As I sat under an old, fluffy blanket earlier this week—remote in one hand, phone in the other, a plate of snacks on the coffee table, and me with a giant to-do list in my head but no desire to be vertical or productive in the near future—I thought to myself:
“I must be in my Lazy Girl era.”
Of course, I immediately started to beat myself up mentally about it. I thought about that to-do list. And then I thought about all the posts I see online from friends and acquaintances and complete strangers who are constantly sharing the “next big thing” they’re working on or their latest accomplishment. The dreams they’re chasing or the trips they’re planning or the goals they’re crushing.
Me? Well, some days I wonder if I’m becoming one with my couch.
I’m not depressed…I’m exhausted. Unmotivated. Operating on close to empty most days.
This summer alone I’ve seen more emotional and physical chaos than I was prepared for (or than I remember signing up for). And so, I sit. And sometimes I feel sad about it, restless and guilty even…but other times, I feel grateful.
Grateful that I’m learning to recognize and be with my exhaustion. Grateful that I’m able to zone out for moments at a time. Grateful that I have the luxury some days of doing almost nothing but taking care of myself.
Grateful that I’m slowly getting comfortable with this feeling of laziness.
Because while being “on” at all times and constantly hustling and planning and reaching and achieving and fighting and accomplishing has its benefits, so does calming the f*ck down and resting and sitting and being instead of doing and self-caring. And recognizing when you just need a damn break from it all.
So, if you too are in your “Lazy Girl” era, or find yourself fighting against entering this phase, I leave you with a quote from Pema Chödrön:
“Laziness is not particularly terrible or wonderful. Rather it has a basic living quality that deserves to be experienced just as it is. Perhaps we’ll find an irritating, pulsating quality in laziness. We might feel it as dull and heavy or as vulnerable and raw. Whatever we discover, as we explore it further, we find nothing to hold on to, nothing solid, only groundless, wakeful energy.
This process of experiencing laziness directly and nonverbally is transformative. It unlocks a tremendous energy that is usually blocked by our habit of running away. This is because when we stop resisting laziness, our identity as the one who is lazy begins to fall apart completely. Without the blinders of ego, we connect with a fresh outlook, a greater vision. This is how laziness—or any other demon—introduces us to the compassionate life.”