Love Your Fear. ~ Kathryn Visser

Via on Apr 24, 2012
Photo: Kathryn Visser

Last week I came home grumpy from yoga.

My wonderfully attentive husband raised an eyebrow and called me to his lap where I spilled out all of my frustrations with my practice. I’ve been at this yoga thing for over a decade. I know I have the strength, the flexibility, and the understanding of my body to perform handstand. I am equally aware that it is my fear that prevents me.

My husband’s response was one of the biggest compliments he has ever given me.

“Honey, I love your Fear.”

In that moment I realized that I’ve always considered my fears as a bad thing, a weakness, an inadequacy. How could a man love this flaw? And even more importantly, could I?

Yoga Philosophy acknowledges the human emotion of fear, particularly the fear of death. The Sutras provide a guide, a path, towards a state of enlightenment in which even the fear of death is conquered. Pantanjali states,

“The Fear of Death is found to disappear with the acquisition of True Knowledge.’

Photo by Kathryn Visser

It is the pursuit of this True Knowledge that brings me to my mat. It is in practice where I learn what I’m really made of.

I start with the vibrations. By drawing my awareness to the physical sensations, I can actually start to feel my body. I notice my clenched jaw, the tightness at the base of my neck, the looseness of my hips. Then I delve deeper in to the Knowledge of Me by consciously feeling my emotions. Sometimes there’s an immediate, superficial emotion, like frustration, that is masking something much different. I seek deeper, reveling in the texture of the emotion, the taste of the Knowledge.

Pulling from another great text, the Bible states, “The Fear of the Lord is the beginning of knowledge.” (Proverbs 1:7).

In this context, fear is not a distressing emotion of dread but one of reverential awe. This is the kind of respect I saw in my husband’s eyes as I bemoaned my shaky attempts at handstand.

One of the dictionary’s definitions of the word sacred is, “to be reverently dedicated to some person or purpose.” That’s exactly how I feel about my yoga practice. It has been my purpose to show up every day in order to learn how to love myself. I’ve struggled with chronic depression since the age of six, and it wasn’t until I found yoga, that I began to heal.

Perhaps this seemingly frustrating emotion is one to be greatly respected. My fears are a culmination of who I am, the experiences I’ve had, and the ways I’ve chosen to interpret things. My fear is part of the girl I’m getting to know on my mat, the girl my husband loves.

As I drop below superficial feelings of inadequacy, I kick one leg up. I truly acknowledge my fear as the second leg lifts. I rest both heels on the wall and revel in the taste of it, the honest knowledge of myself, and for one brief moment my heels drift away…

~
Kathryn has been committed to the path of yoga for over 8 years. In regards to asana, she is certified and dedicated to the traditional lineage of Ashtanga. In addition to Ashtanga, Kathryn also teaches dynamic vinyasa flow classes and the Hot yoga series.

“I entered the door of yoga to find another way to exercise. It wasnʼt long that I realized I could let go of my destructive over-ambition and settle in to a practice that kept my body healthy while allowing myself to relax in to the beauty that is my life. I believe we are given hardships so that we can have compassion and help others who struggle with similar things. I struggle with chronic pain and depression and it is my sincere intention to use my knowledge in the field of yoga to serve those around me.”

Kathryn can be found every week teaching at the Yoga Pod.

~

Editor: Lynn Hasselberger

About Yoga Pod

The YogaPod is nestled at the base of the Flatirons in Boulder, Colorado, located at the 29th Street Mall. The YogaPod Mission is to create a sanctuary of peace where each student can rejuvenate their body, refresh their mind and replenish their spirit. The serenity of our silent room cultivates an attitude of peace and tranquility and we strive to create an atmosphere that celebrates diversity, promotes friendship, and builds a strong community. We offer classes to suit all levels - for beginning students and intermediate to advanced practitioners. Everyone is welcome!

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7 Responses to “Love Your Fear. ~ Kathryn Visser”

  1. Great piece Kathryn. Shared on EJ FB page: https://www.facebook.com/elephantjournal

    Cheers,
    Jeannie Page

  2. Tanya Lee Markul Tanya Lee Markul says:

    Posted to Elephant Yoga on Facebook and Twitter.

    Tanya Lee Markul, Yoga Editor
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  3. [...] me tell you, that fear never goes away. It just [...]

  4. allclear says:

    Very inspiring, thanks Kathryn, Nice to get a perspective that the journey is ongoing (even for teachers!) and the level of truth we seek and find in ourselves can reveal itself on the mat if we are conscious and seeking. I feel fortunate to have you and Dave as teachers.

  5. [...] fears stem from childhood experiences and from defining our worth externally through others’ [...]

  6. [...] Fear is conditional. It is weak and deceitful; it suspects, dictates, avoids, is angry, hurts, worries, is afraid, rejects, suffers, needs, imprisons. [...]

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