February 12, 2013

Getting over Our Fear of Rejection so That We Can Pursue Our Dreams. ~ Kristen Coyle

Awaken Your Dreams: See through the Bullshit.

If we do not pursue the life that makes our heart beat a little louder, the people whom we feel the most loved by, the dreams that often stay only in the sky, then what do we have on this path?

On a subtle level, I’ve begun to become aware that a deep seeded lack of self-worth and fear of rejection is the root cause of my being unable to be fully anywhere without feeling that I am missing something, someone or someplace. It affects how I function daily due to a fear of truly putting myself in a space where vulnerability resides. I have often joked that I’m lucky to have a five minute plan, let alone five year plan.

Many friends in my life would tell you that I travel, teach yoga, do healing work, hitch hike and laugh, scream, cry all at once. To the casual observer, it looks like vulnerability is my middle name. I currently reside in St. Lucia, and am often on some insane journey with a beat ass old Dakine backpack, a journal, a bathing suit and a passion—a passion that at times overflows and creates something beautiful.

However, at times the ability to assert, to will and to intend strongly, sits dormant, drowned in longings, self limitation and yes, fear over money. The famous, what if, is the mantra my mind wanders back to in a sad to admit, consistent basis.

It is interesting to reflect on times in my life where I have felt the most lack, because usually these are times when I’m rejecting my heart’s true longings.

Rejection seems to be a prerequisite of the human experience. Somewhere along the line, someone will probably reject us if we are truly following our hearts. It’s okay.

To live authentically and true to self, is to pick up the pieces, to go to the depths of one’s shadow, to meet the dark mother and not cower in fear, but thank her for her lessons and rise again, Phoenix from the ashes, vibrant, sexy, alive, open, as an embodiment of light.

Perhaps the frequency will depend upon karmic circumstances and such, but I have yet to meet someone who has not passed through some experience where the ego has been crushed by this rejection.

Maybe a bully on the school bus or a first crush is to blame. Perhaps some of us have been raised in a culture where rejection of the true self is big business, and where vanity is promoted instead.

What to do about this cycle of self-rejection mirroring outward rejection?

Lack of self-worth that manifests as a belief in being undeserving of life’s basic needs is a painful place to live from. It makes it difficult to manifest one’s own dreams.

I offer you a meditation:

Find acceptance:

Look in the mirror and look into your eyes; drop the masks that you wear outwardly on a daily basis. Completely relax your face and exhale. See yourself, unadulterated, as you are, no matter what you perceive you look like, without the “I love myself if only.” No makeup, see into the gateways of your spirit, and shine love into them, through the mirror.

Remind yourself to relax your face repeatedly, as we have a tendency to naturally form our face back into our protective mask, almost as if we are wishing to control what vibration we put into the world. How real is that smile? Breathe deeply and feel as if you are dropping away layers of masks that you’ve worn your entire life. Energetically feel everything slipping away from your physical body into the earth. Surrender completely to what you feel radiating from deep within your heart, and tell yourself, “I love you.”

Allow the mind to rest in ease knowing that the external is one facet of your being; it is very impermanent, and thus causes much suffering in one form or another. The supreme self, the atma within you is always still to witness what spirals around you. Let santosa, or contentment wash over you as you breathe into the heart space.

Allow the feeling that there is a tiny light being to the right side of your physical heart, in the center of the chest, and within the tiny light being is the universal thread that links all into one; God, Supreme Self, Divine, Ishvara, Allah, Jah, etc.

Once you have peeled away a few layers in this way in front of the mirror; sit, close your eyes, meditate and bask in the feeling of stripping away the masks.

Then ask yourself silently, “What are your dreams in this life?” What do you feel you must do before you face death that will allow you to smile while looking back on life and say, “yes that was awesome”? Visualize yourself living your ideal reality, down to the detail and breathe into it.

Hold it deeply within your awareness as long as it feels natural for you.

Then, offer it.

Release it into the universe. Surrender completely. Ask that it manifests if it is for your highest good; some of it will come to fruition and manifest, if it is indeed for your highest good.

Some of the prayers will echo as if unheard, but they are certainly heard. Perhaps next time around, if karmic circumstances are right, they will be answered. Close with an Om, or several Oms if chanting resonates with you.

Now realizing that everything in your cognizant reality is in a perfect place to mirror your inner world onto a larger canvas, you may look deeply into the people in your life, your living circumstances, your job and so forth, and transform your own life through observation and self study.

When someone upsets you, do you go into fight or flight, or do you choose to observe where you within yourself?

I’ll go with the second option as much as I have the self-control to do so, but at times I slip from the ground gained, a peril of the path according to Patanjali.

It’s your choice to transform something negative into something positive.

When we accept that the outer world is a perfect mirror for us to utilize for spiritual growth through svadyhaya, or self study, we take responsibility for our reality. There are many levels of creativity, and the highest level of this, in my opinion, is intending one’s own reality into existence.

This leads me back to the vicious cycle of fear of rejection. I strongly relate these symptoms in my emotional world to times when I am not following my heart. The reason I feel lack is because I have cut off the energetic flow of my heart to my intuitive center and cannot see and feel the love that is ever surrounding.

When we disconnect in this way, we search for superficial ways to fill the emptiness. We search for sensory pleasures, even indulgent yoga practice, and then because there is a fear of the emptiness or loneliness, we become attached to these things and even develop a deep fear around losing them. Henceforth, we become complacent, doing just enough to uphold, but not truly following our dreams.

It is up to us to get outside, connect with the earth, each other and ourselves in authentic ways. If we truly live in this way, abundance in the material realm is a natural outcome to focusing, intending, and following through on taking full responsibility to manifest our own destiny.

When we are fully embodied, present and thriving, the feelings of being vulnerable take a back seat to the feelings of being fully supported on our path.

Whatever it is that you have been meaning to do, or dreaming of, do it!

Be a do it now kind of girl or guy.

Be patient when it doesn’t happen right away, and enjoy the experience.

Follow your bliss; awaken your dreams.

Om Shanti.


Kristen Coyle is a yogini at heart. Ten years in to her yoga practice, she feels as if she has just scratched the surface of this incredible path. She is an E-RYT 500,  Licensed Massage Therapist, and Reiki Practitioner. She is deeply inspired by Yogi Sri Dharma Mittra and travels to study with him whenever possible.  Kristen’s classes are transformational, creative, and fun. She weaves original vinyasa sequencing, eclectic music, yogic philosophy, pranayama, mantra and meditation into her offerings, often while gracefully helping you approach your edge in the postures and break through into the most liberated version of yourself possible within your practice. When she is not on the mat, you can catch her at the local hot spring,  travelling to some exotic island, (she currently lives in St.Lucia) or cooking gourmet vegan food for her loved ones. It is her highest honor to be able to share these teachings and this is a path she is dedicated to for a lifetime. “Inhale like it is the first breath you have ever taken, and exhale as if it is the last breath you will ever take.” Infinite Gratitude! You can contact Kristen via e-mail [email protected] or facebook.



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