May 22, 2023


After 1 year of sadness, working on sitting in the discomfort with meditation, maitri, and helpful community and a few helpful friends. Then, something I normally would never do—Ayahuasca with dear friends, the next day a puppy rescue that rescued me, then cheering up. Now, suddenly, I’ve gone on an actually-good date, met someone I’m genuinely interested in.

But: as I joke (without laughing) with friends, I have a 100% failure rate.

But: as a friend replied, “you only have to succeed once.” I thanked her for the reminder.

I sit here, working, with toxic smoke outside, contemplating my future path. Children, family, love, service, travel, moving or deepening my roots.

My puppy wants to go outside, he’s going nuts with inactivity. The air purifier runs, burning coal (and some solar) electricity, while my neighbors run leaf blowers and SUVs for short trips and order off Amazon overnight instead of local and my words fall into the world like snowflakes on hot sidewalk.

And yet many people care. Many people find joy and catharsis and tears of relief in caring, and in caring together.

Let’s do this: let’s heal racism. Let’s let children feel safe. Let’s stop it with the crazy internet comments, the threats, let’s make hate crawl under its rock, again, until it either wilts or becomes curious about the light and emerges to learn and heal, too.

Maybe it’ll all work out. Not without cost, and pain, and suffering—but maybe, without bypassing, it’ll all work out. Maybe we’ll show up and wake up and stand up and get out there, and rest into our hearts, and be willing to feel uncomfortable and uncertain and delighted in that fresh air and sunshine.


Or listen the podcast version: 

The quote I was trying and failing to properly recall:

“Only when the last tree has been cut down, the last fish been caught, and the last stream poisoned, will we realize we cannot eat money.”

~ Cree Indian Prophecy

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