I Married Superman: 10 Characteristics of a Quality Guy.

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Wonder what it takes to marry the best husband in the whole world? I can tell you. Here, the top 10 qualities that make up a really great man, x-ray vision not required.

I married Superman.

No, he doesn’t own a cape—but he does have super powers.

He makes me feel like the most amazing woman alive. He treats me with the care and respect I deserve; he loves our little girl in a way that melts my heart—and every single day I thank God that I married this man.

Top 10 Characteristics of a Good Quality Guy

So what should you look for in a guy? These 10 things:

1. Humor. Life has ups and downs, and dramas and supporting characters that we sometimes wish would vanish. So your guy should make you laugh.

2. Intelligence. My man has a Master’s degree in Geophysics and another Master’s in Medical Physics; with work experience in both fields. Basically, I’m married to a genius. Does your guy have to have an I.Q. better than Einstein’s? No, but you definitely need to be able to relate to him on a mental level—and he should bring out your own curiosity and intellect too.

3. Physical fitness. Your guy doesn’t have to leap tall buildings in a single bound—but if he takes care of himself physically, it’s a sign of self-respect.

4. Patience. Being in a relationship with me probably isn’t easy. I’m neurotic and hyperactive—and impatient. So I’m eternally grateful that I married a guy with the patience of a superhero. Trust me, if he has patience with you and your quirky qualities, it makes life that much easier.

5. Loving feeling. My husband loves me; truly loves who I am inside and out. Pick someone who really likes being with you.

6. Soulful. My guy is so spiritual. He always has been. Being with someone with a spiritual nature is enriching to your life—and to the relationship you share.

7. Commitment Lover. Back in high school, I had a theory that my girlfriends should date guys who liked worn out jeans (I’ve dated my husband since I was 14). My thinking was that if he had trouble getting rid of those perfectly worn pants, then he was also more likely to enjoy long-term relationships. Now I’m not too sure of the accuracy of this adolescent idea, but your ideal partner should show a level of commitment in other areas of his life besides you.

8. Good taste. My favorite clothes and jewelry are hand-picked by my husband. I don’t think that this has to be a requirement of a successful relationship—but it sure doesn’t hurt either.

9. Compliments. Your perfect mate should spend more time highlighting what’s great about you than harping on your lesser traits; not because he’s blind to your reality, but because he loves you for who you are and knows that we live up to the standards that are set for us. In short, we grow to be our best selves in a nurturing, positive environment. And its up to us to learn how to accept a compliment.

10. He doesn’t take your crap. Okay, so I do mean the above statement in number nine. However, that doesn’t mean your guy should turn his head when you treat him poorly, try to control him, or act in a way that’s beneath you. He should encourage—and if necessary demand—that you rise and shine to the occasion; that you be your best self.

Life is challenging, and a great partner should make your life easier not harder.

Finding a good guy is possible.

Good luck on your quest.

Mindful Bonus:



Relephant reads:

A Married Man’s Secret Tears. 

Dear Husband, If You Do These Things, I’ll Make Your Dreams Come True.

We aren’t all married yet, and our Super(wo)man has yet to be imagined. Until then:


 Like elephant love & relationships on Facebook.


Ed: Kate Bartolotta

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anonymous Mar 6, 2016 7:09pm

What a nice piece!
I fall under the categories you listed but fortunately or unfortunately most Women don’t appreciate what they have.one man’s meat is another man poison.

anonymous Jan 31, 2016 10:44pm

It's far easier to write a list AFTER you find the guy than before. In fact, I'd suspect that writing such a list BEFORE finding a guy is an indication that the guy, once found, will be lost. How many women would write a "before" list that didn't include sex or intimacy?

As a guy, I found the list fairly amusing…mostly because of the heckling remarks I heard in my head. I believe I possess at least 9 of the 10 attributes listed yet I've yet to find a woman who'll stick around. Married twice and the only feedback I got when I asked "What did I do wrong?" was "Nothing. You were the perfect husband. I guess I'm not meant to be married." Uh-huh. I guess honesty wasn't either's virtue. (And, since they couldn't stay out of other guys' beds, I guess I should've known.)

One interesting thing to me is that I'm sure 9 out of 10 that read the above paragraph will be 'sure' they 'know' what the 'problem' was, and it would somehow be nearly all my fault. That's been my experience, at least. (A failed marriage is 'always' mostly the guy's fault. That's why the word 'cuckold' was even invented.)

anonymous Jan 31, 2016 10:33pm

It’s far easier to write a list AFTER you find the guy than before. In fact, I’d suspect that writing such a list BEFORE finding a guy is an indication that the guy, once found, will be lost. How many women would write a “before” list that didn’t include sex or intimacy?

anonymous Aug 10, 2015 8:20pm

I can think of a dozen things I would have chosen instead of good taste. I expected a deeper article.

anonymous Jun 25, 2015 1:26pm

wow that is great. good to see this site. helpful for us.

anonymous Jun 1, 2015 8:09am

Thank for this!!! I actually found one, too! and you saying you've been dating your husband since your 14 supports my belive it could realy last for long…The more I'm reading, and observing us together, the more I'm believing again in true love like I did when I was youger 😀

anonymous May 31, 2015 5:09pm

your blessed. With my x-fiancé I remember going for a walk and I was shivering cold since the wind had picked up. He had 2 hoodies on and did he give me one or even put his arm around me and hug me in to warm me up. Nope. Nothing. That’s just one small reason we are no longer together. It was always all about him and I was last on his list of priorities. But thinking positive for the future and meeting a man who has these traits! 🙂

    anonymous Jan 31, 2016 10:52pm

    It's good he's an "ex"… but I have to wonder how he got as far as "fiancé." I can't even imagine being so wrapped up in my own thoughts that I'd not make sure my girlfriend/fiancee/wife was comfortable and offer my hoodie (or both). It's what "husbandry" means.

anonymous May 12, 2015 6:39pm

I have found the problem with many women – not all, or even most – is they are so worried about finding the perfect guy and whether he meets their list, they don't stop to consider if they're the woman such a man would want. I'm not saying these are bad women, I'm just saying they are not self-aware and do not spend nearly as much time on improving themselves as figuring out just exactly what they "deserve" from a man.

I say this because I've seen it in real life and because this is only like the 300th "guys should be" article I've seen in the last six months. I have seen exactly three articles on how a woman should be, and I think those authors have now left the country voluntarily to escape the harassment.

anonymous May 11, 2015 4:38pm

Oh dear. This 'check list' along with the authors uber wonderful examples will be a bit intimidating for a lot of wanna be good husband 'material' guys out there.

My main criteria for a good woman is simply a gorgeous being that is comfortable in her skin and makes me feel happy to be alive.

Making and measuring relationship checklists must be one of the least romantic things one can do. Using them to brag (celebrate) or validate one's own status (share) is another.

Kind Regards, Keith (Who has ever changing boxes to tick or cross)

P.S You left 'that something you can't quite put your finger on' off the list and heart pounding sexual attraction too.

    anonymous Jan 31, 2016 11:00pm

    My list has always been [1] Owns a beachfront condo on the ocean, [2] does photographer's modeling in her spare time, [3] owns a classic Austin-Healy 3000, [4] is a gourmet chef, [5] loves to scuba dive, [6] owns a Harley-Davidson Sportster, [7] has a high libido, [8] is monogamous, [9] loves me unconditionally, and [10] all but #8 and #9 are optional because I love her and don't want to live without her.

anonymous May 11, 2015 2:47pm

Read through the list carefully but each time the answer cam back me, me, me, me, me, me all the way through to 10 so ladies message me on FB and you might be the lucky girl!

anonymous May 11, 2015 2:37pm

I love the idea of the article: I've talked repeatedly about how superheroes are a good model for our masculinity, such as at https://thefredbc.wordpress.com/2015/03/09/chival… . But I do think that this article is a little bit simplistic. I'm writing a whole book on how comic book heroes in general provide us very specific morality lessons.

Superman has a lot of great and wonderful specifics that I think should be discussed.

#1: He supports his loved one in what she does. Superman respects Lois, because as Clark he knows how important being a reporter is.
#2: He allows his loved one to cut him down to size. In the cartoon adaptation of Superman vs. The Elite, Lois repeatedly challenges Clark on his optimism about human nature.
#3: He does his own thing and is proud of it, and lets his wife support him. During the battles against The Elite, Lois is wincing but still watching. Lois never tries to change him any more than he tries to change her.
#4: He will always save her life and be there to help her, but never giving her the feeling that she is weak and needs saving. (That's a tough one, and I'm still learning from Clark on that front).

One can keep going, but that's those are some most important parts of what makes a true Superman.

anonymous Sep 30, 2014 10:43pm

That's probably me ^_^

anonymous Jul 16, 2014 8:22pm

I agree with EKLounge and his philosophy relating to 3 primary intimacies. All of his stated characteristics are integral components necessary for a healthy and stable relationship. Having given up a career that was very important to me, to marry a man with custody of his three small children, all of whom had major emotional and developmental problems, was very challenging for me in my early 40s. I moved to a new town, gave up my single friends, and raised our children in the exact way that I would have raised my own biological children, if I had been able to have any. My husband traveled around the world on business, in a time when we did not have international cell phones. I didn't do it to be labled Superwoman. I was merely doing what I considered to be the right thing for my husband, my children, and our family. If that isn't a challenging commitment full of love, honor and selflessness, I don't know what is. It was the best thing I've ever done. Tennis, anyone?

anonymous Jul 14, 2014 1:15am

I'm a guy and I like the article although I feel like its a bit specific to blanket cover looking for a spouse. When dating there are 3 primary intimacies important to share; intellectual, spiritual, and maturity. One of the most important characteristics of a person to watch for are unselfishness; in other words, how do they treat people that they won't benefit from? A second characteristic, no less important, are conflict resolution skills. How able are they to stop resisting and talk to you like a human being whose needs are just as important as your own. Thirdly, ability to attach and commit; like the author said, their value to commitment is important to observe outside the sphere of a romantic relationship, it is quite revealing. There are hundreds of books written on this kind of stuff….so obviously 3 things is short, but in the long run if you consider these things, you'll make a wise decision and be able to say you married superman(or woman in my case). And I don't care whoever you are reading this, a committed successful marriage/family is the single most difficult thing you can do in this life, so if you like a challenge, get after it! 🙂 Thank you for posting this article

anonymous Apr 14, 2014 1:21pm

lucky girl.

anonymous Apr 6, 2014 10:24am

Really? This is like something I would've written in my diary as a teenager. The fact that it was written by a grown woman makes it contrived at worst, generic at best. Nice, funny, and works out? Wow. Thanks for those amazing revelations.

anonymous Mar 2, 2014 9:24pm

I call bullsh#$.. For every women that loves this list there are ten more that don't. Fact is, women are complex and don't know what they really want as a whole. Some women like strong quiet types while others like sensitive, emotionally expressive types. Some women want the man to take charge of everything and others want to be equals in all decisions made. I have been married and have dated numerous women of all backgrounds. If its one thing I can say for certain is that all women are different. Different needs , wants , demands, what have you. Men will never be able to figure women out as a whole. The trick is to find a man who loves you for you , the good and the bad, and can't imagine not having you in his life. Who will stick by you through thick and thin. Doesn't matter if he's funny, intellectual or well styled. Problem is women are out there looking for perfect men when they themselves are not perfect, because of lists like this.

    anonymous Mar 22, 2014 10:27pm

    I agree with Dr. Oz. Ain't nobody got time for this. Staying alive is tough enough. On top of that I have to do this, be that?

    anonymous Apr 4, 2015 11:42pm

    Yes, 1,2 3, and 8 actually say nothing about the quality of a person. I dated a sociopath that had all 4 of those characteristics.

    anonymous Apr 5, 2015 3:58am

    It doesn't matter what type of overall man a woman wants. Whether I want a strong and quiet type or a sensitive expressive type, I want him to have a sense of humor, intelligence, self-respect, patience, true appreciation of the real me, a connection to spiritual nature, respect for commitment, and good taste. I want him to compliment and complement me, and I want him to be self-assured and help me grow. This isn't a "perfect" man, it's just a list of what makes a man realistically decent for getting into a relationship with. The specifics of his type of humor, his intellectual specialties, how he keeps himself physically, how he shows his appreciation and love, what spirituality he has, what things he's committed to, what his good taste is in, how he compliments, or how he responds when I'm going to far… those are intricacies that one decides on for their image of someone "perfect." The list you're meaning to 'dis' is not this one.

    What makes a man perfect for me is when the WAY he does the things above align with the way I do them. My husband and I share a love of certain intellectual skills, for example. We argue about baroque and romantic periods in music and art. Some people don't want that, they want someone who is knowledgeable about modern music as they are. Both are intellectually matched, and it's healthy to want an intellectual match. If any woman would prefer to be with someone of lower intellect who lets her abuse him, who isn't willing to commit to anything, who doesn't respect himself, doesn't consider the divine on the level she does, and can't make her laugh… why does she even want him??

anonymous Feb 28, 2014 11:39am

i am a guy and i like this article much. women are somewhat an enigma even though i grew up with a twin sister 🙂 yes i totally get it, women love feeling safe and i can only imagine that you reciprocate. would be nice to have his 10 things that make you a super hero. personally i struggle with #4 and #10. it's not simple being with a woman who is fire. it's partly why i love her, though i feel that sometimes there is more reaction and a response. i have yet to learn how to calmly walk away without getting involved, nor have i cracked the code on #10 without her feeling she is being blamed or being put down.. but yeah – it's a journey 🙂 thanks for posting jen!

anonymous Feb 27, 2014 11:15pm

Found him.

anonymous Feb 27, 2014 8:07pm

YES! add more cats! I agree. haha.

I find it sad how ever that these things need to be written down. This to me is basic humanity between two lovers. But I know all too well , that these things are NOT common for some and it creates a very negative experience for all.

anonymous Feb 27, 2014 2:49pm

Only if there were a course .

I’d be one very Happy man..

anonymous Feb 27, 2014 10:43am

That’s a great list, but I’m So surprised Honesty is not on it! I married a guy who had 7 out of 10 of these and I thought how lucky am I?! BUT it turned out he was a deceiver and a half. Also, I was so amused at number 7…mine hung on to ALL his old stuff, especially mementos of girlfriends past (ugh), but had serious commitment issues soon as he ‘got’ the girl. Always one foot in one foot out! Thought I’d share with you that what you may think indicates ‘commitment lover’ may be a guy who also hangs on to his emotional baggage because he’s never dealt with it! We are currently going through a divorce 🙁 and although there are days I miss all his other superman qualities terribly, I remind myself how tormented I used to feel constantly wondering whether whatever he was saying to me was true or not, sincere or just meant to manipulate me, he was such a habitual liar/deceiver.

anonymous Feb 13, 2014 1:18am

I wouldn’t marry Superman if you paid me to do it. He would be way too full of himself and would always be dashing out the door to put out another fire. While I agree with 66.6% of the points made in the article, I disagree with the rest. A quality man is humble and loving, not boastful about how great he is. If I’m looking for a challenge match, I’ll bring out the chess board. The Irish are great, but the ones I have dated are very bull-headed and touchy. I’ll stick with my Italian, who is the kindest, sweetest and most helpful man I have ever known. We all have our own ideas about what works for us. Oh, and he adores my cats. Why would any woman want or try to give their partner crap, or vice versa? A willingness to compromise and be accepting, should be on that list.

anonymous Nov 23, 2013 6:55pm

Great article. I married Superman though 😉

anonymous Nov 23, 2013 5:09pm

I have 8/10 and the other two don't matter – we have been together for 25 years and I sooooooo love him. Every day. Always.

anonymous Nov 23, 2013 4:41pm

Great article! I’ve consistently shown all but #10. Whenever I don’t show #10, my girlfriend tells me that those times make her feel like she “doesn’t have any limits.” Maybe that reaction is a bad sign, but I suspect it’s simply that she wants to see that I respect myself enough not to let her walk all over me.

anonymous May 21, 2013 6:27am

This is a good top 10 list. I really like the "Commitment Lover" one too, that's really good. I laughed, but its sooo true

anonymous Jan 30, 2013 8:52pm

[…] an arena (or dive-bar) of fans, or a yoga student finally balancing in crane pose, you’re a hero, even a superhero, to someone, if even just yourself. Maybe we just need a little Marvel comics to inspire us… […]

anonymous Jan 21, 2013 10:23am

Great article, I love it. I strive to have all/more of those qualities in myself. I have found not having enough of #10 can be a bad thing.

Keep on writing, thank you.

    anonymous Jan 21, 2013 11:01am

    Thanks for the positive feedback, Tom. Much appreciated. I love that #10 has gotten such great support. I know, as a strong woman, I appreciate when my husband "doesn't take my crap." Thanks again.

anonymous Jan 19, 2013 6:20pm

What the helllll does number six mean? As a gent, or a lady, I'd love more specific, personal advice from you!
http://www.elephantjournal.com/2013/01/the-interv… Reminds me of this.

Don't tell folks to be "spiritual", show them how? More, please, help!

    anonymous Jan 20, 2013 5:50am

    No, I'm certainly not telling people to be more spiritual. In fact, I'm not telling people to be any of these things. I'm saying that, for me, these are qualities that I think are important in a partner. Maybe spirituality isn't important to some people, but to me it definitely is. If you look at any of the things on this list, I think most of them are innate qualities that you have or don't, and I certainly don't plan on embarking upon a quest to teach people how to be funny or believe in God.

anonymous Jan 19, 2013 6:16pm

Looks like I'm a winner! Thanks for this ego boost, Jennifer! I nabbed me a good one!

anonymous Jan 19, 2013 4:17am

Thanks for the feedback, ladies. I love hearing your stories.

anonymous Jan 18, 2013 7:48pm

"Partners are meant to have a priestly role in each other's lives. They are meant to help each other access the highest parts within themselves." ~ A Year of Daily Wisdom by Marianne Williamson
My husband wears superman jammies! Yes, really.

anonymous Jan 18, 2013 7:21pm

I found one, too!

    anonymous Jun 16, 2013 10:11pm

    Three cats and one guy who is not like the above. Life goes on, heaven forbid if I knew how far off the mark I was from any man's list.

anonymous Jan 18, 2013 7:12pm

They exist! Especially the Irish guys, I married one! He is all of the above & more…

    anonymous Jan 19, 2013 4:17am

    My husband's part Irish too. Hmmm… 😉

    anonymous Sep 14, 2013 1:12pm

    Mine is too 🙂 22 years ago his Irish eyes walked in… 5 years ago I finally married them 🙂

anonymous Jan 18, 2013 3:33pm

You are a very, VERY lucky woman. I've been looking for these very qualities and am on the verge of giving up and adopting more cats.

    anonymous Jan 18, 2013 4:22pm

    I am lucky, but don't give up! (Although, do adopt more cats if you want 😉 Seriously, good men are not fictitious creatures. They are out there seeking good women.

      anonymous Jan 8, 2016 2:38pm

      How long have you been married? You look very young and a new baby. And a stay at home mom. How lovely and nice. Does your husband work late, travel, or have lots of meetings?
      You should look into this article 10 years from now and another update then.
      I'd love to hear what's changed or gotten .. better.

    anonymous Nov 24, 2013 2:42pm

    Beth, keep in mind that finding a guy that matches these criteria is not easy, do not limit your self more by bringing on so many cats that he has to have a degree in Animal Husbandry. The best thing you could do is go to a grocery store or gym to find this person. Keep in mind, do not look at the guy who is so beefed up with muscles that you will be competing with weights as an affair, but find the guy who just slightly over and is trying to improve his self. The grocery store look in the produce section. If you try to find a guy in the meat department, you could be working against severe testosterone again. Don't discount joining a AA group or alike as there you may find someone who has tackled an issue in their life and is fixing it. Filtering through these is very important but good could come from it. Good luck he is out there, the right place to look is very important though.

anonymous Jan 18, 2013 7:34am


anonymous Jan 18, 2013 5:46am

p.s. That picture is of one of my hubby's favorite activities growing up: pond jumping 🙂

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Jennifer S. White

Jennifer S. White is a voracious reader, obsessive writer, passionate yoga instructor and drinker of hoppy ales. She’s also a devoted mama and wife (a stay-at-home yogi). She considers herself to be one of the funniest people who ever lived and she’s also an identical twin. In addition to her work on elephant journal, Jennifer has over 40 articles published on the wellness website MindBodyGreen and her yoga-themed column Your Personal Yogi ran in the newspaper Toledo Free Press. She holds a Bachelor’s degree in geology, absolutely no degrees in anything related to literature, and she currently owns a wheel of cheese. If you want to learn more about Jennifer, make sure to check out her writing, as she’s finally put her tendencies to over-think and over-share to good use. Jennifer is the author of The Best Day of Your Life, available on Amazon and Barnes & Noble. She’s also as excited as a five year old to announce the release of her second book, The Art of Parenting: Love Letters from a Mother, available on Amazon.