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My entire life has been full of friendships that have come and gone.

A few age-old relationships have stayed the course and those are some of my closest friends today, or my best friends, so I thought.

What is a best friend? Someone who’s always there for me, comforts me, listens to me, challenges me, teaches me, loves me, and respects me. My best friend has seen me at my worst and at my best and I can trust my life in my best friend’s hands.

Almost three years ago, I met another best friend, my partner. She was everything I’ve ever dreamed of and more and had all of the above qualities and more. We have a connection that is unexplainable and a deep love for one another. I took it for granted and wasn’t in a place to treasure what I had found. What was I missing?

In November, I started a massive transformation that has led me away from habits that were not conducive to my happiness. I started a journey of self-worth, self-growth, and a search for who I am. A path to find happiness, spirituality, and love.

With the love and support of my partner throughout the years, I had all the tools to make this happen and finally the decision to embark. I connected to my long-lost spirituality and challenged myself beyond any previous experience in my entire life. I pushed myself to my physical, mental, and spiritual limits, and started finding a stride.

While I am confronted by emotions, fear, and revelations daily, this path, while difficult, has been by far the most rewarding I’ve ever followed. For I have finally found my long-lost best friend, me.

For my entire life, I was searching for a best friend outside of myself. Searching for love before finding my own love inside of my heart. Searching for a soul mate before becoming in touch with my own soul. It was a joyous occasion finally seeing my own worth and being able to realize I was my own best friend.

While I was doing daily affirmations and visualizations in the mirror, I broke down into tears while thanking myself for my tenacity, strength, and courage to make this transformation. I told the man in the mirror that I loved him and started bawling. In that moment, I looked up and realized, it’s me.

I’m always there for myself. I’m always challenging myself. I will always love myself. I will teach me, listen to me, and respect me. I have been there through my worst and best moments and I always will be. My best friend is me!

An overwhelming amount of trauma in the form of pain, fear, and a feeling of unworthiness suddenly shed from my body like a cold plunge shocking my system. I felt rejuvenated and most of all, I felt loved.

I realize that this work will continue to be a challenge and I have to take care of my best friend and remind him who he is. Finding my best friend at 40 is probably the best thing that ever happened to me. Now, I am ready to share my love and friendship with my partner, my family, and my friends.

My best friend, me, will always come first. He has to. 

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