10 Ways to Ruin Easter Dinner.

Via on Apr 8, 2012

Want to ruin Easter dinner? It’s easy!

Step 1: Make constant references comparing Jesus to a zombie. Hmmm…rose from the dead? Wants the hearts and minds of men? Is it Jesus…or a zombie? Or Zombie Jesus!

Step 2: Remind everyone that their Easter candy was made by slaves.

Step 3: Baa, moo or oink accordingly every time someone takes a bite of the meat that is being served.

Step 4: Show up wearing fur and say, “Hey kids, guess what? I caught the Easter Bunny!”

Step 5: Remind everyone that you’re vegan every few minutes and sulk in the corner with a carrot.

Step 6: Start conversations with, “You know what I hate about Obama?” with your super liberal relatives, wait for it to get heated and walk away.

Step 7: Start conversations with, “You know what I hate about Mitt Romney?” with your super conservative relatives, wait for it to get heated and walk away.

Image: someecards

Step 8: Tell any kids within earshot that the Easter Bunny isn’t real and all that crap is from their parents.

Step 9: Take this opportunity to tell your family why you dislike their religion of choice and think yours is superior.

Step 10: Write an obnoxious satirical blog post about how to be a jerk at the holidays and then send it to everyone you know on Facebook.


The truth is, I celebrate Easter. I celebrate it as another way to enjoy the great parts of life and connect with family.

I’ve seen (and done) some variation on some of these at Easter and other holidays, and while it’s good for a laugh, it’s a good reminder too. Celebrate the parts you love, and don’t get so bent out of shape about the rest of it.

We can try to be at peace with our families even if they drive us crazy sometimes. And we can try not to be assh*les when people see things differently than us.


Happy Easter, Passover, Ostara and any other spring holiday I’ve forgotten! (Make something nice for the vegans in your family!).

About Kate Bartolotta

Kate Bartolotta is the strongest girl in the world. She is the love child of a pirate and a roller derby queen. She hails from the second star to the right. She doesn't know how to behave with all the apples and ibexes. She doesn't suffer from her eight million freckles, she loves them! Like a rolling stone, Kate gathers no moss. Kate loves kale, being barefoot, Dr. Seuss, singing too loudly, gallivanting, palindromes, blackberries and has far too many books for her own good. When she's not writing, you can find her practicing yoga, running in the woods, playing with her kids, devouring a book, planting dandelions, changing the world and doing her dishes. Kate does not play the accordion. She is a massage therapist, writer and a compassionate friend to all. This year Kate aspires to finally give up on learning to knit and will instead spend that time putting a little bit more of her heart on the page. Connect with Kate on Facebook and Twitter


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4 Responses to “10 Ways to Ruin Easter Dinner.”

  1. Aunty says:

    Geez, now I'm reminded that 30 years ago on Easter I ran over a rabbit….No one would let me live it down for years.

  2. Hanuman says:

    Ten steps that will most certainly ruin everyone's day! Good post, Kate! LOL

  3. heather says:

    HAHAHAHAH. great

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