How to really release your inner goddess.

Via Kate Bartolotta
on Sep 13, 2012
get elephant's newsletter

This is not a how to upgrade your sex life, be more awesome, Cosmo-bullshit kind of post.

With apologies to my female friends who loved Fifty Shades, when I saw this in the bookstore I wasn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.

Is this what we’ve come to? 93 percent of women polled are still trying to release their “inner goddesses” and get their sexy mojo going?

What women? They didn’t ask me, because this is what I would have told them.

Let go of your “inner goddess.”

Let her go.

It’s time. Give her a good shakedown, make sure she’s not taking anything of yours with her and then tell her to hit the road.

What’s that all about anyway?

We read this phrase and have visions of this lovely goddess surrounded with dewy petals and wildlife, equal parts strength and femininity. It’s like a new age version of a Disney Princess. Have you looked around the Pantheon? Some of the goddesses are pretty scary! What if your inner goddess is Kali or Shiva? We all have days when whatever goddess is lurking around in there sure as hell isn’t all love, light and lotus petals.

 Own your opinion.

It’s not about what your “inner goddess” wants or what she would do. What do you want? What do you want? What’s in between your bones, aching to be done? What’s in there? That’s what matters. That’s where you’re powerful. When you don’t take ownership of your dreams, you take away your voice.

When I hear women talking about “connecting with their inner goddess” or “releasing their inner goddess” or “listening to their inner goddess,” I hear one more way we aren’t taking ownership of our opinions, our passions and our voices. This is what I want. This is what I love. This is what I’m saying. Own it.

Be passionate.

I would rather get to the end of my life penniless and exhausted, having given my whole self to the dreams I am passionate about, than played it safe and lived a passionless life. What does that look like for you? What do you dream of doing? What keeps you up at night? If you haven’t found it yet, maybe it’s time you stopped reading about relationship role playing games and started paying attention to your heart. Take step back from that Pinterest board and see what’s coming up over and over for you. No one else can tell you what your dream is. It has to come from you.

You know that silly quote about noticing where your heart goes when it wanders? That one’s true. That thing, that person, that dream that you just can’t stop thinking about? That’s it. Stop waffling and own it. Don’t think for one single second about how it “looks” to anyone else. It’s yours. That’s all that matters.

Be magnificent.

Stop looking for validation. Stop spinning. Stop fixing. Stop being afraid of yourself and be magnificently human.

This doesn’t mean be self-indulgent or self-centered. Take care of yourself. Take care of the people you love. But know that the light inside you is enough to light up the whole sky—to light up your whole life—just as it is right now. There isn’t going to come a day where you connect with “your goddess” and everything is going to be amazing. It’s already amazing. You’re just too afraid to see it. When we spend time trying to be like someone or something else, we’re missing the point. What’s most magnificent is the ways that we aren’t like anyone else.

Be human.

Every cell of you contains the stars. Your amazing heart beat 100,000 times today. What makes you so amazing isn’t that you are a goddess, it’s that you are human. You are not sexy because you read the right article, or wore the right lipstick or “found your inner goddess.” You don’t have to be that. It’s your wild, precious, flawed human self that is perfect in its imperfection.

All those articles about how to be better in bed, be a sex goddess, yadda yadda yadda? They come down to two things: confidence and enthusiasm. (Well, that and tips like “put an Altoid in your mouth while giving a blow job,” to which I would add a cautionary: just ’cause Cosmo says it’s great, doesn’t make it true.)

Take care of the beautiful body you have. Love it. Strengthen it. Challenge it. Nourish it.

Beyond that? Skip the Altoids and work on confidence and enthusiasm.

Tumblr Meme

I don’t want to be a goddess.

I don’t need a pedestal to see how beautiful and precious this human life is.

I want to be stretched and broken by life, over and over so I can let more light out.
I want to wake up on a Thursday morning and revel in the simple human day, because great things don’t usually fall in our laps. We create them by who we are and what we do daily.

I want to try and fail, and try and fail and try and fail again. It isn’t because we are goddesses that makes life brilliant. It’s the fact that we’re human and fuck up and fail—and get up and try again.

So release her. Let go of her.

This wild and precious life is messy; enjoy it.

Be awkward and giggle too much.

Make corny jokes at inappropriate times.

Skip the role playing and ask for what you want—in every part of life.

Say “fuck” a little more often than you should.

Eat blackberries with your fingers and be a deliciously, juicy mess.

Wear cowgirl boots with a dress, a smile on your face and your heart on your sleeve.

Forget about being a goddess. Be you.


 Like elephant journal on Facebook.


About Kate Bartolotta

Kate Bartolotta is a wellness cheerleader, yogini storyteller, and self-care maven.
She also writes for Huffington Post, Yoga International, Mantra Yoga+ Health, a beauty full mind, The Good Men Project, The Green Divas, The Body Project, Project Eve, Thought Catalog and Soulseeds.
Kate’s books are now available on and Barnes &

She is passionate about helping people fall in love with their lives.

You can connect with Kate on Facebook and Instagram.


23 Responses to “How to really release your inner goddess.”

  1. linzfrentrop says:

    Awesome article! Its too bad that something like this *needs* to be written. But it does – and you did it beautifully. Very inspiring. 🙂

  2. ria says:

    bravo !!

  3. Dawn Cartwright says:

    Huge Sigh Of Relief.
    Thanks, Kate!

  4. I LOVE this Kate! "I want to be stretched and broken by life, over and over so I can let more light out." – gorgeous.

  5. Lori Ann Lothian says:

    I just read the whole thing! Finally…after a long day and it really hit home, big huge yes smile on my face. Thanks Kate! I want to get me some cowgirl boots and what the heck, where them with my pj's 🙂

  6. Tara says:

    "When you don’t take ownership of your dreams, you take away your voice."

    Awesome. Truly awesome article. Thank you.

  7. Sara says:

    Yes! The Goddess thing – while a nice enough concept and maybe even empowering to some, can just be another way that we don't take responsibility for our lives. The Goddess is a tool – use her if you need a bit of inspiration, then grab the reins 🙂 Nice one, Kate.

  8. Anne says:

    Love your posts, Kate.

  9. Lynne says:

    love your posts great article sent it to my daughter

  10. Ana Catalina says:

    Bravo Kate! Me encantó!!!

  11. Sonja says:

    Love it! Thank you, a breath of fresh air

  12. Maddie says:

    Amen…beautiful article!!

  13. Simon Newton says:

    "It’s like a new age version of a Disney Princess"


    So much of the spiritual path has been hijacked by ideals of what we should be, ought to be, need to be, that we are tied up in knots of self blame for not being good enough.

    How can we wake up being anything other than our authentic self?

  14. Trista says:

    Great article Kate! Loved hearing a fresh perspective – I'm in Goddess land most of the time – but you nailed it in terms of what we should aim for.

  15. Dassie says:

    thanks for this refreshingly honest article, Kate. I've been resisting the 50 shades shenanigans with gusto, much to the dismay of some, and this gives me even more reason for staying on track and just being me…love me or leave me, just take me as I am, warts and all!

  16. […] when the motions of our day suddenly transcend our plans and visions and become something more vivid and alive, pulsing with breath and emotion and color. This is not perfection. This is life. That moment when […]

  17. […] He shows up at 7:30 for a cup of coffee before work. I’ve planned my attire with care. I love to dress up for him—it ramps up the sexual tension and brings out my sex goddess. […]

  18. Amber says:

    i don't think you get why women (and men) want to connect with their "inner Goddess". It has nothing to do with sex or Fifty Shades of Grey. It has to do with embracing what is feminine. And what is The Divine Feminine. Most women do not have a place or opportunity to do so. Femininity is an energy. We live in a world of polarities – night & day, light & dark, yin & yang and masculine & feminine. Without embracing this energy, we are imbalanced. The world is imbalanced. This has nothing to do with being broken in cowboy boots or being on a pedestal. There is room for being "YOU" – but feeling connected to an energy that is extremely sacred and essential to creating life.

  19. Laura says:

    Loved this! ~ laura c

  20. Lovely says:

    I agree. This author knows nothing about what a goddess truly is. Do some real research and then write another article.

  21. This was specifically in reaction to the way the Fifty Shades of Grey ilk has taken the "inner goddess" concept, and not about Divine Femininity, which I am a strong believer in embracing and connecting with. When I wrote this, there were many articles coming out making reference to the "inner goddess" as portrayed in that series, and it was a bit disheartening. Thank you for your thoughts!

  22. charmainesusanroberts says:

    Wow, love this, and needed to hear it. Thank you!

Leave a Reply