I have been in-between for so long that I don’t remember being anything else.
Life seems to be at the cusp of everything and nothing and I am always right in the middle. I go to yoga, but I am not still a beginner and yet so far from being a yogi. My poses are improving, but I still can’t touch my toes.
I am a meditator, but I still can’t sit for longer than eight minutes. My brain bounces around from topic to topic and some days I just can’t seem to find the energy to sit.
I am not at the start of a career, but nowhere near the end. As a matter of fact I seem to vacillate from one job to the next so much that I am left spinning at the end of the day. I get pretty good at these trades—massage therapist, interpreter, teacher, writer—but I haven’t mastered any of them completely.
I am not married, but not divorced. I am separated. I am not with anyone, but not really single.
It seems lately I am trying to find where I belong and where my identity lies.
I am all of these and yet none of them completely. I am in-between—that etheric space that has no label, no name. While labels aren’t supposed to be important and stereotypes are looked down upon, but used, I find myself sometimes wishing I wasn’t in-between.
When the moon is hanging low in the dark sky, and I see it’s light outlining the clouds, and I have a moment of stillness and quiet mind, I wonder where I will be when I’m no longer in-between.
Will I be a yogi? A writer? A therapist? A single mom?
Where do I fit and where do I belong?
Some nights I wonder if maybe, I belong in the in-between.
This cloudy space of everything and nothing, happy and sad, present but unnamed. Lonely at times, but not really alone either. It is here that I float about without an anchor to hold me down.
Lying in wait in the periphery, people swarm about in their own places. I see where they belong, and sometimes think maybe I can find a spot in their world.
But for now I will wait in the interlude, suspended in the halfway point. Here is my home in-between.
Like The Mindful Life on Facebook.
Ed: Cat Beekmans
hot on elephant
A letter to the Anger that refuses to Leave Me. 120 shares The Most Powerful Moon of the Year: New Moon & Solar Eclipse in Pisces. 45,170 shares A Relationship will only be as Good as the Sex. 10,514 shares Welcome to Pisces Season: A Love there is no Coming Back From. 12,884 shares How Women ruin Good Men. 4,099 shares If You have to “Think About It,” then I’m Not the One for You. 4,908 shares What Rumi had to Say about Unhappy Love. 245 shares Not sure I thought I’d ever say this, but Ashton Kutcher is about to inspire you to tears. 2,300 shares If You Love an Intuitive, Old-Soul Pisces, Read This. 2,747 shares How we can go to Heaven without Dragging Others with Us. 123 shares