5 Loving Ways to Deal with Our Childhood Issues – Forgiveness Heals.

Via on Apr 20, 2011

I’m placing my aching heart before you – please operate.

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At some point in our lives it’s important to forgive our parents for whatever they may have done to hurt or disappoint us and most importantly to allow ourselves to heal.

It can seem extremely difficult to forgive the people who have brought us into this life and then perhaps abandoned or deprived us of some very special ingredients i.e. love, guidance and attention, etc.

Some of the issues we have as adults (intimacy, anger, anxiety and self esteem) most likely developed when we were children. Perhaps we don’t even realize or understand the trauma that stems from long ago, but no matter what, as we persevere on our journey to discovering our true selves, we need to be able to open new doors, develop peace of mind and accept that all beings are fallible and worthy of love.

1. Find the strength. Know that you already have the ability to tap into the strength and resilience that lies within. You made it this far. You have the ability to go further, all you have to do is believe. Make a willed choice to replace the negative thoughts, patterns and experiences with compassion and positivity. Changing patterns requires more practice than choice. Use your strength to do so. Know that you are capable of extraordinary acts of love and heroic changes of heart. You can heal.

When obstruction arises, practice the opposite thought. – Yoga Sutras 2.33, Patanjali

2. Forgiveness and self forgiveness. Many of us may question why it’s important to forgive. It’s important because in so many ways it sets us free. If we refuse to forgive we remain a constant prisoner and victim of the past. We incessantly relive old patterns, old beliefs and then send these messages out into the world to be replicated by others over and over again. We forgive for the sake of our own inner freedom, to relinquish ourselves from the past and to become present. We forgive to reconnect with the oneness of the world.

Who says I can’t be free

From all the things that I used to be

Rewrite my history –

Who says I can’t be free?

- John Mayer

3. Release. Mediate, do yoga, pray, volunteer – find ways to access your inner grace. Don’t suppress your emotions. Journal, talk about it and allow your grievances and pain to move around. We often pack our trauma and hardships into tiny boxes and hide them deep inside our being. We avoid these areas as we’re afraid of what it might feel like if we rediscover them, if we deal with them. Don’t be afraid. Talk to your parents. Be assertive, but compassionate. It will only help you. Even if they don’t listen or don’t’ want to hear it, it will help.

4. You are what you think. Stop beating yourself up. No matter how they treated you, no matter what happened, it wasn’t because there was something wrong with you. Stop judging yourself, being overly critical and feeling you weren’t good enough. Be honest and aware about what your actions, reactions and intentions are trying to compensate for in life.

5. All signs point back to you. You are in control. If your parents were abusive to you, or just not all they could be, know that they were probably victims of the same behavior. You have the ability to change this. For your children, your family, friendships and relationships, you can break this pattern. And, in the end, if you don’t get an apology or if your relationship with your parents doesn’t change for the better over time, know that you have. No matter what, it all always boils back down to you. Perhaps if we all work diligently on our ‘issues’ we become less careless to keep passing them on.

Asato Ma Sat Gamaya
Tamaso Ma Jyotir Gamaya
Mrityor Ma Amritam Gamaya
Om Shanti Shanti Shanti.

Lead Us From the Unreal To Real,
Lead Us From Darkness To Light,
Lead Us From Death To Immortality,
Aum (the universal sound of God)
Let There Be Peace Peace Peace.

About Tanya Lee Markul

Yoga Editor, Elephant Journal. I yoga, write, take photos and I investigate existentially. I got a thing for those who have found expression through some form of mastery or artistic fashion, and sincerity. (You set me free I set you). I adore anything that is equally cute and creepy. The most special ingredient you can find, be and put into anything is: yourself. Remember, everything you want, you already have and are. Look within. The more you use it, the more it will grow. For more randomness and love, visit me at Rebelle Lotus and, you don't want to miss the creative rebellion at Rebelle Society. Join us.

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13 Responses to “5 Loving Ways to Deal with Our Childhood Issues – Forgiveness Heals.”

  1. [...] sight, taste, sound and touch can revert us back to a time that was significant in our lives. We hold onto these moments (both good and bad). Sometimes we may not even be able to remember the entire instance, but select [...]

  2. tamara says:

    this was lovely and perfect for me to read today. Issues I had thought I'd forgiven/resolved were triggered this past week and have felt caught in a space of anger/blame that last few days. So thank you for your words and the perfect reminder! Curious if the last passage is a song….?

    • Tamara says:

      hey nice name. and, i've had the same experience this week.

    • tanya lee markul says:

      Hi Tamara. Thanks so much for sharing. I have experienced this many times in my life. There are so many layers to our beings and we seem to store and hide things in any space that we can. These little things then seem to reappear when we least expect them to, or just as we thought we were 'over' it. When I start to feel this way I try hard to not attach anything 'new' to it – analyzations, blame, etc. Try to observe and breathe my way through it. You can do it. :-) Are you wondering about Asato… it is a mantra – check it out http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8lBJxl5TE00&fe…. Much love, Tanya

  3. Joe Sparks says:

    Everyone one of us who have grown up in this culture have these "frozen needs" that get attached to others unawarely. Like love, closeness, security, etc. These are some of the basic rational needs we needed growing up, but we never got. We are now longing for our "true love" to fill those needs. It gets attached to a person. That's why relationships never work based on that premise. No one can fill that old need. It needs to be felt. The pain of abandonemnt , isolation, unlovable, etc.. feels unbearable, most people are unwilling to face and feel those deep early hurts and you can't do it alone. We have become a culture of numbing ourselves with things etc…

    • tanya lee markul says:

      Hi Joe. Thanks for your reply. I was just thinking about this yesterday – how here in the Western world we have so many methods to numb or escape – the television, food, alcohol, bad relationships, etc, etc, etc. And, i agree, in order to heal a lot of those old hurts, we can't do it alone. I suppose that is why it's so important to build strong communities and have support systems around us that build each other up versus tearing each other down…

  4. [...] The biggest block to teaching is fear. And most of this fear is the fear of not being liked. It’s why inexperienced teachers cling to their notes like a security blanket or hide behind the yogic beats of their favorite musician. Teaching puts your people-pleasing skills out there on parade for everyone to see. Scary, but it doesn’t have to be. The only way through the fear of teaching or telling others you teach is to do it. It’s like yoga. Yoga does all it promises to do, but you need to do it. Same with teaching yoga. Teaching yoga will dramatically change your life, but you need to stare down the fear like the matador against beast. You must tame the fear by practice-teaching it away. [...]

  5. [...] Deal with your issues. Deal with your own sh*t and honor your mistakes. Own up to everything and don’t pass your crap [...]

  6. [...] have other ideas, of course. Meditate together. Inventory your mother wound. What legacy, good and bad, did you learn from your mother? Write three pages about how you’ve [...]

  7. [...] we need to work hard to understand and accept them before we can rise above them. We all have a black hole within – we all have things like fear, insecurity and shame. Retraining our minds and bodies is a step [...]

  8. [...] I think it’s also important to mention that there are several interpretations and translations, but that it is possible that through practice, we all can gain an understanding that goes beyond words. [...]

  9. [...] time. Each time my mind goes back to the first few months of running – not only physical pain, but mental anguish of my own doing – I bring it back to my feet and the earth and how we are working together to achieve this [...]

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