September 5, 2012

Finding Freedom from My Fear of Cinnamon Buns. ~ Samantha Straub

After I eat two slices of healthy pizza and two cinnamon buns my mind simultaneously wanders to whether or not I’m fat. That is, my mind begins a tyrant of remarks and questions: Where is it going to go? Am I fat? Ugh, why did I eat so much? Now I’m drinking wine…I’m such a pig!

Just writing out the remarks makes me aware of how ludicrous and untrue they are.

Truth be told, it’s been a long day. It’s been a long day and we just got a new apartment—finally. Yes, these are excuses, again consummated by this crazy mind; but life will be much healthier tomorrow. Life has a way of finding its equilibrium; a natural balance. The balance tonight is celebrating no more motel living with my love, drinking wed wine and eating yummy cinnamon buns that conjure up childhood memories.

Every moment holds the possibility of ending in a thousand different ways and it’s the ego that makes it individualistic. Certain situations that would not be frightful to one may be quite fearful for another. Being carried by the mind, yet originating from the ego. Together they create those fearful moments (say, becoming fat from eating pizza and cinnamon buns). But we can do something other than being afraid. We can stop it. We can change our fear to power; change our sadness to gratitude. We can experience a challenge rather than suffering through it.

So tonight I took a different approach in the dealings of my mind and ego. I did as Ana Forrest says and take ten deep breaths after noticing this egotistical fear; as expected, those ten breaths felt fabulous. The thoughts have subsided partially and rather than feeling shame, I felt grateful; for having a love, an apartment and delicious cinnamon buns to celebrate.

Most of us move in a 360-degree circumference—our wandering minds lead us through the same situations over and over and over again. Becoming aware is the first step, but how do we stop it? How do we control our mind when it is on a wandering road from point A, all the way through B, and over to D for a moment, curving through S, and ending up at a position to which we can’t even retrace our steps?

It’s simple—we breathe.

We just stop and take a moment to breathe. This is simple in theory and hard in execution, but as soon as you take those ten conscious breaths you’ll recognize that life seems to smooth out a little bit. You’ll feel a little more present, a little more grateful for the fear, for the ego, and realize that the breath is salvation for true happiness.

Happiness comes from living presently, which starts with our breath. For me tonight living presently consists of pizza, cinnamon buns and wine with my darling. No longer allowing myself to feel guilty, but rather feeling grateful for this moment. Tomorrow I will once again encounter my ego—that wandering mind—a million times over. I will experience fear in different forms, but hopefully I am able to catch those moments, breathe through them and congratulate myself with a pat on the back and the memory of those delicious Pillsbury cinnamon buns I consumed the evening before.

Sammy is a Canadian who loves to wander this beautiful world. She is a lover of the ocean, all things organic, and dancing. She is a self proclaimed yoga-loving, dog-walking, foodie of a woman.  While teaching full time in Austin and beginning to bring her life’s purpose into reality, Sammy continues to find the time to write about those crazy revelations on and of the mat. Follow her on Twitter if you’d like to link up to other writings, or have some tea and enjoy the day.






Editor: Alexandra Grace

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