It’s dark in here.
Shadows roll out of my eyes.
I cannot stop crying.
Hysteria’s edge lines my skull and I want to laugh but nothing is funny.
If banging my head helped I might try it.
I try on not caring, my teen-aged mantra. It does not fit.
I want to not care.
I want to take fear and carve it into a heart.
I plant my view on the sky hoping looking up will raise my spirits.
The moon studies me.
The stars wink because they hold the secret I lost.
Love becomes an angel without wings.
I flap my dreams because something needs to soar.
My tears weigh meaning into a story I cannot tell.
I take this edge and sharpen it using words to carve self out of the moment.
I am not any longer.
And yet I cannot cease to be.
There is a hole but it cannot hide me because I don’t belong inside.
I take belonging and hang it in the closet.
The story I repeat is no one cares. It’s a lie.
I begin again with, “Once upon a time,” and set the path with happily ever after;
Time has taught me there is no after.
There is only now.
But now does not make promises, never promises more than a moment, a breath, a second to be.
Yet it’s taking seconds because presence hurts.
So I am giving now away.
I am heading to then where I can let being be.
And take care as the gift it is, offer it to love.
And let the seed breed.
Like elephant Literary Journal on Facebook.
Editor: Brianna Bemel
hot on elephant
A letter to the Anger that refuses to Leave Me. 120 shares The Most Powerful Moon of the Year: New Moon & Solar Eclipse in Pisces. 59,398 shares A Relationship will only be as Good as the Sex. 10,746 shares Welcome to Pisces Season: A Love there is no Coming Back From. 13,492 shares How Women ruin Good Men. 4,347 shares If You Love an Intuitive, Old-Soul Pisces, Read This. 10,790 shares If You have to “Think About It,” then I’m Not the One for You. 5,018 shares What Rumi had to Say about Unhappy Love. 249 shares Not sure I thought I’d ever say this, but Ashton Kutcher is about to inspire you to tears. 2,300 shares February’s New Moon in Pisces & Solar Eclipse. 2,180 shares