I Thought Samadhi was Found Somewhere Between the Sheets & Pincha Mayurasana.

Via Jessica Durivage
on Apr 17, 2011
get elephant's newsletter

In the many lives I have lived in this body, or shall I say – the many relationships I have had with the opposite sex, the comment – “You yoga people are crazy!” has been something I have heard more than once.

I would typically hear it right about the time when I was about to lose it, found a little vrtti and was completely attached to it, you know…like a normal human being.  For some reason, society and the yoga community itself has propped up the word “YOGI” on a pedestal to mean that we should be living on some paranormal level, high and mighty, looking down with compassion and kindness at all of the suffering in the world.

Well, I have a confession to make.

For me, yoga took the place of xanax and anti-depressants. And, to this very day, my practice remains my medicine.

And, even when I do take my “medicine” on a daily basis, life happens and the very last thing I want someone to do when I am being a 100% human being, is accuse me of being a “crazy yogi.”  My ego is beautifully strong and my practice helps me to become aware of it.  My ego also suggests that I best get to class because my thighs are not are sculpted as they were two months ago when I was on the mat five times per week.  I know my place.  It is in the world.

I have another confession to make.  In the beginning of these failed love affairs I would flaunt my flexibility around like Shakti looking to manifest the creation of a new universe – bat my legs behind my head and wear my cutest and tightest fitting yoga pants around my beautifully sculpted ass – thinking Samadhi was found somewhere between the sheets and pincha mayurasana.

As time went on, I would evolve back towards my true nature, away from this “love seeking”, an art I almostmastered….  And I would slowly and painfully realize that this yoga thing, you know UNION, well -the books and teachers were right… It really DOES MEAN union within your Self.  ahhhhhh HA!  Now time to pry my heart off of someone else’s (enter LOTS and LOTS of meaningful yoga practices and lots and lots of therapy.)

What does this have to do with anything?  Well, I could be standing on my own little island here, there is a chance that I just outed myself for life with any cool yoga clubs like Elephant Journal or Yoga Dork—but if listening to my True Self whisper in the slightest, over my 33 years in this body on the planet—I am going to go out on a limb and say that there is a possibility that from time to time we have all gotten caught up in our own self-serving definition of this word – Yoga.  That we have misrepresented it in some way – maybe even knowingly, to try and escape some deeper emptiness or suffering inside ourselves.

Have I just admitted I am crazy? Or, have I just confessed that I am 100% human in the flesh.

"Do not call me your Guru. Do not call me a Yogi."

Maybe Krishamacharya was right.  He never wanted to be called a Guru.  He never wanted to be called a yogi for that matter.  He did not believe that we need to use the crutch of any name or title to know the Self, be healthy and be balanced in this life.  Well, of course he is right -but as a culture of people in human bodies striving to lead a spiritual existance – we chose a different way.  We chose to look upon teachers as answers and Yoga clothes as The Middle Way.  We asked for it.  We asked for those outside our ommmm’ing circles to question our decision to wear a mala and chant for inner peace when greed, jealousy, gluttony and the five other deadly sins show up in relationships, work, etc. and then become utterly sick of us (remember.. “You Yoga People are CRAZY!”) when we declare ourselves Divine and just trying to “work” on our attachments and issues.

I cannot sum up this post in one beautiful sentence that makes me feel better about the above information that now reads back to me as TMI.  I can’t be anything other than myself and be honest with myself as I have traveled down my own path.  The times I have fallen or been broken, they have hurt… a lot.  I have all of the books folks and for the most part – I do see the bigger picture and then live in the small details, working towards living a mindful, conscious life with a daily dose of practice in whatever form shows up.  And… Yogi, Guru, Teacher… or NOT, I think most of us on the planet are doing the same thing.

Call me crazy…. just sayin.’


About Jessica Durivage

Whether in a business suit, on a yoga mat or a meditation cushion, Jessica will follow her Dharma to the ends of the earth and work to bridge the gap with the world and the light that dwells within each being.  Grateful for the wealth of experiences, teachers and mentors who have guided her along her path as a yogi, a business woman, a non-profiteer and an improv comedian; she cultivates mindful, savvy and innovative approaches to make the world a better place each day and lead with compassion, from the heart (and trying not to take herself too seriously). / Jessica is the founder and owner of Where is My Guru - an ever evolving work of life that encompasses writing, art, community, leadership, consulting and a weekly radio show where you can find her contemplating Purusha, Prakriti, the Yoga Sutras and why all Yogis are crazy mo fo's. Check in with the Where is My Guru Blog and the radio show on Fridays at 11am EST - www.whereismygurunow.com


19 Responses to “I Thought Samadhi was Found Somewhere Between the Sheets & Pincha Mayurasana.”

  1. Yogini5 says:

    That lady in the picture was born with that backside.

  2. Jessica says:

    HAHA! I love it. I would have to agree. But, I am sure she is not frying up chicken on the oven, there. A highly enlightened backside if I do say so myself.

  3. Eric says:

    Thanks for the honest article. It helps me see some of my own areas that need work. It is a weird thing how we get all caught up in how a person looks. If they look like the image that we accept as sexy or if they look like a yogini or a businessman or a priest, etc. I am guilty of this. What if we look at everyone today as an incarnate image of divine perfection herself? I find this an especially good practice to employ when meeting those who do not appear to have external beauty.

  4. Right on, Sister!

  5. Karen says:

    Oops, posted twice because I didnt know if my first post came through..sorry Jessica!

  6. Jacob says:

    What an ass!

  7. Just posted to "Featured Today" on the Elephant Yoga homepage.

  8. Angel says:

    Girl, you can bring your prakriti to my purusha anytime. Or vice versa. So happy to see you keeping it real on Elephant Journal. Can't wait to see your face in real life next month!

  9. thatmelchick says:

    i am a western woman who has a menstrual cycle. i will be crazy at LEAST once a month from age 10 to age 50. (yes, i started early. lucky me.) my weird culture has told me to suppress my natural rhythm… so that i can function in the workplace without choking someone. why do women flock to yoga? maybe it's a simple, drug-free replacement for prozac? works for me. thanks to the author for being human.

    cheers & namastes.

  10. Jessica says:

    Thank you, Bob! Yesterday was so much fun! Sending gratitude and light to you…

  11. Jessica says:

    Can't wait to see you woman! MWAH!

  12. Jessica says:

    Totally agree with you Yogini! And, what a path it is for all of us to come to that "self" realization as to what is actually the best for us – and then in the end, we realize that it is all the same….

  13. Jessica says:

    I love it! Human, Woman (pre-menopausal or post?? lol), Yogi. All of these wrapped up in a nice little physical body. Thanks for the amazing reply!

  14. Just posted to "Popular Lately" on the Elephant Yoga homepage.

  15. John says:

    it is very human I think to look for & find a raft to float away on from the pain of life & that is after all, what you are describing, isn’t it? and don’t we all do that? whether that raft is alcohol, pleasure, religion or physical discipline – what matters most is the motivation behind the activity – running away or to something for what reason? yoga is certainly better than xanax & if it has led you to somehow find some greater self awareness – beautiful … it’s all part of the journey … welcome to the human race … love your honesty & the article … thanks… j

  16. […] I Thought Samadhi was Found Somewhere Between the Sheets and Pincha Mayurasana […]

  17. Yoga? Not even! says:

    "For some reason, society and the yoga community itself has propped up the word “YOGI” on a pedestal to mean that we should be living on some paranormal level, high and mighty, looking down with compassion and kindness at all of the suffering in the world."

    Then they are erroneously conflating complete yogis with people who simply practice asana, just 1 of the 8 limbs of yoga, (and the simplest at that), which is generally all that people in the Western world practice when they say "I do yoga".

    The appropriate term would be "asanis" I guess. Or going by the above photo "ass-anis".


  18. […] so much. The past five years have been my most faithful, but I still wrestle with certain asanas (I’m looking at you, Pincha Mayurasana). If I go too long without being in a class, my alignment in home practice sometimes gets sloppy. via […]

  19. […] many of those naughty little moments I encounter when I am thinking “God damn it! I nailed that pincha mayurasana”, there is always Garbha Pindasana to remind me how I am really just stretching and playing on my […]