19 Simple Guidelines: How to be a Gentleman.
When I was a boy, fatherless but thoroughly mothered, fictional and real-life men alike showed and told me how to be a man.
I found these men in real life (Willy Ryken, a founder of our Summer Camp and Buddhist troublemaker, and many other father figures my mother connected me with), in history (Winston Churchill, FDR), through fiction (F. Scott Fitzgerald, Huck Finn, Tintin), baseball (Dave Winfield, Lou Gehrig), Buddhism (Trungpa), through basketball (Magic), etc. And, through the movies, some were bad boys—like Errol Flynn or Toshiro Mifune—but they were still inspired by higher causes, by being of service, by dignity and nobility. Some models of gentlemanhood were quieter, more humble or modest but still charming and fun, like Paul Newman or Robert Redford.
But say the word “gentleman,” and still no one comes to mind more universally, perhaps, than Cary Grant.
In any case—the word itself is imbued with power—the power of gentleness borne of self-confidence, of modesty and humor, of style, of service, of manhood fully realized.
Gentleman. It’s a worthy notion for we men to contemplate, from the inside, out—and it’s perhaps the only worthy sort of man to look for, for those attracted to men.
Gentlemanhood is, as mentioned above, fundamentally about a lack of self concern, about taking oneself, and life, lightly—and yet allowing one’s experience, and life’s suffering, to be felt deeply, fully, bravely, tenderly. It’s both, therefore, about style and charm, on a personal level, and about being inspired to dedicated one’s days to a higher cause, to have the strength and generosity to be of service, on an outward level. And the mark of such service? Charm. Dignity, nobility. The outward signs we all recognize as that of a gentleman.
It’s about being good: and wearing one’s goodness lightly. As Cary Grant put it, it’s a work in progress:
“I pretended to be somebody I wanted to be until finally I became that person. Or he became me.”
It’s serve even when one doesn’t feel like serving. It’s having the bravery, and kindness, to practice holding it all—good and bad, happy and sad—in our hearts:
~
Quiet confidence, embodied:
Bonus: What makes life so difficult? Easy.
Bonus: In Defense of “Making Love.”
Source: google.com via Mandy on Pinterest
Incorrect source, offensive, or found a typo? Or do you want to write for Elephant?
We need to encourage presentations of men in the media, TV, movies, etc. that include the reality of their humanness and the real conditions of their real lives. Include in the portrayals of male hero figures their struggles and their ability to show their feelings as a healthy response of being confidently male. Men are portrayed as rarely to be trusted to act human. Even male "heroes" are oftened given one-sided and simplified characterizations. Transform the mass media into a force that communicates the reality about men and all human beings instead of having to be a "man" and into a force for human liberation, education, and communication for all.
That was cool. Thanks for posting that.
I love Cary Grant, he has always been my ideal of the perfect man – suave , cool, charming, incredibly handsome, funny, a master of the one-liner and a dapper dresser to boot. But his on screen persona was a far cry from his private life. He was gay, but had to keep up Hollywood appearances by appearing to be straight, even though he would often be out and about with long time lover Randolf Scott. He married several times, but was wracked with insecurities and depression throughout his life and was rejected by the Academy, never receiving acknowledgement til he was an old man when he was finally given an award for his life's work. Throughout all he was never less than 'manly' in the real sense of the word and I love him all the more for his utter humaness.
Wonderful! thanks for being my Cary Grant son for 5 days here! I feel loved and spoiled, dined and taxied!–Love, MOM
[...] for your participation in this, it was truly inspiring and I love you all! Good luck not crying. Real men [...]
[...] And more. [...]
[...] has been some discussion about what it means to be a gentleman around here lately, so I felt it only appropriate that I make [...]