I love sex, so much so that I never want it to end.

In my younger days, I remember having said it aloud while in the throes of passionate lovemaking (and who hasn’t uttered these words at some point?)—“I wish this could go on forever!” Yet my partner and I were always well aware that we were working, sometimes in unison and sometimes selfishly, toward a very specific goal: cumming.

How ironic that the most intense, ecstatic moment of sex—certainly for men and often for women too—is also the last moment, after which one or both parties is tragically reduced to an indolent puddle, too sensitive or exhausted to continue.

I also remember the day that I took a stand. It was a sad day, in truth, as it not only marked the end of a torrid, multiyear, transcontinental and downright cosmic love affair, but also heralded the symbolic death of my patriarchal, sexual ethos.

It was the day that my lover asked me for a quickie. While many men might have leapt at the invitation, I prided myself on being a responsive bedmate and the hopeless romantic in me was thoroughly wounded. Eager to please her yet feeling like a piece of meat, I reluctantly complied. Five minutes later, having drained myself of sexual desire and with it, my vitality, I watched as my partner bounced around her bedroom, high on the one-way transfer of energy. Following that fateful afternoon, I vowed to master tantric sexuality so as to elude that icky, languid, tapped-out feeling once and for all.

A little older and not much wiser, I still utter the same sweet nothings about sex that lasts for eons, only now I walk my talk. No longer invested in getting off, my interest is solely on sustaining sex long enough so that my partner can find her bliss—ideally, several times over—which is far more rewarding than a half-minute of rapture (and ultimately leads to multiple male orgasms as well.)

While the tantric art of sexual sublimation—essentially, learning how to redirect one’s orgasm inward in service of enlightenment—doesn’t easily translate onto the page and is far more intricate than simply retaining one’s ejaculate, here are a few invaluable allies that will help you advance toward limitless lovemaking and spiritual liberation.

1. The Tantra Chair
If and when you’re ready to take sustainable sex seriously, you’ll soon realize that the real challenge is keeping your body going long enough to express the profound desire you and your lover will be sharing together. Enter The Tantra Chair—the ultimate in sexual furniture, exquisitely designed to support your grinding bodies and to enable a variety of sexual positions with greater ease than you’ll ever experience in bed, on a couch, or anywhere else for that matter.

I discovered The Tantra Chair after both my partner and I complained of knee and back pain, and this ergonomic, eco-conscious instrument of love has revolutionized our sex life. As most men pursuing tantra—regardless of their sexual orientation—will have to learn to relinquish the reigns and let their lover get on top so that they can hit their spots with precision, The Tantra Chair allows for maximum relaxation during lovemaking, which translates into more awareness on satisfying your partner as opposed to your penis. Likewise, The Chair’s soft curves cradle and support the female form and its abundance of shapes, relieving stress on the joints and opening up a world of possibilities for enhanced pleasure.

A word to the wise: beware of cheap imitations—not only do they lack craftsmanship (for example, they creak when you rock on them and will eventually fall apart), but they also reek of exploited labor, harmful chemicals and unethical business practices more generally. In this case, you absolutely get what you pay for and—if you value your sexual-spiritual relationship as well as your physical health—the investment is more than worthwhile in both the short and the long run.

2. Jade Eggs & Prostate Massagers
A lamentable consequence of our prudish culture with regard to sex is that many of us are simply out of touch with our genitals and, subsequently, have no idea how much pleasure and sexual healing we’re capable of experiencing. In my humble opinion, every single person on the planet ought to own one of these devices for their general health, let alone to enhance their sex life. Jade Eggs, which are sometimes referred to as Ben Wa balls and go by a host of other names, are designed to fit inside a woman’s vagina whereupon they help strengthen vaginal muscles, increase circulation and heighten sexual sensitivity. While many women practice kegels to aid their urinary continence, few take the next step and learn to work with an egg, an ancient tantric and Taoist practice that goes back centuries if not millennia and is guaranteed to rev up your orgasms. If you want to know more, sex guru Layla Martin offers high-quality Jade Eggs (complete with instructional videos.)

Significantly rarer is the Egg’s male counterpart, the prostate massager. While it can certainly be intimidating for anyone to shove a large object up their ass, the benefits of these devices are too many to name. In addition to helping maintain optimal prostate health, hands-free products like the Aneros Progasm can allow men to rewire their sexual sensory receptors, learn to generate mind-blowing, “dry” orgasms from the inside out (even without the device after some practice), release longstanding emotional blockages, shed physical tension, and open to expansive states of consciousness that strike at the heart of tantric practice. One tip: try to avoid vibrators and anything battery-operated, as they’ll desensitize you to the organic forms of pleasure you can achieve with your partner.

3. Coconut Oil
While Jade Eggs and prostate massagers are mostly practice tools—a man could leave his massager in during sex but it will be extremely challenging to avoid cumming—and most guys swear by olive oil for this purpose, nothing beats cold-pressed, organic, (extra) virgin coconut oil when it comes time for intercourse. A superlative lubricant, coconut oil soothes the skin like few other products, and while unrefined sesame oil is also an excellent choice, VCO smells and tastes way better!

You’ll inevitably want to rub it everywhere and it will become a staple of your lovemaking, but be careful: not only will it eat through condoms, having extra slippery erogenous zones tends to heat things up in a hurry—and slow and steady is what wins the race. There are plenty of good brands on the market, many of which can be purchased inexpensively on the web or at your local market.

4. Cacao (Raw Chocolate)
When making love for several hours at a stretch—ideally, well-lubricated and nestled in your sexy Tantra Chair—you’ll find (and probably have already noticed) that your normal pangs of hunger all but disappear. Love is a powerful stimulant and while your appetite may be suppressed, you’ll need to refuel now and again in order to keep going.

As the last thing you want to do is fill your belly, which will reallocate all the energy you’re working toward digestion, try to eat light—think quick sugars and sattvic (i.e., pure) foods like cherries, strawberries, nuts and dates. My go-to snack is “homemade,” raw chocolate, which is as simple as pouring some cacao powder into a bowl and adding coconut oil and agave nectar (or maple syrup, if you prefer). Significantly stronger than your average chocolate bar, this traditional Mayan superfood is a vasodilator—it increases blood flow to the heart—so it will amp up your amorous feelings and keep you sexually aroused while pleasing your palate and your partner.

Dr. Cacao’s Medicine of the Heart sources ceremonial grade cacao direct from Guatemala that is among the best I’ve ever tasted, and for made-to-order treats try Silvermoon Chocolate based out of Asheville, North Carolina. Warning: cacao does not mix well with anti-depressants/MAO inhibitors, and should be avoided if you have a heart condition, high blood pressure, or are pregnant.

5. Kombucha
Last but not least, sustainable sex requires adequate hydration. While you may be pouring sweat, drinking too much water will irritate your bladder and force you to interrupt your pursuit of enlightenment. Likewise, getting drunk before sex is so last week! The occasional sip of wine, etc. notwithstanding, tantra demands that you stay at the top of your game and booze will inevitably mute your senses.

The un-official drink of yoga studios across the globe, kombucha offers a nice go-between. Best served chilled, a few sips of this tangy, effervescent delight will make your hair stand on end, jolt life back into your loins and quench your thirst long enough to slide back into your happy place with batteries recharged. My personal favorite is Buchi, another Asheville, North Carolina, grassroots company with outstanding integrity and designer drinks that will take your breath away.

 

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Author: Nick Atlas

Image: Barte Callebert / Flickr

Editor: Sara Kärpänen