When a relationship is at a crossroads and I’m not sure whether things will work out for whatever reason, it helps me to ask very personalized deal breaker questions.
I have been lucky enough to formulate these questions through my different relationships.
It’s important to me to use these as a reference to my own idea of how I want to live my life—ethically, spiritually, mentally and physically.
I think that everyone should have their own set of deal-breaker questions that they at least consider from time to time, especially when they are in a new relationship. These are like the alarm bells of time wasting in relationships—a way to see whether you’re in it for the long haul or will you be unwilling to get past these things once the honeymoon phase is over.
My absolute #1 deal breaker question: Does the person like/want to have pets?
Animals are quite literally one of the most important things in my existence so it’s safe to say they will always be around. If he doesn’t like animals and wouldn’t consider changing his mind, I’d say long-term that might be a deal breaker.
That leads straight in my second deal breaker: I’m not going to be a lady who waits on my boyfriend/husband or whatever hand and foot.
I probably won’t have dinner on the table by seven and his socks darned. I enjoy cooking, yes, and when I do it will be out of love. It will also probably be a (well-balanced, protein-rich) vegetarian meal, so he might need to develop some steak-cooking skills.
Did I mention that I have an overall love for animals, not just the pet kind?
My third deal breaker: I like to be outdoors more than in.
If he likes to be indoors more than out, we might run into some problems.
There is nothing wrong with preferring one or the other—I just tend towards more experiential learning like travelling, meeting people and visiting interesting places and seeing things that inspire me, than sitting inside a blank room reading a textbook.
There is a time and place for both types of learning, it’s just that overall in my life I would rather accumulate more of the former than the latter.
I know that sometimes relationships work really well when two people are into totally different things, I just want to have the kind of relationship where we do things together and have fun together so there needs to be at least a small amount of similarity there.
Fourth deal breaker: the way we see things.
If he’s not okay with a possible future child telling us they’re gay or lesbian, we might clash in terms of the way we see things in the future.
It’s definitely something worth having a conversation about.
It is likely to bring up other areas where there is quite a distinct difference in thinking.
Fifth and final deal breaker: conversation.
I would love to be able to have life changing conversations with the person that I’m with—life changing conversations are so vital to my relationship energy.
I want to talk about philosophies and conspiracy theories, spirituality and travel experiences. The first person I ever loved I fell in love with for this very reason—now I won’t be able to settle for not having this.
These are all things that I have come to realize about myself, but then I have also experienced the kind of love that makes all of these things that are so important seem insignificant.
It’s just important, I think, to stop every once in a while and reconnect to those things and see if we have lost sight of our own personal ethics.
At the end of the day we need to be with someone who helps to brighten our spirit and someone who supports us so that we can brighten your own spirit. And we do the same for them in return.
Author: Susan McFadzean
Apprentice Editor: Terri Tremblett / Editor: Catherine Monkman
Photo: Dra Photography/Flickr