When I was pregnant with my boy, people frequently asked me if I was going to become the next big “parenting” writer.

My answer was always a solid no.

Although I have a ton to say about parenting and children, I just can’t bring myself to do it. I don’t want to make any parents out there feel guilty or inadequate.

As a parent, I understand we’re all doing the best we can with what we have. And, I know that reading unsolicited advice online could bring to the surface many deep-seated emotions that may not ring true.

So when I say “mistakes,” I don’t mean anything malicious or wrong. Because the truth is we can never be perfect parents. Despite our best efforts to be flawless, the truth is we are only human.

Your mistakes as parents are inevitable. Even with all the resources and information we have, I constantly worry that my son will carry wounds from me or his father that we never meant to cause.

That’s why I emphasize the word “accidentally”—because most parents don’t intentionally hurt their children. Parenthood is a long, arduous journey that has many ups and downs. Having said that, any resulting mistakes might stem from oversight, a lack of resources, burnout, or conditioned behavioral patterns.

But it’s never too late to learn something new. It’s never too late to change. Personally, I was robbed of my self-esteem when I was a child. Because I’ve spent most of my adulthood rebuilding my own self-worth, I know how crucial it is to raise confident, independent children.

A confident child will turn into an adult who makes independent decisions that feel right. This adult will know what he/she deserves and won’t settle for less. This will dramatically reduce the chances of being in an unhealthy environment, a toxic relationship, or a controlling friendship.

Adults who know their worth are resilient.

For them, challenges are opportunities—not hindrances. They stand up for themselves, ask the right questions, and aren’t afraid to be themselves.

Shaping an adult like this from scratch might sound challenging. As a fellow parent, I know you think you are already doing that (and maybe you are, which is great). But maybe you’re (accidentally) not.

If you would like to dive deeper into this topic, I’m here to tell you that, as parents, it is our responsibility to shape that adult. When raising our children, we often see them exactly as they are: just kids. We forget that someday they will be adults, just like us.

To raise confident children, we must first have the courage to imagine who they will become. We often react impulsively to chaotic or upsetting situations with our children, overlooking how our reaction might be shaping the adult within them.

So, in stressful moments, we need to pause and check in with ourselves before reacting. How will my reaction impact my child in the future? Is my reaction or behavior helping him/her become a confident adult?

I can see clearly now the unintentional errors that happened during my own childhood. With commitment and a staggering amount of confidence, I’m breaking the cycle with my son. Parenting doesn’t come with an instruction manual—and our parents didn’t know any better.

But, maybe, we do. We live in a time where we are much more conscious of generational trauma and how it impacts us. So, yes, we can do better. We can transform the word “accidentally” into “intentionally” and replace “mistakes” with “outcomes.”

To switch from accidental mistakes to intentional outcomes, we need to recognize the very first barrier:

Overprotection.

More to come in part two.

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