The 3 steps to profound healing (of your broken heart, bones, spirit).

Via Ben Ralston
on Sep 28, 2011
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“He who saves one man saves mankind”

I bleed.

My heart bleeds out into the lonely night, and only the yearning for daylight; only the memory of a better day gives me hope…

I’m a healer. I work as a therapist, I counsel people, and I heal their wounds (mostly emotional, but also physical). I didn’t ever desire to do this. I tried to do many things, but never this…

When it came on me though, I knew it was my calling. I’m passionate about it.

Healing is the simplest, most natural thing in the world. There are just 3 simple steps that you have to take to heal almost anything.

Of course, not everything can be healed; but most things that are thought incurable can be.

And these are the 3 steps:

1.   Take responsibility for it.

Whatever the problem, it’s your problem. Own it. It’s yours. Not anyone else’s.

Even though you may have thought in the past that it was someone else’s fault.

Even if you wanted it to be someone else’s problem.

It isn’t. It wasn’t.

It’s yours, and yours alone.

Own it.

Face it.

Imagine that this problem is (literally) in your hands. Hold it up before your eyes and look into it deeply. This belongs to you alone. You alone can let it go.

But first, you must own it.

When you have taken responsibility you no longer blame others; and you no longer run away from the problem.

You know that you are responsible for your own change.

Quite often people call me and ask if I can help their partner / parent / friend. I have learnt to say ‘no’ in those situations. If that person had taken responsibility, they would be calling me themselves. If they haven’t taken responsibility, I can’t help them. Neither can you.

You cannot make people change.

2.   Find the cause of the problem.

This is not so hard as it may seem, but it’s not as easy as step 3. It’s not as hard as step 1 though.

Most people don’t make it past step 1. You should know that. If someone comes to me having taken step 1 (having taken responsibility for their problem) then I can almost always help them. And when they do come, I have the utmost respect – because I know what it takes to come to that point. It takes humility, and dignity, and courage. It takes being real. Most people don’t have that courage, and that’s why the world is in the state it is in…but more of that in a moment.

To find the cause of the problem, there is a very simple formula. Trace the problem (to use the analogy of a tree) to its roots. The topmost branches of the problem are in the head. The outermost symptoms are in the head (thoughts, beliefs, idea). The trunk of the problem is the heart (emotions). The roots are in the gut (deeper feelings of trauma, stress, fear, etc)… and the cause is a reaction to those deep feelings of trauma. The reaction is a survival instinct.

Ask the question “how does this problem make me feel?” And then keep on asking that question until you come to the deepest feeling. Then ask yourself: “When I feel that deepest feeling, what do I want to do?”

The answer will be a survival instinct – almost all of our problems are rooted in our survival instincts.

There are exceptions to this rule – secondary gain is the most common one.

But if you clear the secondary gain (the process is almost identical to the one outlined above) then very often the problem falls away immediately.

3: Heal the cause.

This is so easy as to be almost ridiculous.

Yes, that’s right. Healing is easy.

Taking responsibility is hard. Finding the cause is a little tricky, but when you know how, it’s pretty easy too. But healing the root cause of almost all our problems (gut-based survival instincts) is a doddle.

The cause of the problem is a subconscious blockage. To be specific, the blockage is a subconscious association between safety / survival and an instinct (either fight, flight, or freeze).

So if the nature of the problem is that it is subconscious, we heal it by simply making it conscious.

You see, our essence is pure consciousness. Light.

The blockage is like a shadow.

In the same way that you can remove a shadow by simply throwing light on it, you heal the subconscious blockage by bringing the light of your awareness to it.

This is mindfulness in action, and the power of it cannot be overstated.

When I heal a client’s blockage, I bring us both into a state of presence (here and now), and we acknowledge the blockage.

Our combined awareness (the light) bearing down on the blockage (shadow) makes it simply disappear.

The blockage is like an uninvited guest. When he is discovered, he leaves promptly. He is in fact waiting to be discovered, and wants to leave. He has a guilty conscience. He doesn’t belong there.

What belongs there is pure consciousness. When the blockage is removed, pure consciousness flows through the space again naturally, spontaneously and joyfully.

***

This is the most important thing in the world! There is no issue more urgent. Nothing is more worthy of your attention, time, and energy.

The world is in the state it’s in because mankind is motivated unconsciously by survival instincts. In one word: fear.

We behave the way we do as a species (war, abuse, greed, hypocrisy, corruption) not because we are innately bad. On the contrary, we are innately good – our essence is goodness, or God-ness (“made in the image of God”).

However, our innate goodness has been tainted by the very thing that makes us so intelligent. Our higher thinking. Somewhere along the line human beings forgot how to quickly and easily release trauma (wild animals do it naturally). We instead learnt to hold on to our trauma. And those instincts that helped us to survive the trauma stayed locked in place – permanently switched on.

So our lives became ruled by subconscious tendencies towards fighting (conquer, destroy, kill, argue, conflict, win, etc); flight (hide, run away, escape, remain passive, etc); and freezing (numbness, paralysis, stiffness, lock-down, tightening up, etc).

This is why you may be a highly evolved, spiritual person, but have health, emotional, or psychological problems. Because there is something in your subconscious that trips you up and interferes with your essential nature from expressing itself naturally.

It all comes down to survival instincts.

When enough of us heal these blockages, I am sure there will be peace on earth, because peacefulness is the natural inclination of life. War is an aberration, like murder.

Death, killing, sickness – these are not aberrations – they are natural and necessary aspects of life. But war, murder, corruption and abuse are the consequence of un-released and un-healed traumas.

We have the tools to forge a new society, a new earth, a new humanity.

Healing ourselves is the ultimate environmental activism.

It is a political act.

It is an expression of Ahimsa (non-violence) and Satya (truthfulness) and compassion.

Let us heal ourselves and each other.

Let us heal the global heart that is bleeding and crying out for us to stop abusing ourselves.

Please share this widely. You can use the social media buttons on this page; or email the link to people you know. And leave a comment.


Relephant: 

Open Up to Healing.

The 4 Universal Healing Salves.

 

~

More Healing:


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About Ben Ralston

Ben Ralston has been practising personal development—necessity being the Mother of invention—since he was about six years old. He’s been teaching and sharing what he’s learnt along the way for a couple of decades. His main thing is Heart of Tribe retreats—whose very purpose is to help you fall back in love with life, no less. Leading these retreats alongside his woman Kara-Leah Grant—also an elephant journal writer (that’s how they met!)—they combine a deep well of lineage-based yoga teaching experience, with expertise in healing trauma and various other methods of personal development. Ben also works with clients one-on-one via Skype, writes, makes videos from time to time, and is passionate about parenting. He lives in an intentional, tribal community in the hills of Croatia, where you might find him gardening barefoot and talking to the rocks. Connect with Ben on Facebook or YouTube or check out his website for more info.

Comments

143 Responses to “The 3 steps to profound healing (of your broken heart, bones, spirit).”

  1. Deborah says:

    Ben-Ralston you have a genius truth here that can heal

  2. Ben_Ralston says:

    Deborah, it is a genius truth, and it does heal elegantly and efficiently. Thank you, and please spread the word.

  3. April says:

    My reaction, simply put…Wow. That really touches deep down, and I plan to spread it like wild fire. I only hope others take it to heart as I have. Thank you for this article.

  4. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thank you so much for being open to being touched April, I'm so glad you get it 🙂

  5. Samantha says:

    Killing and sickness are aberrations of the physical body or the “trunk of the tree” some ppl internalize problems or continue to function with a misaligned mind-body-spirit. Cells, biologically are not meant to age but do as a result of external factors such as stress due to this misalignment. I’m speaking for ppl who die young. Apoptosis rather than killing is a more natural way for a cell to elect to die, just as skin cells exfoliate. Knowing that our body constitution is always changing as Deepak Chopra says, last year 98% of body cells were replaced. So we constantly evolve if living in alignment with our authentic selves or ‘devolve’. When our whole body goes (as in exfoliate – exfolia) we fear it bc we’ve been thru it before – how else would we know to fear death if we never experienced it. So, indeed so-called death is as you say not an abberration but once that klesha is transcended, we realize there is no death (non-duality). We are purushas (Souls) eternally existent and through mind-body-alignment with the Universe or G-d, Alllah, Buddha, Krishna, Yahweh we escape the Samsaric existence of this world (or return or become an enlightened being)

    I love your article, and the tree analogy is genius.TY, Namaste

  6. rob says:

    Thanks dude! Good stuff!

  7. chiara_ghiron says:

    great stuff as usual Ben although I have a doubt on step 2. I find that finding the true cause of a problem is often easier said than done. Our mind tricks us into thinking we have identified the cause, and we are successful in finding consequence-causes (meaning secondary, derived causes) while often the true cause keeps eluding us. As an example, I may find that somebody really upsets me and think this is the cause, while in fact that person just embodies something bigger that I do not lik, a certain situation, or a particular environment. So I keep trying to solve the smaller cause (finding better ways to deal with that person) while the bigger one is still untackled. This still helps, but ultimately is only a temporary cure. That's why I guess often an external help is useful, to drill down into us with a new mind, I guess?

    Love
    chiara

  8. Ben_Ralston says:

    You bring up something interesting: is it possible + if so, how easy is it, to work on ourselves.
    Personally, I say that it's possible, but more difficult. Since our blockages are subconscious, how to find them?!
    It is possible, and the more you practice, the easier it gets, but still sometimes to work on my own 'stuff' I need outside help. We RPT teachers and graduates do 'swaps' with each other regularly, and it's very, very helpful.

    About what you say regarding causes: it's easy when you know how. The cause is never the situation, or the thoughts, emotions, beliefs, ideas, etc. The cause is a subconscious association between a survival instinct (fight, flight, or freeze) and safety. So what happens is that the person makes you angry because deep down in you something is being 'triggered', and it feels safer for you to react in that way. It's very hard to explain in writing. You need to come to Slovenia or Croatia and do the course with me 🙂
    The method makes it simple actually…

  9. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thank you Samantha. I like the tree analogy too 🙂
    Love

  10. fivefootwo says:

    "Healing is a political act." one of the most lucid things I've ever read. Thanks.

  11. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thank you 552. I'm honoured.

  12. chiara_ghiron says:

    ah Ben! I would come in a rush as the more I read about what you are doing the more it feels it could be the next step for me in my own healing/healer path. But since I have just said no to a well-off life as a manager to dive head-on into a life as Yoga teacher, you'll have to wait until I feel a bit less guilty about having my husband Russ paying the mortgage… and can at least start contributing to the household with paying the house bills! 😉 then, we'll see!

  13. Wonderful as always, Ben! "Healing ourselves is the ultimate environmental activism." That my friend, is a bold truth you have there. I needed this. Thanks.

  14. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thanks Kate! Your comments and support always make me feel good 🙂
    You must have a very healing presence?

  15. Ben_Ralston says:

    Wonderful!
    I'm taking that as a promise 🙂

  16. Claudia says:

    So well said Ben! "Healing ourselves is the ultimate environmental activism." Yes, the world needs more people that work on their own inner peace. Thank you for sharing, and being a guiding light.

  17. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thank you Claudia, and please share 😉

  18. Fleur says:

    I love the essence of your article here Ben. I am curious though… Are you a healer or a teacher? I believe if you are working with people that have the courage to heal and are ready to take responsibility for themselves then you are a teacher showing the way across the bridge. To me a healer is not always empowering the person but making them feel good and needing a feel good reward of a result as part of the process, perhaps doing some kind of behind the scenes magic to enable healing to appear to take place. In you I feel a true teacher…. To me a teacher leads by example, shows the way but allows the person to then be fully responsible for their own healing… through initiation and empowerment true and lasting healing takes place… I have been exploring these ideas as I personally step into my role as a 'teacher'! Blessings and love…

  19. Ben_Ralston says:

    Hi Fleur,
    Thank you for a very interesting comment.
    I'm both.
    I heal people (in the sense of solving a problem – I don't do 'making feel good' or 'rewards'! I do solve problems permanently though, which to me is what 'heal' means.)
    I also teach people how to heal themselves, and most fulfilling for me – how to rise above the need for healing: how to be truly free.
    And I would love to hear a little more about your journey please?
    Love 🙂

  20. Sam says:

    Killing and sickness are aberrations of the physical body or the “trunk of the tree” some ppl internalize problems or continue to function with a misaligned mind-body-spirit. Cells, biologically are not meant to age but do as a result of external factors such as stress due to this misalignment. I’m speaking for ppl who die young. Apoptosis rather than killing is a more natural way for a cell to elect to die, just as skin cells exfoliate. Knowing that our body constitution is always changing as Deepak Chopra says, last year 98% of body cells were replaced. So we constantly evolve if living in alignment with our authentic selves or ‘devolve’. When our whole body goes (as in exfoliate – exfolia) we fear it bc we’ve been thru it before – how else would we know to fear death if we never experienced it. So, indeed so-called death is as you say not an abberration but once that klesha is transcended, we realize there is no death (non-duality). We are purushas (Souls) eternally existent and through mind-body-alignment with the Universe or G-d, Alllah, Buddha, Krishna, Yahweh we escape the Samsaric existence of this world (or return or become an enlightened being)

    Thank you for posting your insight and my observations. Freedom of speech

    USAF vet.

  21. Chris Lemig says:

    Ben, this was absolutely amazing. You laid out the process of healing (and the need for it) simply and beautifully. Thank you for being so direct and thank you for sharing this important message.

  22. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thank you Temple, that means a lot to me.

  23. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thanks Heather, for sharing, and I'm glad you get it.
    It's true – trauma is the cause of 90% of these blockages, although I didn't want to go into that in the article. Our own trauma, and more importantly, ancestral trauma, which lingers in our bodies cellular memory.
    The revolution is coming… I feel it.
    Love

  24. Aurora says:

    Thank you, Ben:)

  25. Nadine says:

    Ben, I love you. I know you know that this piece resonates HUGELY for me based on past comments you’ve made on my articles. This is music to my healing heart. When you read my posting for this week, you’ll gain even more insight. Awesome, incredible, necessary, timely. Namaste, Nadine

  26. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thank you Nadine! It would be 'praise indeed', but coming from you, even more so. I'm truly honored!
    ps – let me know when the new post is out!

  27. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thank you Aurora 🙂

  28. Ben_Ralston says:

    Thank you also for reading and sharing.
    Love

  29. Ben_Ralston says:

    I believe we don't fear death Sam. You don't fear it, but only your ego fears it. The ego is made only out of what it knows. It doesn't know death, therefore it fears it.
    When we truly connect to the present moment, and to the totality of our being (as opposed to the very limited ego aspect), and from that perspective think on death – it's nothing to be afraid. Because deep down we know that the only thing that 'dies' is the body. We don't die – we just experience a big change.

  30. windycitymindy says:

    Thank you Ben, a friend of mine shared this article and Blog with me.

    Like Mark's friend I am also suffering from a recent traumatic loss. This article has really helped me, even though reading your words made me connect with what I'm working with and cry; I plan to re-read it often. Any insights would be helpful.

  31. Ben_Ralston says:

    First, let me just say that I have no real experience, nor am I qualified, as a grief counsellor.

    This is a very difficult one, because the issue of 'responsibility' suddenly becomes much more complex.
    Your friend is not responsible for her husbands actions, even though it's inevitable that she will feel so.

    She is however responsible for her own grieving, and the pain of that grief is hers alone. In my experience a certain time is needed to process the loss. And it's difficult to say how long, because it depends on many things. However, I think that sometimes people grieve too long and too hard…

    There can be a secondary gain to grief – the loneliness is eased by the sympathy, attention and so on that the bereaved gets from friends, family etc.

    I don't really know what advice to give you except that it's a tough one.
    One thing I would probably do is talk to her about death and what happens. But I can't really advise you how to do that – because I don't know. I would explain about my experience with death and loss and grief, and offer some perspective (as you say).

    I have found that the most comforting thing one can say to someone in that position is that in death, only the body dies – so the one who has died has in many ways become free. But that's also difficult, because some people don't want to hear it, so it comes back to the individual and the particular circumstances.

    At the end of the day, there is very little you can do for someone in your friends position. Ask her how she feels, and guide her through the deeper feelings, that will help.

    As I say – I'm not a grief counsellor. I wish I could help more.

  32. fraggle303 says:

    Nicely written… I just disagree with this part: "Death, killing, sickness – these are not aberrations – they are natural and necessary aspects of life." I would say that the simplest form of peacefulness, which anyone can adopt to heal themselves, is to go vegan. The vegan lifestyle is the counter-argument to the belief that killing & sickness are natural or necessary. Death, OK that part is right.

  33. Ben_Ralston says:

    You may be Vegan my friend, but your distant cousins the eskimos need to kill fish to survive. And your not so distant cousins the cats will not stop killing mice. So no, veganism is not a counter argument to what I wrote about killing.
    Sickness also goes on, throughout the animal kingdom, even if sometimes it's just a gateway to it's brother, death. So no, sickness is also not an aberration.

    I too was vegan. I too thought at one time that it was the solution to all our problems. It's not. It's just a way of eating, and it's also a bit of a distraction from the real work – healing yourself.

  34. Ben_Ralston says:

    Mindy, if you would like to email me I would be happy to try to offer some insight into your situation, or to help somehow, if I can. (premjogacenter at gmail dot com)

  35. Carl Olsen says:

    Very nice! Sometimes healing takes a long time, but I can see progress from day to day. I own it. It's my problem and I can solve it. I am he that sent I, as Lee Scratch Perry says.

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  37. Ben_Ralston says:

    Hi Fraggle,
    Thank you for your comments. I'm sorry that you felt I overreacted – I didn't, I just wanted to point out that killing (violence) and sickness are actually natural, ubiquitous parts of life as a whole (as opposed to only human life).

    I take your point. However, my long experience researching and experimenting with diet has told me that veganism is not the answer to any global problems (even human only problems). I do agree that it is a noble, dignified choice. I also agree that for many people it's a very good personal choice that will benefit their health, whilst at the same time benefitting billions of our cousin animals worldwide, and also benefitting the environment. I wrote an article about it called "The 3 reasons to give up meat (and 1 not to)" Google it and you'll find it.

  38. Hans says:

    Thank you a lot for this article!! This is so helpful to face so many problems in this world. And it is a political act! Great!

  39. Ben_Ralston says:

    Yes, thanks Hans. Do it…

  40. Andréa Balt says:

    WOW Ben! Totally adding this to the Counselor's Bible as an essential part of the New Testament. It's one of your best articles. Quoting you all over the place.

    Point 2 made me think of a quote by Blaise Pascal: "The heart has its reasons which reason knows not of"

  41. Ben_Ralston says:

    Great quote. Love it.
    Thank you.

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  43. missbernklau says:

    The Revolution is definitely coming, I can feel it in my chest! 🙂

    I never really thought about the ancestral trauma and how that would live on in our DNA…it makes sense, we're all energy and energy can neither be created or destroyed.

    Much love!

  44. Ben_Ralston says:

    Yes. it's one of the reasons why trying to Heal past lives is a total waste of time.
    I am going to have to write an article about that…

  45. Teri Dillion says:

    I can appreciate the gesture to simplify what ails us, and what heals us. I think there can be value in taking responsibility, and looking for the root cause. In the process, though, it can be easy to miss that perhaps we need to learn more from the ailments themselves, and the slow, sometimes laborious process of healing. I've found in myself and in my clients that certain insights can come only when a certain amount of psychological or physical pain is reached and/or sustained… that it takes this amount of pain or frustration to break through to a healing reaction. Rather than valuing only insight, clarity, understanding… sometimes there is benefit to allowing for lostness.

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