I notice parts of my mind at times wrestling with things, trying to make sense of something, understand something, come to a definite conclusion, form a defined, solid understanding.

So I can have a solid, defined understanding.

Wrap a ribbon and tie a bow around that opinion or that understanding.

As if there must be a defined, solid, unwavering opinion, a firm understanding.

I can see the parts almost negotiating. The different thoughts arising, how my mind is trying to figure out how to make them work together, how to make them fit.

It’s like there’s a part of me that feels there must be an answer, but for some reason I just can’t see it yet; I can’t figure out how it works.

And this is what I’ve been contemplating, sitting with, allowing myself to understand:

We don’t have to know the answer.

We don’t have to have things figured out.

It’s okay to not know. It’s okay to not understand.

And this is one thing we could all make space for in our lives:

The not knowing. The not seeing. The not understanding.

Allowing ourselves to not know. To not have the answer. To be okay with the not knowing, with the not having the answer, with the sticky middle place of seemingly conflicting thoughts that can’t reconcile in just the way some part of us might like.

The not being able to see or know or understand what we’re wanting to see or know or understand, in that moment.

We can’t always have things figured out in the way we might like.

Sometimes we just have to be okay with not knowing, be accepting of this space of not knowing or not understanding.

It’s okay to wonder and to want to know, to feel like there’s something that we want to make sense out of but can’t. But maybe we don’t need to know.

Maybe there are some things we’re not meant to know or figure out, or maybe it’s just not time. Maybe the answer will come to us sometime in the future. And maybe it won’t.

Maybe part of the opportunity for us is being able to accept this space, sit in it, allow it—the not knowing, the not understanding. The not having things figured out.

For many of us, this can feel uncomfortable because we want to know. We like to know. We like how it feels to know.

Most of us like to feel like we have things figured out, have fully formed opinions or beliefs or feelings on things that seem important to us. It makes us feel safe and secure, somewhat stable. It feels reliable. Known. Sure.

When I notice my mind toiling with a particular thing, and I finally create a little distance, I notice myself saying to myself it’s okay that I don’t know. I don’t have to know. I don’t have to figure it out.

I don’t have to know and I don’t have to figure it out.

I know that the answer will come to me if it’s meant to.

Because that I do know: it will come to me if it’s meant to.

~

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