Give Me Some Bad Advice.

Via on Jan 10, 2012

It’s great to be good, but I don’t want to become one of those people.

 

 

 

 

 

You know the type. They love to tell you all the wonderfully healthy and noble things they do. Since I’m going vegan with Waylon, and Jessica Durivage has talked me into 40 days of yoga, I’m a little worried I might be getting too darn squeaky clean to be likeable.

I’m vegan, love to exercise and be active. Tried smoking some interesting stuff when I was young and invincible, but gave that up a long time ago. Rarely drink, and usually have one glass of wine,  maybe two. Don’t swear much. Always floss. Rarely watch television. Meditate daily. Give to charities and causes I believe in with my time and money. Hmph. It might be time for a new vice.

So help me out. Here are my current vices:

1. I drink too much coffee. I drink two mugs a day. The mug is about the size of my head. To be fair, though, I don’t usually finish them both.

2. I do spend a lot of time on Facebook and Twitter. Since my goal there is generally to network and find ways to be of benefit to others, I’m not sure if that counts as a vice.

3. I chew on my pens.

4. I hate putting laundry away and avoid it when I can.

5. Ummm….

Yeah. Lame.

I posed the question to my friends on Facebook and received 46 comments! Apparently everyone else thinks I need a vice as well.

Here are a few of the suggestions:

1. Flash people your “cupcakes” while driving. (Hmmm…seems dangerous.)

2. Crystal meth, snuff porn, and reality television. (Reality TV is appalling.)

3. Swearing more. (Maybe. We’ll see what you mothereffers suggest first.)

4. Stop shaving armpits. (I’m sure Eve Ensler will probably excommunicate me from the feminists for saying it, but I like to be clean shaven. Not obsessive about it. It’s just what I like. So there.)

5. Start reading Harlequin romance novels. (Yeah, right up there with Reality TV)

6. Start reading gossip magazines. (I don’t buy print mags much no matter what the topic. Just not that eco, and so much good content online. I can even get The New Yorker on my Nook now.)

7. Lots of suggestions that I drink more, smoke pot, smoke crack, become a drug dealer etc. (Perhaps people would like to see me relax a bit more.)

8.  Stop flossing. (That’s a big no. Ick.)

9. Acquire an annoying tapping, pen-clicking or similar habit.

10. There was some mention of vegan chocolate cake. (Which would be nice right about now…)

 

So what do you say? What’s your favorite (legal) vice and why should I take it up for 30 days?

 

 

About Kate Bartolotta

Kate Bartolotta is the strongest girl in the world. She is the love child of a pirate and a roller derby queen. She hails from the second star to the right. Her love of words is boundless, but she knows that many of life’s best moments are completely untranslatable. When she is not writing, you may find her practicing yoga, devouring a book, playing with her children, planting dandelions, or dancing barefoot with her heart on her sleeve. She is madly in love with life and does not know how this story ends; she’s making it up as she goes. Kate is the owner and editor-in-chief of Be You Media Group. She also writes for The Huffington Post, elephant journal, The Good Men Project, The Green Divas, Yoganonymous, The Body Project, Project Eve, Thought Catalog and Soulseeds. She facilitates writing workshops and retreats throughout North America. Heart Medicine, Kate's book on writing, is now available on Amazon.com You can follow Kate on Facebook and Twitter

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35 Responses to “Give Me Some Bad Advice.”

  1. elephantjournal says:

    My favorite vice: hot baths. Though, like a good green puritan, I bucket the water into my xeriscaped lawn…oh, this is sounding like a Portlandia episode. ~ Waylon.

    PS: tamest vice ever

  2. Adam Salem says:

    GET INVOLVED in the OCCUPY Movement!!!!…and swear more!!!!

  3. Bryon says:

    Killin drifters?

  4. Um, Swami Vivekenanda's was cigars and chocolate ice cream, so I think you are doing OK!

  5. Ben Ralston Ben_Ralston says:

    Yeah! Cigars… or a pipe :)

    • Ummm….eww! I actually did smoke a cigar on my 21st bday at this cool jazz place. Didn't know you weren't supposed to inhale…also thought it would be cool to keep the butt of it as a momento & woke up the next morning to an apartment that smelled like ashtray.

  6. newyogagirl says:

    How about Men as a vice?

  7. Andrew Gurvey agurvey says:

    Become militant about being a vegan. Start criticizing other peoples' choices both about diet and about yoga.

  8. So from the looks of it, I will be spending more time naked & getting more hot baths this month! Unless I get any suggestions I like better by tonight!

  9. Tatum Bacchi tatumann says:

    Skittles and Potato Chips… totally vegan ;)

  10. Brianna says:

    I have an idea for you Kate. Take miracle berry. It's a drug…well plant derived….and legal that enhances the flavors of food for about 30 minutes. Super fun and amazing. It may help you get the vegan food down also. haha.

  11. ARCreated says:

    baths and walking around naked are vices??? I guess I'm not as good as I thought…that's how i live my life!

  12. Sneaux says:

    Start buying outrageously expensive shoes and then brag about it…

    Or how about obsessively paying more attention to your phone than other people???

    • Eh…too poor to buy outrageously expensive shoes unless I want to stop feeding my kids & paying my mortgage & all that good boring stuff!

      Second one sucks. Already fight that battle at times.

  13. Lucy says:

    where are all these people, I don't know people like this, my vices, lets just say are x rated for the most part, or at least r, I will give you a couple, Patron Cafe Tequila shots, lots of wine, dirty martinis with olives stuffed with blue cheese, and sex lots of sex..and porn, spending money on shoes, lingerie and makeup.

  14. Xander says:

    Go on a few dates, open yourself up to people you wouldn't normally. And let them get to you. It's just thirty days right? :)

  15. Laura says:

    C-h-o-c-o-l-a-t-e!!!! Rich, dark chocolate!!! And some lingerie that makes you feel lovely :)

  16. Olga says:

    You should go on a find "that" guy quest. The one that's too into himself, too vain, too hot, too… whatever you hate. Go out and seek him. That would be such a fun vice!

  17. Andrea Balt Andréa Balt says:

    I'd stay with the vegan chocolate cake. Eat it at midnight, it's super healthy and it'll help you sleep well. :)

    My vice… hmmmm… every now and then I'll watch a movie in the middle of the night – from 2 to 4 am – (like on a friday night) and eat a lot of popcorn. hahahah… so lame.

    Wait, no, I think my worst vice is being about a half hour late for all my meetings/classes/appointments pretty much everything that requires a previous commitment. If there is none, then I’m early.

    I suck at giving vice advice.

  18. Candice Garrett Candice Garrett says:

    sappy british miniseries and copious amounts of wine. Or, if that fails, become a part of the grammar police.

  19. I hate being late. Couldn't do that one it would make me crazy (crazier?) How 'bout popcorn & a movie in the bathtub and 3 a.m.?

  20. [...] of the most annoying thing a friend or colleague can do is to constantly offer you advice when you are not requesting [...]

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