Things I Do When My Hot Boyfriend isn’t Watching. ~ Jenna Penielle Lyons

Via Jenna Penielle Lyons
on Aug 17, 2013
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My boyfriend is a gorgeous and fit ex-smokejumper and yoga teacher. And these are the things I do when he isn’t watching:

For the most part, we live a lifestyle full of mountain running, yoga, skiing and bicycles. We mostly eat greens and lean meat. We meditate. We have an active social life. We try to be healthy. But, there are some things I do when I am alone that I needed to get off my chest!

Sometimes I feel like a terrible and gluttonous human for doing these things because they are utterly sinful and over-indulgent. I try to live in moderation, but occasionally the fat kid in me breaks loose from her chains.

And it is time to come clean. 

These are the things I do when no one is watching–especially my chiseled boyfriend:

1. I eat Nutella out of the jar.

Don’t get me wrong, I love quinoa and kale just as much as the next yogi/runner, but I love Nutella more. I have eaten half a jar of Nutella in a hotel room while watching The Office before. And I wasn’t worried about it.

2. I eat corn dogs in the car on the way to see my boyfriend.

I only do this in rural Montana so that no one can see me doing it. Corn dogs are my favorite food, and I look forward to the Eastern Idaho State Fair for the sole reason of buying fresh corn dogs and eating them. I love cornbread and I love hot dogs and therefore, this combination is deadly. Sometimes I will eat three or four of them (#fatkid).

3. I eat corn dogs with Nutella on them.

I don’t think this bullet needs an explanation. Endurance athletes need calories?

4. I listen to the 80s Pandora station and Dance in my Skivvies.

A personal favorite:

You can actually find an excellent compilation of terrible 80s songs here.

5. I peruse bacon recipes on Pinterest.

Check this stuff out. Bacon brittle? Maple bacon cupcakes? Bacon toffee? Bacon cinnamon rolls? Bacon-wrapped hot dogs? Bacon bra? You got it.

6. I try and fail at doing handstands in the living room. 

Last year, I flipped over backwards and kicked a hole in the wall and bruised my tailbone and ass-cheek. Needless to say, I have been taught how to patch holes in the wall.

7. I watch Keeping up with the Kardashians. 

Unapologetically. For hours. I have a weird infatuation with Bruce Jenner and his dysfunctional relationship with his family, and I can watch these interactions for hours.

8. I look at pictures of him and us together.

When it comes down to it, I love my boyfriend and miss him terribly when I am out fighting fire for weeks at a time. All it takes is a few glances at a picture of him to make me happy again.

9. I put notes and pressed flowers in his Dharma and poetry book.

I pick them from mountains while I am fighting fire, bring them home and hide them for him to find later. They are little reminders of how much I love him while I am away.

10. I remember that he doesn’t care about the silly, gross things I do.

And that is why most of the jars of Nutella are purchased by him. That is why we rock out to the 80s Pandora station together. That is why he helps me with my yoga. That is why we have watched the Katy Perry documentary three times together. And that is why we have dance parties in our undies together. That is why we share books and take photos together.

That’s why we are in love. We appreciate and laugh about the silly things that make us who we are.

And I secretly hope that after tonight’s date, we can make me a bra… out of bacon.

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Ed: Sara Crolick



About Jenna Penielle Lyons

Jenna Penielle Lyons was born in Portales, New Mexico among sage and sand. Raised in Pocatello, Idaho among the black rock and juniper, she grew up wandering in cowboy boots, running, riding bikes, skiing, climbing, painting, and studying classical ballet. She is a scholar of English Literature, a poet, painter, photographer, musician, and outdoorswoman. She winters in Missoula and spends the summer working for Snake River Hotshots. She is a lover of mountain bluebirds & elephants, tea & good coffee, Carl Jung, Salvador Dali, skiing, climbing in the desert, yoga, harp music, and sagebrush. Her favorite foods are borscht and any combination of chocolate and cayenne pepper. Check out her work and follow her adventures at her website.


15 Responses to “Things I Do When My Hot Boyfriend isn’t Watching. ~ Jenna Penielle Lyons”

  1. Cicily Carter says:

    Beautiful story:) thank you for sharing and inspiring

  2. mary says:

    that was great!

  3. Zoe says:

    That is an awesome article. Thanks for sharing your story.

  4. Kelly says:

    You sound like a girl I know named Heather… You should see the movie Single White Female and blog about that:) Cheers:)

  5. Ashley says:

    This is hilarious! I literally laughed out loud.

    Thank you for sharing!

    xo Ashley

  6. missbernklau says:

    Hahaha thank you so much for sharing! LOVE that track too!


  7. Neiva says:

    you are so cute and adorable!
    love this article.

  8. Jenna Penielle Lyons says:

    Thanks for reading, everyone! Love ya!

  9. Girl, you are awesome. I am an ex-hotshot (and a woman) I worked on three crews over the course of eight years. It's great reading your pieces, I especially loved and related to the heartbreaking one you posted earlier this summer. One of those guys was someone I knew. But they were all someone I knew.
    I looked at your blog, too, and it's phenomenal. Keep being amazing and doing what you do! And…are you sure that rash isn't poison oak? 🙂

  10. The Lyoness says:

    Hi lady!
    It turned out to be scabies…picked it up in fire camp. Nasty! I had no idea that scabies was still a problem that existed!

    Thanks so much for reading all my articles and posts. If you're ever in Pocatello or Missoula, give me a shout out!
    Xoxox, have a GORGEOUS DAY!
    J. Bird

  11. BrettiePage says:

    Loved this! Thanks for the morning giggle.

  12. Georgia says:

    haha this is great! Literally laughed very loud!! Love the bra made out of bacon idea. 🙂

  13. motheroak says:

    xox from the southwest! Love seeing the yoga perspective from our very, very unique perspective. I'm in Taos; grew up visiting Salt Lake, Twin Falls, and Denver where my folks are from.

  14. Dave says:

    Aw, coming from a dude this was awesome. Thanks for sharing.

  15. Dave D says:

    Ya, had me at Nutella and corn dogs. Gettin’ real! Love ya! P.S. Careful, a bacon bra might create bacon muffins.