If I Died Today, I Wanted You To Know.

Via on May 2, 2014

lovers

 

If we had met.

We would have held hands.

We would have had baths. With bubbles covering our tempting bits.

We would have shared coy looks and knowing smiles. And made sweet, tender love on a sunlit-streamed bed.

We would have walked in the rain. And laughed and sung out of tune. And laughed again.

We would have ridden bicycles with baskets. And streamers if I would’ve had my way.

I would have.

We would have gone to farmers’ and flea markets and chatted with old men boasting old stories and new wrinkles.

We would have baked cookies at midnight and licked crumbs off our fingers.

We would have kissed from one moon to the next and slept under the stars. We would have liked both a lot.

We would have huddled close together by a crackling fire, the wood smoke stinging our eyes and cloaking our coats.

We would have leaned in to each other against the weight of the world and our leaning would have made everything lighter.

We would have been honest with each other. And appreciative. And kind.

We would have been goofy and animated and outrageous when no one was looking. And sometimes when they were.

And we would have recanted our tales and our travesties while laying in each others’ arms and been comforted by the fragrance of each other’s familiar scent.

We would have read books in bed and out loud. And you would have taken off your glasses to look at me. And that would have made my heart happy.

We would have taught each other things.

We would have made formidable plans and you would have had great ideas and I’d have had great color-coded spreadsheets.

And we would have laughed more. Always there would have been laughter.

And lightness. And being.

We would have taken spontaneous road trips with freedom in our feet and filled our lungs with creation amazed at Nature’s Wonders.

We would have walked in the woods, autumn pine needles pungent in our nostrils; the sharp snap of dry twigs under foot.

We would have touched the bark of the Fir trees and let our eyes mist for their beauty. And the fallen.

We would have sat by fresh springs in silent reverence.

We would have stood up for each other. And maybe something greater.

And we would have felt time slipping by with missing moments and tried to hold on with gripping hearts.

From time to time, we would have noticed our physical changes. Not ugly. Not bad. Just that reminder of time.

We would have taken up new hobbies to try to stay young and met with old friends to reminisce of past times.

We would have run out of things to say and maybe felt restless. Maybe disconnected. But we would have known this too shall pass. And it would have.

We would have lived a lifetime and felt it as less than a moment.

We would have taken notice of each others’ habits and preferences and I would have long ago learned to place out your favourite coffee mug with aged, trembling hand.

And you would have brought home flowering weeds in delicate bouquets and touched my face with tenderness, not seeing the creases that would have formed.

We would have gazed at each other in a moment like this, with eyes expressing fear, and tender love.

We would have made love less but held each other more.

And then one day the sun would have set heavily on our heart replaced with skies lain low like a wet, wool blanket, only memories memories memories left of walking hand in hand, sloshing and wet and wild and juvenile and joyous. And laughing.

Now just one, alone on cold sheets, listening to the drone of the rain on the roof and speaking aloud to the other as though still there. Sinking under a collapsing chest of profound emptiness, surrounded by thunderous silence.

And grieving quietly and violently, feeling eternity meaningless remaining.

Until the morning birds’ started song again, less shrill in our ear.

“Wake up! Get up! Live.”

And so.

With determined breath, we would have picked ourselves up. Because that’s what the other would have wanted.

If I died today, I wanted you to know.

We would have been happy.

 

 Author’s note:

This was half written, and I was half waiting…

Until inspired by this beautiful piece by Emily Bracken. (I bow to you.)

~

Relephant:

A Letter From The Love You Haven’t Met Yet. 

~

 

Love elephant and want to go steady?

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Editor: Travis May

Photo: Pixoto

About Anna Jorgensen

Anna Jorgensen  I'm a logging truck driver's daughter and an ex-realtor-turned-redneck-roots-love-is-the-answer-female-empowerment woman. My blog is unfiltered, uncut, politically incorrect, sardonic, sometimes swear-containing, often offensive, off-side, funny as hell and always real. (Warning: Blog/memoir contain inappropriate TMI.) I'm making a new career out of a mid life crisis living part time on Vancouver Island, Canada and wintering in California and Gypsyland. My purpose: Entertain! Inspire! Be happy, damn it... Free hugs! Find my blog and memoir, Me: A Rewrite, here: link to laughs.

Connect with Anna's real, unfiltered Facebook page here and find her on Twitter.(Save the bees!)

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53 Responses to “If I Died Today, I Wanted You To Know.”

  1. Michele says:

    Your title caught me… If I died today, I wanted you to know"… it immediately hit me straight in my heart centre. Before I even read the article, I thought – deeply – If I knew that I will die today, what is it that I would want people to know? Immediately all the little grudges that I don't necessarily want to admit to, all the self righteous reasons I've told myself are completely legitimate excuses for my behaviour in the past, all of the silly little things other people did, that really, outside of the way that I thought about their actions, have little to no impact on my whatsoever… all of it came tunneling down and incorporated most of the jolt in my heart (and partly in my throat, and interestingly enough, a subsequent tightening of the reins of my emotions…)

  2. Emily Bartran emilybartran says:

    This is beyond beautiful, Anna <3

  3. thepeachtreeca says:

    I have no words! Beautiful, thank you for sharing.

  4. Tammy T. Stone Tammy T. Stone says:

    so clear and honest … thank you! x

  5. (thepeachtreeca) Thank you so much for taking the time, much appreciated! xo

  6. zondra3triana says:

    heart breakingly beautiful.. i identify with all of it.. i feel it.. i know these thoughts.. its like my feelings put down in different words.. this touches me deep down inside.. these are the words i never got to say.. thanks for this..

  7. Gerry Ellen Gerry Ellen says:

    Such a thought-provoking piece. Thank you for sharing your words and heart. :)

  8. Sln says:

    I lost someone I loved, and this is exactly what I wanted to say to her on this birthday of her's, thank you.

  9. dchaley says:

    This is beautiful and made my heart tighten strongly. Thank you for sharing!

  10. lisa hansbauer says:

    Beautifully captured…you made my heart both happy and sad…at the same time <3

  11. Ginger says:

    This was very well done. Clearly you have experienced love and loss to be able to express these emotions so beautifully. Thank you for this very touching writing.

    • Ginger, thank you so much. Yes, I have experienced both and also witnessed it in others. Both are beautiful in their own way. But, yes, also profoundly sad. Life carries on, joy can return.

  12. hydeouscreature says:

    Beautiful…

  13. shannon says:

    So deeply truthful! My son posted this on fb; it’s the kind of love I pray he and all his siblings experience.

    Blessed Be!

  14. Michelle Proudman says:

    This moved me…. So simply, so beautifully….thank you

  15. Robert says:

    I particularly liked the fact that you went into detail about each moment. . I used to think life is a do over it is only here once and thats it. so it is very important to live each moment to its fullest . I though tit was a beautifully written with an inspiring insight . thank you and bless you.

    • Thank you, Robert, for you kind and thoughtful words. Yes, 'this too shall pass' includes everything. The seemingly good and bad. It's all gone with the flutter of a butterfly wing, so let us try to pay attention and enJoy. :)

  16. These are the words of someone who knows what true love is :)

  17. Ahsa says:

    So beautiful!

  18. Tracey Banks says:

    I live for the moment and don't hold back … that just reinforces everything. Thankyou for sharing :-) x

  19. Tanvir Deol says:

    I'm usually one of many words, but not today, not here. So gripping – tugged at every heart string in my body. I sometimes find myself longing for the day where my misses and I can begin to live our lives hand in hand. These sort of gems remind me that if I keep looking ahead, the beauty of the moments and people before me can go so easily missed. Gotta always keep trudging along…so much good out there…so much beauty to intake. I'm smiling :)

  20. Albert says:

    Tomorrow I go for heart surgery, but today I want you to know ………..
    You filled my lonely heart with one last dream and you made see through your eyes the life we should have seen. You will find what you seek because you speak form the heart and you are brave enough to seek what you want. If I die tomorrow I want you to know that I am grateful that we met today.

    • Dawn says:

      I hope your surgery went really well.I pray your day starts with the words of the poem you read.Smiling,laughing,sharing,the things life has to offer.As we get older we experience difficult situations life throws our way.We forget to do the things we started doing before heartaches came our way.I hope I can accomplish these things in life with loved ones.Much Love….

    • Albert. Wow. Thank you so much for such touching words. I pray your surgery went well and that the rest of your years be filled with joy and hope and love. Please let us know how you are doing. xo :)

  21. Linda says:

    Anna that was so beautiful it made my eyes wet …xoxo Linda W

  22. rachael says:

    There are very few things that feel like a cool breeze on summers day,.that then sits at home in your heart making you feel renewed and at home.

    This is one of them.

    I am in love with this piece.

    Thank you

  23. Toni says:

    I LOVED it. Beautiful words x

  24. Diana says:

    I lost my husband six years ago. We were together 41 beautiful years. Your words have touched me so deeply. It's as if you have written what I have lived. And yes, I continue to get up and live each day because this is what he would want me to do. Thank you for expressing so beautifully what I feel

    • Diana, my heart aches for you… And yet how fortunate you were able to share those 41 years. Make him proud by living your remaining years with verve, you deserve this. xo

  25. Dale says:

    What a most beautiful, tender piece of writing. Thank you for sharing!

  26. Jeffery says:

    I cried… and cried…. missing the woman I love that I have not even seen yet…… I Will be arranging to see her soon now. Namaste

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