March 5, 2011

I Am Winning

Like many of you, I am sure, I have been incredibly entertained by the volunteered expose of and by Charlie Sheen in his recent news interviews. I am impressed and fascinated as well. If I had to describe him in one word, I would chose over-stimulated. During his smoke filled interviews, he anxiously puffs at a cigarette, his foot shakes like a metronome set to an allegro tempo, he admits to not sleeping, he shares his obsession with porn, sex and his “goddesses”, and that “only he knows best”.

A hyper state of consciousness can be difficult and intense to manage within our denser, human forms, especially when this higher frequency is confronted by heavy, unprocessed human fears and ignorance. If and when this happens, and the human self cannot dissolve these obstacles, one often deviates into an affected egoic state of defensive self-protection, denial and control. A healthy ego is an awakened state of supreme consciousness, or the “I Am” state of being, and it is a highly desirous attainment inherent in all of us.

One of my favorite quotes from the movie, Confessions of a Dangerous Mind, is “The insane asylums are filled with people who think they’re Jesus or Satan”. There are similar behaviors and beliefs/delusions amongst those who have loosened their grip on what our societies maintain as “reality”. Who is more “crazy”; those who see, or those who do not?

Whether Charlie is seeking to reach Nirvana or not, his stimulating actions and substances have led him down that higher path. But, since he is not independently expanding his awareness (without substance), he does not seem consciously able to face his personal, human realities and imperfections. This may be creating his frenzy, elitist separation and addiction.

I do commend his forthrightness and unrestrained expression, as well as his razor sharp wit and tongue, but I do not admire his possible tyrannical tendencies or his dangerous attachment to needing to be in charge and in control. These traits can lead to destruction – whether self, other or both.


As I mentioned, all of his behaviors are stimulating. We live in an existence that works off of opposing opposites – hot/cold, male/female, and positive/negative. By only forcing the stimulating aspects, he is denying the feminine aspect of existence, and he is spinning out of control, fueling and exasperating his addictive patterns for more passion, drive and highs.

Charlie’s obvious need to be righted (even joining Twitter to bypass the media) is incredibly insightful in that he may be fighting a deeper fear of shame and guilt, and he wants to convince us all otherwise. He even seems removed from the reality of his behaviors, thinking that he’ll get his job back after everyone understands his side of things.

Before I go any further – touching upon the mind-expanding result of stimulated awareness, as well as the destructive residue that is left when one uses a substance to obtain it – I need to address “the goddesses”. The word Goddess defines a woman who is Self-empowered, Self-knowing and independent. The women that I saw interviewed at Charlie’s house (who he refers to as his “goddesses”) seemed to embody the opposite characteristics, in my opinion, but i can understand how Charlie’s paradigm would want to define them as such.

They appeared co-dependent and parasitic, in my opinion, feeding off of Charlie’s sex addiction by offering him sex in exchange for a bit of fame and a place to live. Charlie seems to justify this co-dependence by praising them for being “non-judgmental”. In other words (using my script), “these women won’t tell me that I am in a destructive pattern because if I changed, they could not benefit. Since I don’t want to change, I will applaud their enabling behavior as superior to those who are truly looking out for my well-being.”

If you look at one of our most dangerous villains in history, Hitler had a personal physician injecting him daily with a kind of Viagra of his time – large doses of testosterone and hormones taken from the prostate and sperm of young bulls. He was also injected with high doses of stimulants and narcotics, including methamphetamine.

Hitler, too, spoke of insomnia. Extreme sleep deprivation has been associated with psychotic behavior, including paranoia, delusion and schizophrenia. When one is forcing their bodies to stay awake with stimulant drugs, they are denying the natural rhythms our bodies need to maintain homeostasis. Hitler, too, held a delusional belief that he was superior to others, and spoke of the supreme Arian race (do they have Adonis DNA?).

What is it that Charlie does not want to face? Is he so afraid of losing his “highs” – money, status, women that he’ll do whatever it takes not to close his eyes, for fear it will be gone when he opens them? Well, our fears are often prayers for what we don’t want to happen. His fears of losing his fabulous life are eroding the weak foundation on which his illusion is set. But maybe that illusion needed to die. Maybe he is really tapping into some deeper Self-realizations. The question will be: can he maintain this higher level of awareness without a substance or person?

I am not judging Charlie Sheen’s behaviors. I am, however, a bit fearful of what actions he will take from the distorted states of reality that he is currently clinging to. I am fearful of the abusive behaviors that have been reported. As I was quoted in Access Hollywood this week, “When we look at the times in our lives when we become emotionally stressed, it is usually a result of our attachment to an outcome or thing. Our attachments to our cars, work, image, etc. can often take such a hold on us that we feel the stress and pressure physically. My advice is to appreciate these “extras” in life, enjoying them in each moment, but knowing that they are impermanent, and will no longer exist someday.”

I would love to see Charlie get help channeling his higher states of consciousness in a realistic and healthy arena. When you haven’t built the musculature to hold a 400 lb dumbbell, you will crash down with it when someone places it in your hands. Drugs, or even the high from a co-dependent relationship, will eventually bring one down. This fear of dropping fuels the addiction to stay on top.

I have spent many years practicing yoga, meditation, physical cleansing and similar practices to achieve higher states of awareness. I have had incredible experiences of Self-realization and have understood my divine archetype qualities. My body lifted off the ground during a meditation. I could feel other people’s thoughts and energies. And all of it scared and challenged the part of me that was conditioned to fit into our limited societies. I was mirrored with disbelief. I hope that Charlie can find a healthy arena to explore these higher levels of consciousness and creativity that he has currently tapped into.

Where my experiences differ from those of Charlie Sheen’s is that I did not separate myself as “better”. I am grateful to have tapped into such higher states of Self, but I recognize that everyone around me has that same power and potential. I choose to help others reach those states and use the powers they discover in positive, healthy ways. At this point, I don’t feel a need to be an Uber Cougar, with a house of young lads at my service, vying for a chance to impregnate my Amazon eggs (yet).

The best format that I have found to practice and awaken these higher states of consciousness and awareness, while maintaining a clear connection with reality, is Vipassana Meditation, an ancient Buddhist technique. The Buddhist path leads down the middle road – no extremes – it is a balanced state of being.

The first thing you will learn in Vipassana meditation is Anapana breathing. The text from the Maha-satipatthana Sutta (the Great Discourse on the Foundations of Mindfulness) describes Anapana as such:

“Herein, monks, a monk who has gone to the forest, or to the foot of a tree, or to an empty place, sits down cross legged, holding his back erect, arousing mindfulness in front of him.”

Try this at home. Sit in a comfortable cross-legged position, with your back straight. Simply listen. Simply receive each moment. Generate no force, no will, no action, no need to be right. Be independent from stimulants of any kind – physical or mental. Simply be.

Sit in this silent state of being for thirty minutes or longer. I Am Balanced. This is the real win.

I truly wish Charlie Sheen continued Self realizations, health and balance. He is a highly creative man, with a lot of positivity to offer our world. He has two young sons who will look up to him for guidance in their life’s journey. Let’s hope he finds the right gear to slow down the out of control vehicle he is currently driving.

“Gnarly you are not” – Charlie Sheen

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