“My fault, my failure, is not in the passions I have, but in my lack of control of them.” ~ Jack Kerouac
When your relationship starts to feel glitchy, you can ask yourself these two simple questions to help guide you and your partner towards more balance and resonance.
1. Are you spending too much time with your partner?
We’ve all fallen prey to this one, (okay, well I have, at least). We are so enamored with our mate that we start spending every moment of every day with them, until finally we’re annoyed with everything they do, and start to blame them for our unhappiness.
When we look to our mate to fulfill all of our needs, we set ourselves up for disappointment. It’s impossible for our mate to provide us with everything we need, and it’s unfair to expect that from them. First and foremost, we must be committed to meeting our own needs. We must take responsibility for spending quality alone time, and continuing to devote our time and energy to the activities and creative expressions that sustain our well-being. In this way we fill our cup from our own internal wellspring, and when we meet our partner we can share from a full space.
Relationship functions and flows with more passion and ease when we make the commitment to ourselves to connect and share with members of the same sex on a regular basis. Women need feminine reflections, and men need masculine reflections. When we make space in our lives to gather with trusted friends of the same sex, we notice that we come back to our relationship with more space and sexual polarity.
2. Are you not spending enough time with your partner?
There may be times in your relationship when one or both of you may become so consumed in work or personal projects, that your relationship takes the back burner. If your partner doesn’t seem to have time for you, you may try to busy yourself to match them, you may start to feel resentful and act out to get attention, or you may even find yourself looking outside of your relationship for attention.
Sustaining a conscious relationship requires that both participants be willing to invest their time, love, and energy. It is important that we regularly spend time engaging in activities that meet our mutual need for intimacy. This means that we give our partner our full attention, we share authentically from our hearts and let our partner know what’s going on in our internal landscape and that we cuddle, play, pray, or create together on a regular basis.
A conscious relationship seeks to balance our inherent needs for both individuality and communion.
There is a sweet spot right in the middle where we are able to maintain our connection to Self, as well as share and support one another in a conscious and loving way.
Lizzy (Elizabeth Isis Ziogas) is a relationship coach and feminine visionary. She is co-founder of Conscious Love Revolution, an online network of empowered individuals consciously choosing a new way of being and relating in partnership and in the world. Her work in centered in the belief that the missing link in manifesting an absolutely healthy, happy, whole, and generative planet and human family lies in our ability to relate to one another in responsible and compassionate ways. Lizzy and her partner JahSun Martini offer individual and group coaching as well as a free 2-week e-course to support couples in having fulfilling, empowering, and co-creative conscious relationships. They believe that when we heal our relationships, we create the possibility of a healed world. Visit www.consciousloverevolution.com to learn more about their work and to get free access to their course: Conscious Love 101.
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Ed. T. Lemieux/Kate Bartolotta
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