I’ve been questioned and misunderstood so many times by those who don’t understand why I love the torn, crackled, crumbling hearts and why I refuse to step back or cut myself loose from the barbed wire that is bound around their fragile, splintered, ridden ribcages.

I see flickers of striking hot pain flash across their eyes and I feel the endless voids where love should exist and I move a little closer.

People have harshly told me a thousand, billion times to “Give up,” “Walk away,” or, “It’s just not going to work,” but I carry on regardless.

I’ve been burned, of course. Friendships, romance and family—I’ve been scorched and scarred by them all.

I’ve been bitten, bruised and broken in pieces from the insanely maddening existence that those who are ravaged with rage or destructively numb to the bone rarely escape from.

But, I will walk through hell and high rivers before I would think about cutting ties. And even then, I only reluctantly burn worn-out bridges and sever connections entirely.

The reason for this is because despite how mysteriously menacingly people treat us, I really believe that a yearning for a graceful genuine love exists deep in the heart of every single outwardly hardened soul out there. Even the ones that are callously cruel, cold and ruthlessly torturous have something cursing and screaming within them that needs to be held and loved.

Now, I know that this belief has gotten me into so many difficulties and caused me to taste bitter pills and even become desperately ill from the side effects of the medicine their love is laced in.

But, truly, I can’t bear the thought of anyone on this planet, that we are blessed to share, to feel like they are not worthy and do not deserve to feel loved.

As hard as I have tried I can’t un-care or un-love people. Logically it might make a lot of sense to distance myself from people who intentionally or unintentionally try to do me harm, but something inside me just refuses to leave people during their darkest days or hours.

It isn’t that I’m not strong or courageous enough to walk away—I know that I am. I have survived devastating blows to my emotional, mental and physical worlds and I know that I can walk with calm and clarity through the wildest of hurricanes. It is simply that I choose not to.

It is my personal choice and not one that I would ever lightly recommend.

I know that I am not on this planet to fix broken people or to stitch and heal every wound. But, without doubt I am here to love and I’ve long since realized that nothing or no one, no matter how far they push or try to test my extremes, will ever succeed in taking that away from me. I’ve been undone, unraveled and forcefully emptied of every fragment and my heart has been destructively invaded by dangerous intruders and yet I still rebound quickly, forgive and refuel.

If I could wrap with tender, gentle care every hardened cold black heart in the world then I would, and I’d carefully, but with absolute conviction, pour compassion and warmth into them so they would return to the place of love they started from long ago. I would remove all their fear, pain and sorrow and all the hurts that stabbed and robbed them of their peace and joy and I wouldn’t let them go until they beat with harmonious, passionate rhythm once again.

I have felt so lost, deserted and alone and, my god, if I could prevent just one person from feeling similarly, I would gladly give parts of myself knowing they would never be returned.

I don’t love to receive love. I love because it is seriously the only thing I know that can add a little light to the shaded, forgotten corners of our world and it can be freely and with ease dropped into the places that need it the most at any time.

It doesn’t matter who or what I face, I will never hide or close my heart down, and believe me, it pains me terribly to see the brutal way people treat one another. But I know there are seeds in their souls that just haven’t yet had the opportunity to grow and bloom.

We aren’t all the same. We don’t all have the same minds, capabilities, beliefs, feelings, thoughts and all of our conditioning and individual programming has been unique. How can I judge someone’s path or deny a heart love? I’m just going to continue to love.

And those times that I feel as though there’s too many hearts, agonizing struggles and invisible scar-inducing battles and that I’m running frighteningly low on love, I just softly remind myself that I only need to open my brave invincible heart and protective mind wider and it’s so much easier to love a little harder.

 

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Author: Alex Myles

Image: Flickr/Eva Blue

Editor: Travis May