How to Comment like a D**chebag on the Internet. ~ Anonymous

Via Waylon Lewis
on Apr 21, 2012
get elephant's newsletter

A Handy 10-Step Guide.

1. Make sure your account’s name is anonymous.

2. Say something without thinking about it first.

3. Say something really mean and condescending and macho and righteous without punctuation and with at least two exclamation marks. Don’t sign off.

4. End your insult in a vague ellipses, signifying that you couldn’t spare the time to complete your own thought because you had to get busy s*****g your own d**k, you’re so impressed with how macho you are when you’re anonymous.

5. Criticise the author, who doesn’t have the luxury of anonymity, for being negative or critical by being negative and critical.

6. It’s not a dialogue. Leave your steaming insult and don’t come back and respond to the author’s thoughtful, hurt comment.

7. Don’t think about the author’s feelings or even visualize them as a feeling, human being. Live out your John Wayne/Bill O’Reilly fantasy.

8. If you see a sexy image and want to criticize the author for posting it, make sure you’re at home safe home wearing only your underwear while criticizing others for wearing only their underwear.

9. F*ck you.

10. ….


PS: thoughtful, mindful, in-depth criticism turns thoughtful, mindful, loving people on. ~ Robert Sturman, Lindsey Block, Waylon “All the Bad Parts above are my Fault” Lewis


About Waylon Lewis

Waylon Lewis, founder of elephant magazine, now & host of Walk the Talk Show with Waylon Lewis, is a 1st generation American Buddhist “Dharma Brat." Voted #1 in U.S. on twitter for #green two years running, Changemaker & Eco Ambassador by Treehugger, Green Hero by Discovery’s Planet Green, Best (!) Shameless Self-Promoter at Westword's Web Awards, Prominent Buddhist by Shambhala Sun, & 100 Most Influential People in Health & Fitness 2011 by "Greatist", Waylon is a mediocre climber, lazy yogi, 365-day bicycle commuter & best friend to Redford (his rescue hound). His aim: to bring the good news re: "the mindful life" beyond the choir & to all those who didn't know they gave a care. | His first book, Things I would like to do with You, is now available.


50 Responses to “How to Comment like a D**chebag on the Internet. ~ Anonymous”

  1. Bonus points for misspellings, name calling and comments that are simultaneously mean and not addressing the author's point. Those are my fave.

  2. Robert says:

    How do I get rid of my picture? This isn't fair.

  3. suri_k says:

    ohh for F%cks sake !!…..Just kidding.

  4. yogasamurai says:

    Hang in there, Dude. I am surprised by some of the comments you get. People declaring your work "not art," and all that. I enjoy seeing your images, and it's beyond question to me that you are an artist, but some people may think that term applies only to Picasso, fine. Let's just say that you're a brilliant photographer then. I think you capture the animating playful spirit of much of contemporary yoga, and you also celebrate its uplifting, cosmic potential – and natural beauty – with a compelling visual style. Personally, since these dimension are the ones typically more emphasized, perhaps, I am a little more intrigued by some of your photos that also suggest other yogic dimensions – devotion, humility, sacrifice – the earth more than the heavens, as it were. We need both. I look forward to seeing more. Peace Stewart

  5. SwamiMike says:


  6. straight thinker says:

    what a stupid post, it only 9 thing, and the 9th doesn't even say anything!! this is a straw man! do u even know what it is!?? **think about it** then- get it together ->moron.. an DON"T change the subject :((

  7. I post often because I am the managing editor and part of my job is creating mindful content, and I love doing it.

    Comments on my stuff don't really bother me—I love debate…you know that. What I don't like is seeing newer writers become discouraged by mean comments that don't have a point. A wild forum is great! Nasty comments that don't add anything to the discussion aren't.

  8. yogasamurai says:

    So delete them? Or warn your writers not to expect Valentines.Several months ago, Carol Horton received complaints about an article that I had merely re-posted with commentary on her Facebook page, and she not only deleted my posting but banned me from her Facebook page, simply to cover her own ass with her little girlfriend groupies that apparently had their little feelings hurt. I laughed! Then I turned around and wrote an article on the same topic for Huff Po that was one of Huff-Po's most popular ever – and I mean, ever. The Divine presence uses even academic apologists like Horton as agents of His or Her will. Every action breeds a reaction, and you just keep rolling, because you never know what the "message" really is. So are you really every aspiring writer's Mother Hen?

  9. Samurai. I look forward to seeing your images from your time as a jouralist in El Salvador. Deep respect to the war photographer. My above comment was a joke because I can’t be anonymous. My picture shows up everytime I comment on the Internet.

  10. Yup. Officially changing my title from managing editor to mother hen. Or maybe "Internet A-hole Avenger" and I'll have a cape made. haha!

  11. yogasamurai says:

    And pose naked, with a sword. No balloons, though.

  12. straight thinker says:

    wow what was that piece on huff po, the one that was one of its most popular ever?

  13. NotyogitobyeIswear. says:

    Yeah like Sturman you dumb ass, just sign out and get offensive as a guest.

    That Waylon fella thinks he's funny or some shite… I'm gonna read some other crap somewhere else… shmucks the lot of ye!!!!!

  14. yogi tobye says:

    Oooh! this is fun! I could argue with myself all night coz I've no friends and nothing better to do!

    Waylon rocks and Robert is one cool dude.

  15. yogasamurai says:

    Murder at Lululemon

  16. KristinSLuce says:

    Well done, Waylon. Well done!

  17. Katherine says:

    I think we’re forgetting something here. It might be that we all are making more assumptions than we have a right to. How would you respond if you knew that your so-called douchebag was in the middle of a struggle with mental illness? What if the so-called douchebag was autistic and literally didn’t see the world the same way you do?

    I’m not saying that is always the case, but what if your assumptions about the douchebag are false enough to make you the douchebag and you just don’t know it?

  18. straight thinker says:

    wow so it was the store that made that lady kill, spooky. also creepy is seeing half the comments are yours!
    it looks like yesterday's 'how weed day got its name', published every year, is coming on your numbers quick!! :((

  19. straight thinker says:

    until you're omnipotent you could say that about anything, and if you try to address what might be ailing a person, you're going to be accused of going ad hominem, so you're stuck having to address their critiques, insofar as they can be called that and especially with the anons, assuming you find it's worth addressing in the first place

  20. Bobby says:

    Not sure what prompted this, either the comments on Yogadork or some perceived slight this this photo guy, but I would say you both need to man up.

    And oh Fuck You too Motherfucker!

  21. Katherine says:

    I'm saying if we were to err on the side of compassion then perhaps everyone would do a little more winning Or, you can take the chance of being the douche bag yourself and continue the trend of hate in the world. Hate begets hate, it will only stop when we become strong enough to be the one's to stop it.

  22. yogasamurai says:

    Funny! I love cheap sarcasm. I'll send you a link to my book when it's ready for promo. The article's nothing compared to what the interviews with ex-employees reveal? I am also interviewing Brittany Norwood on racism at Lululemon and her life in prison. I'll be sure to send you the links if you send me your email. Thanks so much for your sincerity! Always a pleasure. Yours in Christ, Stewart

  23. yogasamurai says:

    Negatives long buried in storage I'm afraid. Life magazine was the best. I missed a Newsweek color cover by 2 minutes. It was a good example of what happens when you step out on faith – at the time, booze helped – and just put yourself in a position for things to happen. It was just one of those things. I was in El Salvador when the journalistic pack, including 90% of the photographers, had moved on to Sandinista Nicaragua, but then things took off again in Salvador, and I was there and others weren't. You're motivating me to dig some of this stuff out.

  24. straight thinker says:

    wow that's great, really looking forward to it, i can be reached at [email protected]

  25. Black Dirt Goddess says:

    I love appropriating the word douchebag and other gorgeous profanities full of punch.
    im surprised nobody has found a use for the word c u n t in this thread?

  26. straight thinker says:

    give it a try, a lot of people are just out to argue. I've tried several approaches but have yet to break the douche code,

  27. Matt DuDonis says:

    I'm kind of surprised by the langauge I've seen lately on elephant journal. It just seems to me that a blog site that is devoted to higher mindedness would be so willing to put so much foul language out there. It really seems to be getting out of hand. I'm not suggesting censorship, but maybe sharing this observation will help. If politeness or manners or morals aren't good enough reasons to spare others the expletives, how about considering that their use is really the clearest sign of a poor vocabulary and mismanaged frustration.

  28. Katherine says:

    It's not your job to stop *them*. It's your job to stop yourself. Send them love and move on if necessary. <3

  29. Waylon says:

    Donna Runion I think the last one of these I dealt with regularly just unfriended me. I guess I must have mastered the lesson they were sent to teach me…….. 😉 Good attitude, Donna! Haters gonna hate, as they say. It's our job just to walk our integrity and check in with ourselves and honest friends. ~ Waylon

  30. cathywaveyoga says:

    hmm, interesting. Thank you Kate. And those rude comments from yogasamurai.. do you get to decide to delete them or not? I suggest delete one or 2 of them.

  31. Tina Gallagher says:

    Wow way to start a rumble. lol If it offends you, you are probably doing it and offending someone else. tehehe Nice article!
    Would like to share my experience of the day with narrow minded people:
    Tina to clerk: I found a buddah lamp at an estate sale perfect for meditation.
    Clerk to Tina: What are you some kind of Muslim?
    ugh… Really? Oh and when I said all religion has its wisdom and all religions have their idiots…

  32. Thank you, Cathy. I try not to get too bent out of shape by the rude comments (or too much of an ego boost from the nice ones).

  33. Black Dirt Goddess says:

    and so it goes…a couple of good opps to rejoice in the joys of uttering that stellar sound ~ when used sparingly and in the right circumstance, c u n t can really deliver …..and it always makes my heart stutter . thanks for sharing.

  34. Raizo Tanaka says:

    did this comment get "Straight" THinker's IP blocked? I hope so, (s)he is spending way too much time on the internet, and enjoying this site and teh "respectful" dialogue too much. luminaries like Mr. Stews, his obsessive and borderline misogyny/bullying, wowowo really what a pleasure, refreshing.

  35. Raizo Tanaka says:

    you are one classy guy, such generosity- from the horse's mouth and all!

  36. ManifestYogaJen says:

    ha. I love this. Next time my stalker strikes( who signs under different names and comments on everything I post near and far) I am going to send them this. Love xoxo

  37. JC Jaress says:

    Sarcasm is aggression and I'd like to think that Elephant knows that. So, this post turns me off a little bit. I really appreciate most of what I read in Elephant but there are times when Waylon, among others, seems actually hurt by some of the douchie comments that, by nature of offering a comments section, are bound to manifest on the site.

    C'mon, buck it up. Don't let the meanies get you down – you're doing great work here. Thank you, all.

  38. Locayoga says:

    People should not be allowed to post anonymously. We are letting the people who fart then run off and point the finger at someone else get away with their BS. Stand behind your words, don't produce a big stink then not even have the balls to admit it was you.

  39. Jodi says:

    Ironically, using the term d-bag is well-known as a misogynist term in communities who care about women… May I ask who wrote this? Was it re-posted by Elephantjournal, because this site usually has a clue.

  40. Nooshi says:

    Haha, hilarious post! I especially like numbers 9 and 10.

  41. Waylon Lewis says:

    I wrote it, as it says at the bottom. In my experience, and the experience of my friends (who are professional, frequent users of the term "douchebag," it's a term applied almost uniformly to would-be cool, selfish, tacky men. ~ Waylon.

  42. Waylon Lewis says:

    Amen! Wish we could mandate this with our current comment system.

  43. Waylon Lewis says:

    Of course I actually get hurt—I'm human, not…Cylon.

    That said, the above was offered entirely in the spirit of fun—of sarcasm—we're not a site devoted to too long eyes-closed hugging and astrological crystal-blessed candlelit affirmations. ~ Waylon

  44. Waylon Lewis says:

    Don't send them anything. Have a friend do so. In my (albeit fortunately limited experience) with trolls online, boredom is the only way to get them to go away. As my Buddhist mentor says, and he's a professional therapist, "when dealing with crazy, kindness and anger are both ineffectual. The only way to win is to offer boredom, ie, nothing."

  45. Waylon Lewis says:

    Sorry, no. I don't do this to others. I take great pains, when I disagree, not to attack the person offering a different point of view. And I never do so anonymously.

  46. Waylon Lewis says:

    Fuck is holy. Both Allen Ginsberg and Osho would agree:

    What's not holy is aggression. Aggression can come through safe language (see Brave New World) just as easily than it can come through frank language.

    That said, mindfulness of speech is vital, you're right:

  47. […] like Gawker—another blog with a funny, strong, occasionally cruel (but, to their credit, never anonymous) voice—they sometimes enjoy their barbs too much. We should never enjoy poking others, tearing […]

  48. Auki says:

    Unbelievably rude blog post, Waylon. Is that what you call leading by example? How about walking your own talk and toning down your use of expletives?

  49. Randolph says:

    Growing up in a small town, where literally everyone I knew worked at the local douche bag factory, where every meal, every school book, every car or pair of shoes came from that very same weekly paycheck, I suppose I have a slightly different view on things.