May 27, 2023

Why Some Relationships just don’t Work.

There’s a great meme floating around social media that reads, “When you persist in being bothered by someone who refuses to change, you also refuse to change—truth be told.”

Who can relate?

What a simple, yet poignant, statement.

People show us who they are. People reveal themselves through their actions, not their words. People may invest the bare minimum in a relationship, akin to making sure one has some balance in a bank account, so it doesn’t close, but rarely give more.

Yet we fight it. Whether we are delusional or want to believe the best, we keep trying to make some relationships work. We long for more than we will ever get. And we hope and pray old patterns will change—yet they never do. We fight the inevitable, and it’s not a battle with the other person. It’s a battle with ourselves. 

What happens next is immature and silly, quite frankly, but we are all guilty.

We find ourselves angry and resentful. We question our worth. We wonder why this person or persons cannot see our value. We are determined to find a way to make them see the light and woo us in the ways that we desire to be wooed. They will come through. We will make them see us for the fabulous wonders that we are. We will win them over.

Think again.

Life is not a Hallmark movie. Sometimes the endings aren’t happy—or unhappy. Sometimes things simply need to end and if you find yourself in an indifferent state, you’ve stayed the course—and if you listen closely, you will hear Andrea Bocelli and Sarah Brightman singing “Time to Say Goodbye.”

Sometimes others just don’t care, no matter what they say (even if they think they do). If they’re hanging around, bare minimum, only giving when they sense you’re pulling back, chances are you’ve met a taker. They will suck the life out of you, investing little to nothing in the relationship, rarely giving back. It’s all about them and, occasionally, you get some playtime.

But take heed. The reality is you are sucking the life out of yourself. You are the person making the choice to stick around, to tolerate less than, and to refuse or acknowledge that you could have so much more—even if your path is a solo one.

Why hang on to partners or friends who bring you down? Not occasionally, but as a norm? Why do you think so little of yourself that you allow this?

It doesn’t mean that you don’t care or love someone. It doesn’t mean that you won’t be their friend—yet I caution you, think twice. You may be a friend, but do you truly have a friend in the other person? Be honest with yourself. And more importantly, show yourself some love.

What keeps you where you are? Why do you stick around? Is it insecurity or fear? Is it a lack of self-respect or dignity—self-worth or self-esteem? Dig deep and pull up the what and why.

Do you worry that you’ll be alone? My dear, you are alone.

There is nothing more unsettling than indifference within a relationship, that moment when you realize that you don’t have much in common, have little to no respect for the other’s values, beliefs, or morals, and wonder constantly why you are still hanging around.

I’m not saying it’s easy. It can take a long time to unravel yourself from the relationship, and there may be countless reasons for you to “think” you want to stay—but I think you should go.

You owe it to yourself, and forgive me for being so blunt, but the other person most likely won’t even care because if they did, they would have invested a heck of a lot more. You may be nothing more than an “oh well,” when you believed that you were far more important.

You are, so put on those boots and get walking; “hair toss, check your nails, baby how you doing?”

Walk your fine ass out the door and boss up to change your life.

Your life is what you make of it. Relationships do not die a natural death. They are murdered as a result of neglect, ego, ignorance, and attitude.

Go. Make. Your. Life. The next chapter is waiting, and you’re going to be just fine.

~

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