The great question that has never been answered and which I have not yet been able to answer, …is ‘What does a woman want?’ – Sigmund Freud
For starters, how about being loved for who they are, accepted for who they are not, and mind-bending, body wrenching, soul-searching sex?
And shoes. Fabulous shoes.
It can’t be that simple, can it?
Of course not. The complexities of male-female relationships are, and will remain, one of the great unsolved mysteries of the universe, in no small part because we have great difficulty differentiating between needs, and wants. In World Peace part 1, we established that great sex isn’t just a want; it’s a need. Relationships need great sex like fire needs oxygen.Great sex reinforces love.
Let’s face it: if you knew that at the end of every day you were coming home to some good loving, the majority of life’s minor annoyances, would simply cease to be.
Part of the problem with great sex is, in the words of the immortal Rob Base (yes, I’m dating myself),
“it takes two to make it outta sight.” Frankly, many men just aren’t living up to their end of the arrangement. Lousy lovers abound; men who are sexually selfish, unwilling or unable to bring their partners to ecstasy.
Guys, you’re screwing with our chance at world peace.
If that isn’t reason enough to become an amazing lover, go reread the Five for Five rule. Simply stated, it redefines the law of reciprocity as it relates to women: anything you give a woman, she will return to you, five-fold. Given that equation, if you give a woman five orgasms, you can only imagine how she is going to return the favor.
With the amount of information available, there’s just no excuse for premature ejaculation, low sex drive or lack of sexual proficiency. If anyone is interested in things like how to have harder, stronger erections, how to increase your stamina, how to postpone orgasm indefinitely, how to differentiate between orgasm and ejaculation, how to become multi-orgasmic, feel free to listen here. For the sake of our argument I’m not going to focus on technique, because paying attention to your partner (Jack’s oft repeated Rule #7) by far outweighs mastering some acrobatic position you saw in the Kama Sutra.
Technique can be learned by anyone; you can’t teach enthusiasm, or passion.
With that established, let’s talk about three things every man can do to improve his performance in the bedroom.
Make her feel safe.
Those four words sum up all the white noise I’ve heard said about what it takes to be an “alpha male.” Ten thousand years ago, the alpha was the guy who could fend off predators, provide shelter, and sustenance. That guy got to drag cavewomen by the hair back to his grotto, and propagate the species. Today it’s a bit more complex; modern women might not need you to furnish life’s necessities. On a primal, elemental level, she still needs to feel physically and emotionally safe in order to become aroused. If a woman has difficulty trusting her partner, she may not feel comfortable enough to surrender to the utter loss of control that is orgasm. It’s only in the depths of security that a woman can truly be vulnerable, and the dangers of passion can be explored and enjoyed.
Make her feel beautiful.
In the same way our prehistoric patriarchs were required to be alphas in order to secure a mate, mesolithic matriarchs were selected based on their beauty. There’s nothing superficial about it; on a subconscious level, we see an attractive woman and think of her as a good genetic match, worthy of passing our seed onto and bearing our progeny. The cruel and unfortunate part of this equation is: beauty fades. Women battle not only the unreasonable demands placed on them by society, the media, and Photoshop, but time. As a man, it’s your job to make your woman feel beautiful. Every woman has something unique about her; a strategically placed mole, the twist of her smile, an inner light. The woman that feels beautiful in your presence is free from her own self-consciousness, and so free to abandon her inhibitions.
Foreplay, all day.
The (at least) fifteen minutes you spend before intercourse isn’t really foreplay. Foreplay is the flirty text message she received during her morning meeting. It’s the thirty second mid-afternoon phone call describing in explicit detail what you intend to do to her when she gets home. Foreplay is asking how her day was, and actually listening when she tells you. If you’re married, foreplay might mean doing the dishes so she can put the kids to bed. Foreplay is everything you do all day to keep her panties soaking wet, so the physical expression is merely the culmination of what you made sure was going through her head all day. The most erotic things happen in the mind first; mental stimulation, given time to marinate, will manifest physically.
I know this sounds like a lot guys, but all I am saying is: give peace a chance.
Ladies, what you can to do contribute to world peace will be covered in part 3.
© j summers 2011
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