I am a power and sex coach for women.

And for a while now, I’ve been careful to spell out “s&x” and “pl&asure” when posting on social media so I wouldn’t get shadow banned.

But ever since Mark Zuckerberg decided to lick Trump’s boots and publicly said he wanted more “masculine energy” on his platform, I have at least 50 percent less views on my posts.

I have a seen a brilliant female doctor who specializes in menopause give the results of her latest research while faking putting on makeup in front of a mirror to trick the algorithm. It was the only way she felt she could pass on this important info.

My artist friend posts about her newest creations and personal reflections, but any time she posts a book cover, she has almost no views.

We all see accounts of people working in our industry who get much more visibility than us with their “lifestyle marketing,” when we’re trying to share meaningful pieces of information instead of just our avocado salad. It makes it hard to not fall in the “compare and despair” vortex.

I am 50, and I keep getting before and after pics of plastic surgery and botox transformations, even though I’m not following any accounts on that topic.

Honestly, I’m lucky I’ve been in the game long enough to have most of my clients coming in through word of mouth. But still, it’s frustrating.

And when I shared this frustration with people, this is the kind of unsolicited advice I got: 

“You should post more about the ocean and your surf life.”

“You should do a quick video when you cycle in the forest.”

“You should talk to [insert the name of a brainless influencer], coach her for free and she can repost you.”

“People want to be entertained.”

Hell no!

I coach women about power. For almost 20 years, I’ve done countless valuable trainings, gained wonderful tools, and coached hundreds of women. And people, along with the algorithm, are still asking me to prolong this patriarchal circus that has held women for centuries in the same old “good girl” cage.

Because the algorithm is boosting and rewarding accounts that reinforce “good girl” behaviour:

>> Be sexy. Be beautiful.

>> Maintain that sexiness, that beauty, that body.

>> Show more of that sexiness, that beauty, that body than your brain or your creativity.

>> Smile and be entertaining.

>> Cook, dance, and put on makeup.

>> Do your best to not age or to “age well.”

>> Your lifestyle will give you more visibility than your meaningful work.

>> Visibility wins over skill.

>> Do not rest—post often if you want attention but know it will never be enough.

How do those principles make you feel in your body?

For me, I feel the same way I did when I was younger and men dared to tell me to “smile.”

I know I could leave these platforms, but I am French and believe revolution happens within a system, not from stepping aside. And I do think, with time and persistence, that we, the people, can always shape-shift the world around us.

I don’t have an ideal or immediate solution, but I want to share some thoughts and observations that could flip the coin in the long run:

1. Noticing is important. We have to start with awareness. Notice when you’re posting from your heart (after all, we can feel like sharing a sexy dance), and when the algorithm is “should-ing” you into posting a certain way for more visibility. When the algorithm leads our behaviour, we feel resentment afterward. It’s normal but we have to remember we’re just obeying the patriarchy again, and this can create an energy leak.

2. More and more, I’m seeing accounts not aligned with what the algorithm wants emerging and getting some visibility. Accounts that feel nourishing when they come across your feed. Follow them; and like and comment to boost them. They are paving the way toward taking up space without compromising your soul—and your support is the accelerator.

3. Remember, these platforms feed off our attention. And we can be the mistress of our own attention. Go check all the accounts you follow and choose to unfollow any that reinforce, in any way, the ideology that women should serve or be at men’s disposal.

This can look like:

>> The yoga teacher who sells spirituality with handstands in a bikini on the beach.

>> Any self-development worker talking more about their lifestyle than their process.

>> All of these “I live my best life” influencers with promo codes, not because it’s bad to sell but because it doesn’t serve us to pay people who fill up their grid with emptiness in order to do it, especially when inspiring people are waiting in the shadow.

>> All of these Kardashians or people who have the nerve to call themselves hard workers when they had money (and a consistent network) from the beginning.

>> Tradwives who are, in fact, not tradwives but entrepreneurs selling you stuff, or conveying the message that this lifestyle is a guarantee for safety. Spoiler, it’s not. (I am not criticizing women who genuinely choose to be stay-at-home moms or wives and are living this each day, and not just for show.)

If you have any other suggestions, please feel free to leave them in the comments section!

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