinks he can control me. Expects me to take a step back to some sort of 50s woman. Who believes I’m a weaker being than him. Who does not know how to show vulnerability and communicate authentically. Who thinks I need a man to make me happy. I also won’t entertain female friends who think it’s okay to use men for status or money.
If I got paid a dollar for every time I hear masculine and feminine energy, I would be rich. I understand masculine and feminine energy and energy as a whole; what I take issue with is the manipulation of this to suit people’s agendas. Sadly, they are using masculine and feminine energy as a guise for control. For women to not be allowed to socialise with friends. For men to be the leaders and run the home. For women to nurture them. For women to surrender. Now, surrender can be beautiful in an intimate relationship when there’s trust and love, but the expectation of surrender simply because we are women—absolutely not.
As adults, we need to be more discerning. We need to be more introspective, and we need to stop listening to these angry, wounded people peddling their hate. Because here’s the thing, they are peddling this hate as a means to justify their beliefs, based on their painful experiences. We need to start understanding ourselves better. Bad relationships happen. There are good men and bad men, just as there are good women and bad women. If you want to sit in your misery and despise all men or all women because you’ve experienced some pain—it’s time to get therapy. It’s time to do some work on yourself. It’s time to realise you are part of the problem. Or you can continue listening to these opinionated people with their baseless facts and ideas, selling their judgement, disrespect, and low value propaganda, and let it insidiously eat you alive.
I strongly believe everyone’s personal life choices are theirs and do not warrant my or anyone else’s opinions or derogatory commentary. If men have an issue with women being single, perhaps instead of blaming women and abusing them, they should look inward to see why some women are feeling like that. If a woman feels a man is not worthy because he’s not paying for everything or shows his vulnerability and softer side, it’s time for her to do some work on herself because men should not be expected to be a woman’s bank and/or show no emotion. If men want a woman who has a “low body count,” then maybe he too needs to have a “low body count.” If a man wants something he can control and keep tabs on, he should get a dog. If he wants someone to cook and clean, he should hire a maid. And if he wants sex on demand, perhaps paid sex would sort that need out.
When we continually get fed this rubbish and raise our kids to believe this rubbish, is it any wonder we have this war going on? Is it any wonder we are in crisis? It’s come more to the forefront now because women have fought so hard for independence and autonomy and there are men who don’t like that. In the past, women in many ways were stuck, with little rights, freedom, or ability to leave bad situations, but now we can. And guess what? Some men haven’t been able to move with the times and accept that they cannot behave like they used to.
Being a woman, I’m writing from a woman’s perspective, of course, but I have pointed out where women need to also step up and do the work. I would love to live in a world that didn’t encourage hate. Didn’t encourage bitterness between men and women. Didn’t use things like masculine and feminine energy to sell a backwards and often dangerous notion of how relationships should be. That didn’t encourage men to hide their emotions and feelings. That didn’t support toxic people with platforms.
We are a product of our environments. If I raised my kids to be hateful of the opposite sex and disrespect them, then I would have done them such a disservice, and they would have raised their kids the same way. I’ve written a few articles with a similar message because it’s important. We need to stop fighting and letting our past experiences dictate our future actions.
People need to reflect more and stop blindly following hateful content. Imagine being that miserable all the time that you need to argue with people and belittle people on social media. Imagine being that resentful and angry that you actually believe that 50 percent of the population is out to do you wrong. Imagine being that ignorant that you really think that women who choose to remain single are unhappy. Imagine being that selfish that you believe men should pay for your lifestyle. Imagine being that fearful of looking inside of yourself that you have to continually knock down others to make yourself feel better. Imagine thinking the world is a better place being at war with the opposite sex because you can’t manipulate them into your mould.
So yes, I’ve had enough. If we each worried about our own toxicity and what’s in our own lives, rather than the lives of strangers, imagine how much nicer things would be. We can’t change the hateful people spewing their misguided, baseless, limited beliefs, but we can make a choice not to listen and take on all that negative, traumatised energy. Or worse, actually follow their ideas. We can also make a conscious effort to look at ourselves more deeply and realise that these people preach from a broken and painful place, and most of them are doing so because they get something out of it. Make no mistake, this is not about helping you; it’s all about them.
We all get to choose how we behave. We all get to choose how we react. We all get to choose whether we take notice of our triggers. We all get to choose to get help and heal if we’ve been hurt. We all get to choose if we want to understand our limited beliefs and do something about them. We all get to choose whether we learn from the past, repeat the mistakes, or let it destroy us. We all get to choose whether we acknowledge we have an issue with the opposite sex. Instead, too many choose to blame and live their lives justifying their sh*tty decisions and behaviour by projecting that onto the opposite sex.
If like me you’ve had enough, please use your voice. Your words. Encourage those you see spiralling into the blame and hate to seek help. Understand we are not all in the same space, but live a life of compassion and kindness, appreciating that both men and women have a lot to offer. But have your boundaries. And let’s not give these people with their microphones the opportunity to spew more anger into our lives. Into the world.
Let’s minimise the destruction they cause because if we don’t, this war will destroy us.