It’s all happening, right now, this very second, as I type.
The universe is rearranging itself to meet my needs, my desires, to guide me along to make my highest possible potentials.
So this fear that always creeps in…it’s just a creeper. It’s a conglomeration of my past, gently rapping on the door of my psyche, seeing if I’m willing to let it slither in again to completely fuck-up all the progress I’ve made.
This time, I say nay, sir.
I listen to the rapping which turns into a knocking which quickens to a banging. I see the planks of the door bend and morph under its force, but still, I don’t twist the knob.
Still, I sit and watch in silence as I breathe, because breathing is the only thing you can do when fear pays a visit.
Exhaling the past and inhaling the possibilities of a future without this monkey on your back, the door starts to shrink and with it, the Hulk-sized fist smashing the other side. I hear the rage, the screams of exasperation, because fear isn’t used to being shut out. It’s used to barging in, taking over. Raping and pillaging the new inhabitants and harvest. Laying siege to the tender soil you’ve been tilling just as it’s about to sprout and blossom.
Again, I say nay, sir.
Fear comes when we make decisions—positive decisions; life-altering decisions. Fear comes to tell us that there’s no way these new directions and choices are ever going to work because we’re not capable of making them work. We’re not capable, not strong enough. We don’t possess the constitution, the backbone and elbow grease that it takes to go out on our own and finally makes our dreams come true.
It’s always amazed me how much we’re all ruled by imaginary notions, by ghosts and demons that don’t really exist except for in our heart’s mind.
We all deal with it, suffer through it, hold it at bay until the next time it comes knocking. It will always be there, but we can decide how much power we give it and how much we let it grow. It doesn’t need to be fed, yet we continue to feed it.
We convince ourselves that all of the self-deprecating imagery it slips into our dreams are true, that we should stop right where we are, turn back and retreat to that place of mediocrity and malcontent we’ve become so accustomed to.
What we need to do is call it by its rightful name—bullshit. Fear = Bullshit. We know it, of course we know it. But to know is one thing and to feel and really accept is another.
Being someone who is so mind-driven, I understand the battle between knowing and feeling all too well. Knowing is way safer, way more logical. Except that its not. Simply knowing something is what keeps us safe and isolated. Feeling something, giving yourself over to something completely is scarier, riskier, more dangerous.
That’s when we transfer the power from our rigid mind-set to our tender, bruised heart-space.
Leaving something behind and starting anew has to come from and be supported by our heart. We know why changes need to be made,and our mind will help us formulate a plan to make them…but our heart is what will guide us, unwaveringly, if we allow it.
Knowing that something is no longer serving us, no matter how well it’s served us up until this point, gets us from Point A to a few foot steps towards Point B…but allowing our heart to take over from there will ensure that A), We’ll always be fully supported and guided, and B), Fear’s just going to have to find a new place to shack up.
When in doubt, move. When fear comes knocking, breathe. And when that deafening pounding fades away and retreats, put one step in front of the other and go.
We are awesome. We are fucking excellent. We are insanely strong and capable and radiant.
Go forward and make it so!
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Ed: Bryonie Wise
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