Dear Yogi Muse: On the Yoga Police & Being Perfect.

Via Michelle Marchildon
on Oct 22, 2012
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Dear Yogi Muse:

I want to express my opinions but I am afraid of the Yoga Police. They seem to be everywhere these days. What should I do?

– Conflicted in Connecticut

Dear Conflicted:

I understand and believe me; you are right to be concerned about the Yoga Police. The YP know everything about yoga and are more enlightened than you and me, or is it you and “I”?  (Believe me, they will let us know.) I have been hounded by them lately. They have been very vocal that what I wear to practice isn’t yogic, that getting angry isn’t yogic, that writing about yoga scandals isn’t yogic, and that making fun of yoga isn’t yogic. Apparently, you are only supposed to breathe and be quiet on your mat.

So this is how I deal with the Yoga Police: some days just require Xanax. I also recommend that they might try yoga to deal with my unyogic-ness because everyone says it works. Good luck, and do not be afraid of people who sign their name, God or Great Teacher. I mean, really? I think God may have other things on his/her mind than whether or not my butt looks big in Luon.

Dog Lover and Buddhist

Dear Yogi Muse,

I understand that the editor of Elephant Journal, Waylon Lewis, is a Buddhist. Do I need to be Buddhist to write for EJ?

– Practicing but not yet Perfect

Dear Practicing,

I don’t think so, but it couldn’t hurt. (I am waving my arms above my head and screaming, Joke!, for all the serious people, many of which live in Boulder, are Buddhist, and do not think this is funny.) However, the Yoga Police will give you a much easier time if you are gluten-free because that is also necessary to be yogic (Um, waving my arms above my head again people). And yes, I do know that many individuals have a life-threatening allergy or Celiac disease and I am in no way making fun of those people who experience illness from gluten. I am only making fun of everyone else.

I’m not angry!

Dear Yogi Muse,

Why are you so angry all the time? Your energy is very bad and it is destroying yoga and all of mankind. You deserve much bad Karma, and I wish it would happen already so I can get back to being more yogic than you.

– Great Teacher

Dear Great Teacher:

How did you get here? You are supposed to wait until after the blog has been posted to tell me that I am evil.

But I want to clear this up because I get asked a lot about why I seek to destroy mankind. First of all, it’s just not true! However, I take life, including yoga, lightly. I try to find a way to laugh through the tears. Furthermore, my humor veers towards the snarky. In fact, I have asked to be called, The Queen of Snark, but so far I am still just Michelle, queen of all the dishes I can see in my kitchen.

Truthfully, I will just go out on a limb and say I am the most self-deprecating, snarky, middle-aged brunette yogi living in the Rocky Mountains who also has two dogs. Their names are Lucy and Ricky. If you don’t think that’s funny and that I still want to destroy the world, then I just give up. Have a nice day until we see each other in the next life.


Editor: Brianna Bemel


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About Michelle Marchildon

Michelle Berman Marchildon is the Yogi Muse. She’s an award-winning journalist, and the author of Finding More on the Mat: How I Grew Better, Wiser and Stronger through Yoga. Her second book, Theme Weaver: Connect the Power of Inspiration to Teaching Yoga, is for yoga teachers who want to inspire their students. Michelle is a columnist for elephant journal and Origin Magazine and a contributor to Teachasana, My Yoga Online and Yoga Journal. She is an E-RYT 500 with Yoga Alliance and teaches in Denver, Co where she is busy raising two boys, two dogs and one husband. You can follow her on Facebook at Michelle Marchildon, The Yogi Muse. You can find her blog and website at And you can take her classes on


7 Responses to “Dear Yogi Muse: On the Yoga Police & Being Perfect.”

  1. lonesomelotusyoga says:

    Yoga Police. I keep seeing a lulu-clad SWAT team kicking in my door and yelling, Straighten those knees, Asshole!

  2. Michelle Marchildon says:

    My legs aren't perfectly straight either.

  3. sherry says:

    I love your posts, snarkiness, unyogicness, anger, etc., AND especially your humor!!! I get you, Michelle!! Keep on writing. I hope I have an opportunity to meet you before the "next life." 🙂

  4. Dear Yogi Muse: It's "then you or me". If you are going to teach yoga or wear Lululemon, then it is necessary that your written grammar be perfect. The mere idea that you would even allow questions of grammar to permeate its way into your article is an aberration and an atrocity. I am not sure how you sleep at night. Further, your destructive opinions that people should be free to think for themselves or take your snarkiness with a grain of salt will slowly become the undoing of the yoga practice as we know it. Beneath the smile of the Buddha is a a criticism leveled directly at you.

    We are watching you, Yogi Muse. Any further missteps, and we will begin collecting your Luon. Further, if you choose to espouse your opinions on a publc blogging site, and they are not in line with the "Rules, Regualtions, By-Laws, General Laws, Sections, Subsections, and Bulletpoints" of the yoga police manual and handbook, then it will be noted and you will be on the Yoga Police watchlist. Watch yourself, Missy! Thin ice!

  5. greateacher says:


  6. Michelle Marchildon says:

    I love you Andrew Gurvey. Don't ask me why. It's probably not a healthy relationship. But if it feels this wrong, then it must be right.

  7. […] For example, the yoga voice yogis say that I shouldn’t write about yoga because I find humor in life (Even though I have written two books, have a master’s degree and three decades in journalism). In fact, a troll once called my employers to say I shouldn’t be allowed to work because I’m not yogic and not funny. Which is ridiculous, because I’m very funny. […]